Pointless cat.

[EssieTregowan]

She's seven and we've had her since she was a kitten. She used to sit on laps, and play and be stroked, but since she was about a year old she basically just avoids us.

She will come and butt her head at us if she's hungry, but she won't tolerate any kind of attention or affection at all. She sleeps on our beds sometimes but only if she's left well alone.

She hates the dog, who is smaller than her, and she torments her sometimes (coming up and whacking her for example).

I'd love a snuggly friendly cat. Would she be really pissed off if we got another one? Or would it make her happy?

We all love her but we get NOTHING from her. She's like an occasional visitor who demands food and occasionally leaves mouse guts on the kitchen floor.

This did make me smile. I've got a house full of pointless cats. They're the sort that don't get homes easily as, well, they're pointless. Definitely get another one. She'll get used to the idea and may even be happy about it.

Just make sure you get one that this known to like other cats (as well as not being pointless), so that's half the battle won.

Did something change in the house when she was one?

Is she neutered?

If you get another may be get a rescue that they've already found out is very loving so you know what you're getting...

How much love and cuddles did she get growing up? I'm just wondering if something happened (like having a child) that meant you didn't/couldn't cuddle and pet her all the time?

I actually think she got sick of the attention. The kids were 6 and 7 and DD in particular used to pick her up and carry her around a lot. She started going out at about a year and I think she realised she didn't have to stick around to be tormented petted.

She's neutered.

We did have DS2 when she was about a year old, but she'd already stopped being affectionate by the time he came along.

I don’t think getting another cat is a good idea. Cats are solitary animals and it’s hard enough to introduce happy, docile, affectionate cats to a newcomer.

Cats will respond to how they’re treated, for the most part. If the cat was being picked up and carried about by children a lot when it was younger, and not being allowed to have its own space or to choose for itself when it would like to come for attention, then this is why you now have a standoffish cat.

There are things you can do to turn an older cat into a more affectionate lap-cat, but it takes time, patience and understanding.

Spongecat will sit on me, but only on her terms, when she is in the mood. IME of living with the cats, the toms were much more tolerant of being cuddled than the female cats, but I don't know if this is typical. I wouldn't get another cat, I think it would make her unhappy, sadly.

I don't really subscribe to the 'it's all nuture' idea. A lot of it is nature too. I have two cats that I've had since tiny kittens. Both have had exactly the same experiences and upbringing and both were similar until around six months old. Then one became ever more soppy and clingy and a real people-lover, and the other became ever more independent, not interested in people and very much a cat's cat, choosing to hang out with the other cats rather than humans. It's just their personalities coming out.

And cats really aren't solitary animals. In the 'wild' (feral colonies) they live in big groups, groom each other and sleep together.

I would get yourself a soppy cat. Be careful with introductions and I'm sure it will all work out fine.

I'd also get another cat if your DCs are now old enough to give it it's space.

I agree with the cat neuterer. So much is written about cats being solitary but in the wild cats actually live in familial colonies.

They do hate each other to begin with, for 4-6 weeks, but once they start to recognise each other as 'family' that tends to stop.

I kept on two foster kittens last year and now my existing cat adores them. All three sleep together and she cleans their fur.

There's so much written about cats being solitary because they generally are. Feral colonies happen because of limited territory/space and resources. They'll congregate where the food and shelter is and tolerate each other on that basis.

I agree a cat's temperament is influenced by nature and nurture. But, mostly, if a previously affectionate cat becomes standoffish (as is the case in this situation) it's most likely to do with the nurture aspect.
Nurture overrides nature with cats a lot of the time, IME anyway.

Sorry, know I'm going off topic a bit, I've always been fascinated how feral cats live in colonies, because domestic cats are descendants of the African Wildcat, who are solitary creatures. It just shows how clever and adaptable cats are - instead of stray cats reverting back to wildcats, they evolve into ferals in one generation; continuing to live in close proximity with humans and sharing resources with their colony.

Anyway, back to your question OP. I think an an adult cat who likes humans and gets on well with cats would fit in just fine. My two were introduced at different ages - there was hissing from the eldest, but that was just to ensure the youngest, (who's a very happy, bold little chap) knew his place. Now they mutually groom each other, and although they don't actually curl up together, they'll sleep next to each other and call out if they can't find each other. I like seeing them interact and do cat stuff together.

OMG can we swap for a couple of weeks?

Mine will follow me from room to room, cry if I dare close the door for a bath.

She sleeps either on me or on my pillow - I'm single, I have a king sized bed, there are spare pillows but no she has to be on the one my head is on.

Unless I have a male visitor, then she abandons me in favour of sitting on them.

The other times she leaves me alone are to visit my neighbours for food or to sleep on the belly of a rather large male neighbour.

Feral colonies do more than tolerate each other. I was thinking of this thread yesterday as I returned three just-neutered boys to a colony I've been sorting out. The others came to greet them and one of them spent the next hour or so (I stayed to try to trap more) nuzzling and grooming and being nuzzled and groomed by one of the females. They were obviously very happy to be reunited.

And in my house, where I have over 20 cats, some of which are very friendly and some semi-feral, there are many friendship groups and pairs formed. They actively seek each other out, sleep together, groom each other and so on. And none of them were brought up together. New cats arrive at my house all the time and get accepted into the group very quickly, and then go on to make their own cat affiliations. A few are very definitely not 'cats' cats' and do nothing more than tolerate the rest. But they are the exception rather than the norm.

Unless I have a male visitor, then she abandons me in favour of sitting on them

Shameless hussy!

YetAnother

She does this thing where she will run up to a male, lie on her back with her head to one side, all coy and sort of squirms to have her belly tickled.

It's known in this house as 'tarting'

Images of tarting, making herself comfortable and attempting to help prepare dinner!

Can't really help re. the OP, but I'm always interested in the single/multiple cat issue.

We actually ended up getting a second cat a few months after our dog died, because Cat1 was deeply unsettled (a lot of following us around miaowing piteously, but not wanting cuddles/affection). She was back to her normal self within a couple of weeks of Cat2 joining us, and while they sometimes just ignore each other, and they definitely have their own bits of territory within the house, plenty of play chasing and friendly interaction goes on.

All very odd, esp as our dog was really very elderly, and didn't do much beyond tolerate the cat, slept a lot of the time, and in any event was out of the house a lot of the time as he came to work with me.

One thing I would say re. the OP, if you do decide to get a 2nd cat, rescues IME are fantastic at matching you up with the right personality for you & other pets in the house.

The solitary cat thing is a myth. I've been bought up and had multiple cats and it's all down to personality of the animal. Most of mine used to sleep in huge piles on top of each other and others preferred to be alone.

Feral cats group together due to food and decent shelter but there has been recent discoverers that they share nursing of young ones when they give birth at the same time and live in family groups.

I've also had clingy cats that are male and female but the females tend to become more loving as they get older.

My current two are sisters who used to hate each other when younger and wouldn't come for cuddles but now sleep, groom and demand snuggle space. It's nice in the winter when they demand to go under the covers to snuggle against me but not so great in the summer!

Haha - "pointless cat". Perfect description! I have two pointless cats. One is grumpy and bitey and ignores me unless he wants food, or if he is cold he will sit on me but I have to sit still, not breathing, DEFINITELY not stroking him, or he'll bite / scratch. And he yells at me a lot for not giving him food quickly enough.

The other is really timid and skitters away if you try to engage. I actually love her very much because she will occasionally slightly tolerate attention from me but never anyone else, and that makes me feel special.

Oh, and they hate each other. Have lived together almost all their lives and both would be much happier without the other. They hiss and scratch and stalk around muttering obscenities behind each others backs.

I love my pointless cats.

Love the term pointless cat.
Our old cat tom was such a cat, we ended up taking in a kitten that a neighbour decided she didn't want after all so left outside.
I took a long while and a lot of dreamers but Tom tolerated Nev in the end.

Sashh - definitely a tarty girl :).