Cat nervy around bf

[ziggy1986]

My bf moved in 3 months ago. Cat swings between being affectionate with him (curling up on his lap etc) and keeping his distance.

Bf is the sort of person who is constantly on go and cat tends to scoot out the way when my bf is moving around the house going things. Bf is quite heavy on his feet maybe?

Bf has also reported cat seeming nervous when he gets in from work before me.

I am worried the cat is not happy or is stressed although eating fine, using litter tray fine.

Any hints or tips?

Feliway
BF moving more slowly and not making too much noise. He should also be the feeding and treating person. Cats are rarely wary of those who give them what they want!

He does feed him.

I am slightly worried we are 3 months on and still adjusting / nervous

Trust the cat.

Boyfriend is obviously a psychopath and you should be nervous.

Cats know these things.

My cats are like this around DS2 (24). He loves them, & wants to be their friend, but he's very heavy-footed & always lunges at them; they hear him coming & scoot.

He is on the spectrum though; however much I tell him to be slower & gentler around them, he just can't. Could this possibly apply to your BF?

He's not showed any pyschopathic tendencies so far
I literally think he is just a bit noisier than me and the cat's been used to a pretty quiet house - just me and him for years.

Is the question whether he is on the spectrum because I said he is heavy footed?

I don't think so.

He doesn't lunge at the cat. He actually lets the cat come to him / gives the cat his own space generally.

Is cat a rescue? My aunt is a single mum to two daughters and their rescue cats are super weird around men when they encounter them. We suspect they were treated badly by men in the past so feel more comfortable with women.

He's not a rescue but prefers women - just because it's just been me and and him for years. Got him with my ex at 1 - ex moved out when he was 2. Then just me and him until now - he is coming up for 8.
He's not hugely keen on my Dad either.

The cat I had as a child disliked men. My mother said it was most likely because it had only been cared for by women and only saw a man when he went to the vet. He never warmed up to my father, although my father loved cats.

One of the rescue cats DH and I had was horribly nervous. I lay on my side with my head on the floor (lower than his head), met his eyes and looked away first, met his eyes and blinked slowly. Doing that quite often made him feel more comfortable around me.

My cat was rescue cat, obviously been badly treated by a man as drops to her belly and crawls out of the room when a man, even ones who visit all the time (that sounds bad) come into the house many years after she made me her slave. She adores my OH though. Her kitten now cat that's never even had an eyebrow raised at her hates him with a vengeance as he gets my attention . If cat is cuddling up to him I think it's a time/jealously thing

Make him king of the Dreamies and catnip.
Or LTB!

If we sit on the couch together the cat will choose to snuggle into my bf rather than me. Do you think that's odd? Do you think that's jealousy.

But then other times seems nervous 🤔

When DH moved in with me one of my cats really didn't like him, she would sit in between us on the sofa and glare at him.
I had to go away with work and left them alone for a week, when I got back they were best friends!!
I'm not saying you should temporarily move out but maybe let him take over all cat duties and leave him alone in the house with them more

Trying to make you feel jealous like she does when you pay attention to your bf??? Get him a big pack of Dreamies to give her when you're not around - bribery might work?

Maybe she is more confident to lie on bf because you are also so close. Sounds like she is making the effort with him!!

My cats are like this with my dad if there are other people around. If he's on cat sitting duty on his own they are fine. But I think they object to being called 'puss.' I don't think Fatty has forgiven him for calling her as a joke. 'A stunted little rat' and when challenged pretending he said "gorgeous little cat". (He loves them really and I am more than happy to leave them in his care!!)

Your bf should play with and lavish attention on the cat. Every day. Even if the cat takes a while to warm up to this.

All good advice, thank you. We have started a new regime today : when my bf gets home before me he gives the cat a treat !

Our cat isn't remotely keen on DH. She's been with us a year now and has never chosen to sit on his lap, she only ends up there if she thinks it's me by accident. He feeds her every morning.

I think they're quite happy pretty much ignoring each other! To be fair though she has decided she's my cat. Though she's quite friendly with the baby, but I suspect that's because she's not entirely worked out that he's a separate person from me.

He sat on my bfs knee for a bit after getting treats.

But yeah, is definitely a one woman cat.