Regret my rescue cat

[user1490465531]

Please dont flame me just wanted some honest opinions.
My old cat passed away over a month ago.
He was a beautiful ginger tom fearless independent not a lap cat but so easy to look after went out a lot etc.
Fast forward now and in a rash move because I was grieving I adopted another cat. Originally wanted an older cat but my dd liked this one as she was affectionate etc despite being a young cat I took her.
we've only had her a week but she's so different to what I'm used to she's quite clingy seem very vocal doesn't eat anything except a couple of biscuits and has no real desire to go out.
She's very timid and I fear she may become a house cat which is not what I wanted.
I'm willing to give it more time but I wanted more of a typical cat and it feels like mothering a baby sometimes.I'm probably coming across really mean but I just can't get that bond like I did with my old cat who was a stray I took in.

I did something similar when my last cat was killed. I got two brothers from the rescue who were desperately shy. It took me a long time to really love them. They were not particularly affectionate and still aren't most of the time. However, the love came on both sides. Each cat will be different. I wanted one that would be mine, like my last cat, but they are different than he was and raised differently. You need to give yourself time and the love for your new cat will come.

As you still miss your old cat it will be hard to form a bond straight away. She really sounds like many people's idea of a perfect cat. A bonded, house cat that doesn't eat much - just what a lot of people want.

If you think an older, more independent cat would be a better fit then I'm sure the rescue would be willing to do a swap. After all that sort of cat is generally harder to home. Did you specify to the rescue the sort of cat you were looking for?

Or maybe get another cat as well. Keep her and get another that's more the sort you wanted.

I think I jumped into getting a cat as I'm still grieving for the old one.
I just want my old cat back so much.

There's no such thing as a typical cat in my experience. They have personalities and preferences of their own. I do think you probably adopted this new cat too early on in your grieving process and than can interfere with your bonding. When my last cat died it was over 2 years before I could think of getting another one. I didn't want to feel like I was simply replacing him.

Also, young cats do require a lot more time and attention than older cats. They're like children in some ways and need you to be their parent.

Please stick with your new cat, all my cats have been adult rescue cats until the most recent one and the changes in homes/owners do have a negative impact on them emotionally and behaviourally. Our current cat is the only rescue cat I've had from a kitten and at 3 years old she is the most loved and loving cat I've ever had because, I believe, she's had a settled and safe home from a young age.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your ginger boy, there will never be another cat like him. Possibly you adopted another cat too soon. I don't really think you've given the new cat a chance and would urge to give it more time. If you really can't bond with her then returning her quickly would be best.

What about your daughter though? How old is she? Can she not take over and bond with the wee thing? She's probably desperately shy and needs playing with. Are you giving her the same food she had st the rescue? I would give her time.

There was a cat in the house when I was born, so, when he died when I was a teen I really, really missed him. The family got a cat about 6 months later - but really she was my cat.

She was a rescue. It took me a year before I really felt she was my cat. Before then I felt almost aggrieved that she had been someone else's. But, as I say, about a year later I realised that her status as 'my cat' had gradually developed. Not that she'd changed in any way (she'd sat on my lap about an hour after she'd arrived) but I'd gradually accepted her. We had the best relationship ever, and I was heartbroken when she died.

She's not your ginger boy and never will be, be she's a wonderful cat in her own right and she loves you, just as you will, one day, love her. In a way it's a good thing she's so different to your old boy, as if she were you'd still be loving him, not her (IYSWIM).

Just be patient.

There's no such thing as a 'typical cat' in my opinion. They're all different with varying needs, preferences and personalities. You can't rely on any cat behaving in a particular way. It was perhaps naive to imagine this cat would behave the same way and do the same stuff as your old cat. I'm sorry you have lost him btw - I can tell how much you enjoyed him.

We have two rescue cats that are quite like your old boy...they're not lap cats but they're friendly, love a good scratch and a stroke, like to sit close to us and are very polite as housemates, clean, quiet, independent and outdoorsy. However, we are used to lap cats and we are a little disappointed that they don't come and sit on us. We have accepted it though - they are who they are and are wonderful otherwise.

Give it time. x

She just doesn't seem happy. she's not eating hardly anything and she's painfully thin.
it's been over a week now so I'm a bit worried.
Her background when she came to me was she had birthed kittens and was nursing them before she came to me.
Do you think she is missing her kittens.?
The rescue assured me she was fine to be homed without her kittens but I've since heard mum cats should always be rehomed with at least one of there litter.

Has she had a vet check? Is she neutered now?
It may be less about her and more about still missing the cat you have lost. Building a bond with a new pet can take time. Play with her. Give her attention. Get her used to being groomed etc.
is she on the same food as the rescue had her on? Would she prefer wet?

yes she's neutered but she refuses to eat. I've tried her old food jelly and gravy wet foods and pate but all she will eat is a couple of dried biscuits.
Even refused roast chicken.
Going to take her for a check up this week as she's very underweight.

Have you tried warming the wet food up ? I had to do this with my kitten

Hope there's no underlying issues. Is she insured? Was she living in a house before? Perhaps Feliway could help her relax?

One of my rescue cats was very timid and had recently given birth. After about six months of having her I realised that she just didn't have much personality compared to other cats I had had and was quite content by herself. Another six months down the line and she was (and remained for the following 16 years that I had her) the most affectionate and adorable cat imaginable. In her case, she just took a long time to settle in and feel happy that she really was in a permanent home where she would be staying.

Please give your cat a bit longer to settle in as sometimes it can take a while.

Put lik e lix on the food. Are your u getting your daughter involved?is it too late to ring the rescue and ask if theres a kitten left?

I think she needs more time to settle. She's probably still scared and is likely to become less timid when she is more settled and comfortable in her new home. I've never heard that mum cats should be home with at least one of their kittens-cats protection certainly don't advise this.

She's not going to replace your old cat, but over time when you get to know her better and she's more settled, you're likely to have more of a bond with her and love her in her own right.

I did the exact same thing when my beloved cat died. I got a rescue cat a couple of weeks later . He wasnt anything like my old cat and i massively regretted it. I was still grieving and it was much too soon.
However i stuck it out and he became a much loved member of the family in the end. He had to be put to sleep about 3 yrs ago and i was so traumatised by it that this time i had no desire to get another one. In fact it is only now that i feel ready to even think about it.