We have 2 cats. A 14yo female who I've had since a kitten and an approx 11yo female we got from Cats Protection 7 years ago.
They have always tolerated rather than enjoyed each other's company.
11yo has always been DH's favourite, always on his lap. I was at the bottom of the pecking order after visitors and postman, but she was still affectionate to me.
A few months ago 11yo started vanishing for days at a time. My neighbour told me that the people over the back sometimes have her in as their kids love her. We approached them and asked them to please desist and they were fine about it and said she did come in through their car flap sometimes but they don't feed her and she never sleeps there.
Now the cat has pretty much disowned us. DH set up a camera and saw she comes in for a bite of food every couple of days and on occasion has slept upstairs and left again without approaching us. I managed to pick her up the other day and she's still normal weight and healthy so she has to be being fed somewhere and most likely sleeping there too as she's always been a cosy loving cat. She's never been much of a hunter and now she's older she doesn't even try.
If we see her in the garden and try to approach she runs, even from DH who she used to adore.
We have 5yo but he's been around her from birth and never went through a phase of poking her or pulling her tail and she used to love half sitting on his lap too.
She refuses to wear a collar - used to get very distressed so we stopped trying, but she is chipped. It's possible someone is feeding her as they think she's stray.
So what do I do?
Leaflet the other neighbours in the road and ask whoever it is to stop feeding and letting her in?
Do I leaflet them neighbours and if someone comes forward ask them to 'adopt' her?
Do I leave things as they are? I pay a monthly fee that covers her injections and checkups and pay her insurance. Do I keep that going even though it's unlikely I'll be able to grab her to take her for the jabs?
I'm at a loss. DH is gutted and thinks she gone forever. I always think cats choose who they want to live with and I know my older cat 100% chooses us despite being known by all the neighbours as a 'character'.
I don't want to be paying out for a cat who has ditched us, but I don't want to leave her vulnerable either as the people feeding her are not going to look after her like that are they?
Any advice would be much appreciated.