Missing my cat

[Taranta]

Had to have our lovely black and white moggie PTS yesterday, she was 16, had hyperthyroidism (managed with tablets) and l lymphoma, which this last few days was making her very poorly so I knew it was her time.

There is a cat-shaped void wherever I look. I came home and had to clear her bowls away, the litter tray, as to look at her things feels unbearable right now.

But I feel like I'm carrying around this guilt too - that the last few years I haven't had the time for her, I've been too preoccupied with small children, too tired to give her the time and the cuddles she had for ten years before kids arrived. And now of course it's too late.
My DH is philosophical about her death, the kids seem apparently unbothered so it's just me, with this permanent lump in my throat, and sick feeling in my stomach.

I don't know why I'm posting, I just feel I need to share my grief with those who understand. Ive lost pets before, but not for so many years now, I'd forgotten how devastating it can feel

I'm so sorry. I'm sure she still had a happy life even if you didn't have as much time to give her. Don't beat yourself up.

Give it some time and then consider taking in another cat that desperately needs a home. It won't make you forget your girl, or be a replacement of course, but will help to fill the void and of course would change the life of that particular cat.

Aww, sorry to hear this. I will be the same as you when my girl goes. You just need to grief and have a really good cry! The may only be "animals" but they're part of the family. I agree when you feel a bit beets maybe look at getting a rescue cat. I feel the same my cat was my baby before I had kids and she's been demoted over the last few years (hoping this will change as the youngest started full time school today- so I can give her lots of cuddles on my days off) but she is fed, has a clean bed, taken to the vets when ill etc. Cats are independent so she probably didn't mind too much anyway! Don't feel guilty x

Excuse my mistakes- predictive text.

Ten years of fuss and attention and then she shared you but still in a loving home where she fet safe and wanted - that's nothing to feel guilty about.

I had very similar feelings to you after I had to have my old 18yr old girl pts last summer. She had become increasingly demanding in her old age and I often just didn't have the energy or patience for her. But, she was definitely loved and she did have a long and happy life with us. So I try and console myself with that thought. I am sure your dear puss knew she was loved and wanted. Life does change and you did your best.
Now I have two rescue cats, I do make sure they are showered with as much love and attention as I can give, I sometimes feel that I have been given another chance.
Don't feel guilty, remember what you gave her, so much more than some cats ever get

Thank you so much to you all for posting, and your kind words. I'm so tearful, DH can't quite understand why I feel so upset (and I can't understand why he isn't, but he's a typical stiff upper lip type, bless him).

I keep expecting her to wander into the room, it was awful coming home from work earlier to and empty house ,just awful. I owned a tin of tuna earlier and wailed at the though of my old girl who could hear a tin of tuna being opened from fifty paces and would rush in hoping for a few tasty chunks 😕.

I so wish I'd given her more cuddles these last few weeks, wish I wasn't always in such a hurry, it's a salutary lesson

Here she is in happier times, licking a chocolate button xx

She was beautiful OP. I know what you mean. Maybe when the time is right you will open your home and heart to another puss, which will help to heal the hurt a little. You'll never replace your dear girl though. Be kind to yourself.

OP sending you hugs - not really the done thing on Mumsnet but totally appropriate in this situation.

I could have written your post-we had to have our beautiful girl put to sleep this afternoon too and we are all so upset-and I voiced the exact same guilty feelings as you have here-3DC and busy lives and I feel she didn't get the same attention that she used to before the DC came along.

But it's been so helpful to read all the lovely posts above and know that I'm not alone in feeling like this.
Sending strength to you.

So sorry OP, it's a horrible time I know for you.

Oh what a fantastic photo of her! My 20 year old died a few months ago-he had hyperthyroidism too but managed, his last year wasn't particularly healthy but he was happy enough I think but he was very hard work too. My husband who only knew him for his latter years said he surprised himself at how much he missed him when he'd gone.
Get that photo in a frame if you haven't already to make you smile when you see it.
Could you give another cat a home in time?

To the op and urban.
It's shit isn't it.
I know how you feel.It almost makes you angry because your heart has been stolen and you never want it to happen again.
Sorry to you both xx

Taranta and Urbanturban I'm so sorry. My DCat was PTS last week after a short illness. I am heartbroken. She was my first pet. In the morning I missed seeing her going down the stairs in front of me, and poking her face through the banisters. I look out of the kitchen window expecting to see her walking along the fence miaowing to say hello then I remember she won't be there. I miss her terribly. DD is also upset but more stoic than me. I've kept her little spider toy and her hairbrush. I know it'll get easier in time but it's getting to that point which is difficult.

urban sending hugs to you for your loss this week, to you too Melfish and all of you who have lost your lovelies. It is heartbreaking, these little furry creatures become part of the background of everyday life, and the absence feels vast. I miss that she would come in to the bedroom to stamp all over me in pursuit of breakfast when she could hear the toddler was up and awake. My girl was a real stair scratcher too, so she's left her imprint in several places on the carpet there, she is literally everywhere in this house, I miss her. You're right Melfish you expect to see them, then you remember

DH is not keen on getting another cat, we only had this one because she walked into our house 16 years ago and we couldn't find her owner. Then he grew to love her. I think he could be persuaded but not for a while yet...

So sorry op. I lost my beautiful girl last Thursday to lymphoma also. It was the right time as she couldn't take any more, but how my heart has ached. Like you, I just miss her so much, particularly today as my kids have gone back to school and as it's my non working day we would normally have a lovely quiet morning pottering about - she was a great listener

I see her everywhere, like you, hear her bell, hear her hungry miaow....

For my dds and for me I suppose, we have decided to adopt 2 young cats from Cats Protection, due to pick them up Sunday! I am suprised we are ready to do it so soon but it feels right - this home is a cat home and my beloved old girl would have approved.

for you.

My husband was reluctant. Took 6 days before the new kittens came home after loosing our boy.

I'm so sorry, she was gorgeous.

A few years ago DM took in a stray cat who'd adopted me. He lived with her for 5 months before he had to be PTS. He'd made such a huge impression on her in that time that she wanted to give me all the cat litter, food, bowls etc as there was no way she could face having another cat. That was on the Tuesday. By Saturday the cat shaped hole was too big and we were at Battersea and George came home the same day.

Taranta you reminded me- we have the stairs and hall covered in that matting that I've seen on cat scratching posts and she had a scratching boardt, but would my cat scratch that? Hell, no! Nice wool carpet every time, preferably by the door frames.
PS my DH who was not keen on getting a cat at first agrees we should consider adopting another next year so there's hope yours may change his mind soon.

How are you doing now urban and melfish? I've had an up and down few days, I can feel okay and be getting on with things then be felled with an awful pang of sadness at a though or memory of my girl. At least the children seemed completely unbothered by her loss, I think she avoided them in her dotage so they probably barely noticed her the past few years

Hi Taranta. I'm ok most of the time. We got her ashes back from the vet today which did set me off. Last night the neighbour's security light came on (she always used to trigger it) and I opened the window and called her with no meow in return . I do think she might be looking at me from cat heaven and laughing at how silly her door slave is being- she had mastered a disapproving look to a tee!