Need some help/reassurance - adopted cats very nervous

[hellswelshy]

We have recently as a family lost our old girl cat who was very loved and of course much missed, had her for 15 years. A week ago we have adopted a mum and baby from a rescue centre. Their back ground is that the mum who is only 2 years old herself, had a litter outside whilst her owner was unwell. I was aware of this but didn't fully appreciate quite how nervous they would be, particularly the baby who is 6 months. I feel quite out of my depth as they dart away and hide appreciate lot, the baby won't be touched at all, the mum cat will come to us now & then for a little stroke but is very apprehensive especially of my daughters (they are 9 and not heavy handed). Mum cat has scratched a few times, and I understand it's early days but I'm worried I've done the wrong thing getting them too early or if we're the wrong family for them. We really want to make them happy but I'm panicking they will never settle. Any kind advice welcome.

Yeah, it's just time I think, maybe try and ignore them as much as possible and let them come to you when they're ready.

They will be fine, I think it's lovely that you have adopted a mum and baby They just need a lot of time to come out of their shells.
I've always had feral cats and I just ignore them until they come to me which they eventually do.
The most feral cats that I ever had who hissed and wailed if you so much as looked at them took around 3 months to become lap cats.

I think that's it, we are torn between ignoring them but our basic instincts want to try and make them feel loved - but they don't seem to want that! Plus I've read we should try and handle the baby so she gets used to us, so unsure what to do for the best

Felliway. Get some felliway.

We got our rescue girl about a year ago. She was a housecat turned feral when her owners discovered she was pregnant and threw her out. She lived in a local park for about 6 months before she could be trapped. She's now just over 2.

For the first 3 months she hid behind a chair and refused to come out. She hissed bit and spat at us until one day she decided that "food lady" wasn't too bad and came out and bumped her head against my knee.

That was December 2016. She's now curled up on bed with me (I'm not lazy just 39 weeks pregnant) and she follows me around the apartment. She is my supervisor.

She's spent an hour this morning defending the bedroom from all sorts of invisible enemies, hid from them (badly - she's the worst hider) and it's now snuggle up close for head rubs and naps.

Don't force anything. Let them come to you.

They will be nervous, they've only been there a week. Don't try to pick them up or force contact, just go about your normal life and sooner or later they will relax and start to interact.
I know it's tempting to love bomb them but, although some cats will act like they own the place, others take longer longer to adjust.

Thank you all so much. Beautiful girl ememem84 ! It's so reassuring to hear these stories, I really appreciate it. I felt so upset this morning as one of my daughters got tearful after mum cat scratched her, which I explained isn't spite but fear. As our old girl was so so friendly I fear we are expecting too much too soon!
I was wondering about Feliway... read mixed reviews but you think it's worth a try?

I've adopted a feral kitten before (but straight off the street). It's all about just letting them come to you. They need to feel secure and know that you're not threatening - unfortunately anything you do to approach/reach out to them can be threatening.

Have you tried a toy which has a distance from you - like Da Bird. I spent a week sitting watching the tv flicking it around with my cat watching intently until one day he suddenly launched himself at it!

Feliway is good too.

He's now a soppy lap cat, but it took a good few months until he wanted attention.

Thanks hellswelshy I'm biased but she is isn't she??! Haha!

Time patience love and reassurance. That's what worked for us and dreamies also if you can keep everything the same as when they were at rescue centre - same litter same food etc. The less changes the better. That's what we were told anyway.

Catface is still wary of strangers - she is fine with dh but she's basically my girl.

Thanks all you lovely cat people. I think I know really it's all about time, just needed to hear it I think and hear other people's success stories with their own shy girls and boys. May order some Feliway....

You'll get there. As others have said, just ignore them. And yes, if you can get a toy on a sting that YOU play with, with no intention whatsoever of playing with the cats curiousity will overcome. So don't make it look like you want them to join in, or wave the toys in their direction, as they will know it is a trap. Just dangle the things in front of you, for your pleasure, and they will come. Maybe not the first time you try it, maybe not the 100th, but, eventually, you will have caught a cat!

Likewise, put treats down near them, but don't make a point of interacting with them. Sit and read to them, but, again, you're honestly just reading to the room. And, whatever you do, do not react when they react to you.

I prefer Pet Remedy to Feliway, it's cheaper and I think it works better. But they definitely work, I have 2-3 plug ins in strategic places when there is an upset or disruption. I also would go with the ignore until they come to you. If you force attention on them it causes more stress, cats need to do things at their own pace. Just provide all the necessities and be patient

Hells I'd also buy a Feliway plug in, it made a significant difference when my cat had some anxiety over grooming issues. I've always been told that you should let animals and children come to you, difficult to do but worth it. It sounds like they've been through the mill so just need to learn they can trust you which, as others have said, will take time. Don't know how long that will be but the reward will be worth it and you sound like a great cat 'mummy'. Good luck, let us know how you get on.

I found pet remedy more effective than feliway, although it smells a bit. My two rescues were very nervous but with time and patience they totally rule the roost.

Again thank you all so much for your replies. I've read them all to my girls and it's really helped And hopefully if I attach it correctly here's a picture!

I have been in a similar position to you twice! Our old girl was PTS a couple of months ago but when we adopted her 14 years ago she was terribky nervous. We were told she would never be a lap cat. The rescue centre referred to her as semi-feral until we said we couldn't commit to socialising a feral cat - then they changed their minds!

Anyway, lots and lots of time. She used to hide out in our spare room and we would generally jus hang around in there chatting and talking nicely to her. She slowly got more bold until a month later she came and rested her front paws on my legs. She nevertheless looked back

Then just over a week ago we adopted two kittens. Again, we were told they were very nervous and I was worried we might have made a mistake. This time we have a large utility room that they live in. I go in and out during the day doing laundry and gradually they stay out while I am in there. 4yo dd likes to draw pictures for them so they have taken to sitting watching her do that.

It will take longer as yours are older but I honestly think most cats can't help themselves

Ahh Hells they are beautiful. They look really comfy too!