Very nervous kittens - help

[beanhunter]

We rehomed a pair of litter mates at the weekend. We knew they were nervous. The boy is doing well - we can pick him up and get lots of purrs and he seems settled.
The girl is a different story. We can't even stroke her without her running away terrified. Wouldn't get close to picking her up. When her brother s having a fuss she wants to be near by and it's as if she wants to join in but doesn't quite make that last step.
I don't know how best to help her so have come for advice. At the moment they are in a room separate from the rest of the house and our old cat and we are spending time in there with them.
Their background is that they were born at the end of a garden but came into the rescue when still young kittens. Thanks.

I got three kittens (same litter) 20 years ago. The two boys were immediately friendly, the girl bonded with my old cat at the time but would only let anyone near her when she was with old cat. It took over a year before I could approach her without her running away. She turned into a lapcat eventually but it was always on her terms.
My personal experience over many years of cat ownership is that girl cats are a lot harder work than boys - but worth persevering.

For best advice please include pics!!
Some tasty treats will have her wrapped around your little finger. .
My dgm swore by Primula cheese spread in a tube as a way to her cats heart!! Her cat would eventually sit by the fridge and Meow for it!!

Give her time. She needs to get used to her new environment and the people around her. The more you try and pick her up or handle her, the more you'll frighten her.

That said, Dreamies will also help!

And yes - where are the pictures?!

Give them time. For the first week we just hung out in the same room as our nervy rescue cat. We talked to him but also just sat and read a book. We didn't pursue him, didn't do it for too long. Then after a week we started leaving the door of the room open, and he came to our bed the second night! He still runs away from things but loves a fuss. It takes time, mostly.

Ok thanks. Do I continue to keep them in the one room til she's more confident?

Pics of newbies and old girl too attached.

We let ours have the run of the house. . Based them in the Tv room with a coffee table at the door to escape from the dog!! Took them a week to brave it across the hall to the kitchen and a year to go upstairs!! They are 5 now and can enter the utility and eat the dogs food with all 4 just standing there watching and allowing it!!

They are upstairs at the moment in a room old cat doesn't use. She struggled initially with our last cat (who is no longer) so not sure if she will make things worse or better! Also house is big so worried we won't know where they are and want to keep them away from cat flap.

They are gorgeoys whats their names?

When I adopted a brother/sister pair years ago, the boy was all over me the minute I got them home - the girl however lived behind the fridge for about 2 weeks. It really is just a case of letting her come round in her own time. Don't try and pick her up etc. Let her come to you. Keep making a fuss of her brother. She'll realise what she's missing out on soon enough. They're adorable

I'd keep them in one room until you, and they, are more confident. Have you got any fishing rod type toys, I usually find that they help a lot with nervous kittens, they can't resist joining in

Ours (born feral but hand reared from 5 weeks) hid inside a recliner chair or behind the settee for the first 48 hours. We sat on the floor for two days and rolled their squishy ball about! They could not resist it! The boy is overtly more affectionate, but the girl is just as affectionate on her terms!

We kept them in the lounge for about a week - our old cat was dead, so there were no problems with another cat.

They are pickle and lily. Old girl is tiggles. They both like the toys and she will join in and will now come to eat on her own which is progress. Thabks for the advice not to pick up. My husband was of the view that we needed to almost force her to get used to us but I can see that's not the majority opinion!

My husband was of the view that we needed to almost force her to get used to us

I would also definitely recommend letting the cat come to you on its own terms and in its own time.

Lord no bean - that will have to total opposite effect. I am a cat slave to 5. Rescue/foster to many many more. One of my pet cats was a dying feral 6 week old... her early life was traumatic (in and out of the vets everyday for months), and it took nearly 6 months of sitting in her room on the floor, not looking at her and just letting her come and sit on my lap. No touching, no stroking, no picking up. She's a totally loving lapcat now but still is terrrified of being picked up. I guess she think she's going to be stuffed into a cat carrier again 😔.

Thanks. That was my view but he thought he knew best. Our previous two rescues haven't been so scared so this is new!

So am letting them wander upstairs a bit. Old girl has done an occasional hiss if they get too close but can tolerate them being in the same room. They are interested in her. I really hope she comes out of her shell.

I think when they are very young - say under 9 weeks, then his advice is probably right. Any older than that and you need to give them space and time to come round.

So I think we are making progress. Lily will now let us stroke occasionally (best done while eating bizzarely!). Our pair of new kittens have been in their own room for a week. Last couple of days we've let them out to meet old girl and apart from a couple of hisses it's going ok. Helped by the fact the kittens are nervous and seem to get she's boss so she feels less threatened. Planned to carry on allowing them to meet when we are in but to keep in own room when we are out for another week I think.