Cat is aggressive towards boyfriend. Need advice on what to do next please.

[peskyfeelings]

Hello all,

I could really use some thoughts on what to do about the following situation...

I re-homed a 5 year old British Short hair cat precisely a year ago this month. His previous owner bought him as a kitten, and her official line was that ill health was making her have to give him up. She has also re-homed her other two cats a few months before I took him on.

Myself and my boyfriend live together, and basically the issue is that the cat really dislikes my boyfriend. His behaviour is getting worse as the months go past and I really don't know what to do about it.

Cat will hiss at boyfriend and run away from him whenever he goes near him/walks past him. He has scratched him (at times quite severely) more times than I can count. He will hide under furniture and then run at him hissing and scratching. Last night he was hiding under the bed and mauled his bare feet as boyfriend walked across the room. He also growls at him a lot of the time, and just generally acts in a very aggressive manner towards him.

He tends to be a lot better with him when I'm around, but will still often growl/hiss and sometimes scratch. He never scratches me; although he will sometimes hiss at me for no obvious reason. He's not the most affectionate of cats. He never gets on your lap, or cuddles up to you. The concept of snuggling you on the bed etc seems totally lost on him! He will let me stroke him though, and seems quite fond of me in his own grumpy way.

He's also incredibly demanding. He will yowl for food from the moment you stir on a morning, and always looks like he's basically very disappointed in you and the world around him.

I'm really not sure what to do about it. I do like the cat, but it's creating a lot of tension in the house and my poor boyfriend is cut to ribbons. We try our best to be good owners, but it's all really frustrating. I've got another thread running currently about my horse who also has behavioural issues. It's all getting a bit too much quite frankly! :(

Any thoughts or advice would be much appreciated. Thank you.

Could he have been taken from his mother too soon? I've read that doing that can cause behavioural problems due to the kittens not learning appropriate behaviour when small.

Do you think the cat likes the attention his getting from acting like that? He does occasionally sit with your bf and let him stroke him so he can't hate him too much? Have you tried completely ignoring him when his hissing and scratching?

We have tried ignoring it. In fact we do now just ignore him when he hisses and growls. It doesn't seem to make any difference.

Perhaps it is his way of attention seeking? I've never considered that. BF does struggle to ignore the scratching though. I can't say I blame him. I'd struggle to ignore a cat launching itself at me and taking a chunk out of my hand!

He only let's my BF stroke him if I am there iyswim? If I'm not around cat will hide, growl, hiss, scratch. He does still hiss/growl when I'm there, but not quite as badly.

Some back ground info that I've totally omitted. Not intentionally I should add, it just slipped my mind for some reason. At Christmas myself and BF went away to my parents. Cat went to the house of my friend and his parents for the duration and was basically spoiled to an inch of his life. He came back as fat as a barrel! His behaviour changed. He started sleeping in hallway and not bedroom, and just seemed basically peed off with everything we did. That's when his behaviour towards BF got really bad. He's sleeping back in bedroom and stuff now, but still awful to BF.

Could the going away have had some terrible impact on him?

I can't remember the details, but I saw a few episodes of cats from hell where there were cats behaving like yours towards a partner. It might be worth watching some episodes.
Also watch how you play with the cat and how your partner does it, maybe you will see a difference. My cat never liked to play much with me until I noticed that I did not play fast enough.

I'm afraid that it almost sounds as if he thinks he's been returned to the 'wrong people' and is showing his displeasure. When you say that he came back like a barrel, were they over feeding him do you think?

I suspect they were overfeeding him cozietoesie. In their defence they didn't know much about cats and he's very demanding. They'll have though his greed was genuine hunger. He does have to be fed quite strictly as he's so lazy and prone to easily getting fat.

I must admit I had the returned to the wrong people thought myself. :( I thought he would have gotten over it by now, but he really hasn't. I'm really thinking of just giving him to them tbh. They have made no secret of the fact they would love to have him.

Which feels like a pretty rubbish outcome. It's not much fun having a cat that doesn't like you to the point it hates living in your home.

When The Lodger decided to move in with us, he had the pick of several neighbourhood houses - they were almost queuing up to have him live with them - but we were the ones that seemed to 'suit', Seniorboy's rather adversarial presence notwithstanding. Who can tell why cats sometimes prefer one person to another?

I know only that they do make such decisions and, in my experience, it's not always about practical issues such as food etc. In the last reckoning, do you think he's unresolvably unhappy with you? It's all about him after all.

I don't think he's unresolvably unhappy with me. He's fine when it's just me in the flat. In fact he's sleeping on the bed now while I work on my laptop (and Mumsnet, ahem)

I think he's unresolvably unhappy with my boyfriend though. He's getting increasingly worse with him. I went into the kitchen last night while he was eating and I think for a second he thought I was BF (I was wearing his dressing gown) The look on his face was pure malice. Ears back, eyes rolling, teeth bared and growling. Then I spoke to him, and as soon as he heard my voice he was back to normal.

So strange that he's taken against my BF so violently since his trip away though. My only theory is that the man of the house there pandered to his every need, so he's furious my BF isn't that man?

It does rather sound as if he's developed a 'thing' about your boyfriend - you said it was mainly since he came back from abroad?

Where do you feel he'd be happiest? And if he went to live with your friend's parents, would he be able to go outside?

I feel he's be less constantly disappointed in life at there's, so that would be something.

It's hard to explain, but he has always rather given off the air that everything you do just isn't quite good enough for him. I thought it would improve with time, but it's actually just getting worse.

I don't know if I would suggest him going outside to be honest. Perhaps under supervision. He's never been out. I've lost two BSH in the past when they got out. I'm super paranoid now. I would probably let him out here (under careful eye) if we had a garden. Unfortunately we just have the balcony/fire escape.

Tough decision to make perhaps.

Maybe he's depressed?

I think vets will prescribe anti depressants for cats now. They definitely prescribe prozac for depressed parrots, that over-groom and pull their feathers out.

I also have a british shorthair who is aggressive with everyone except me and my boyfriend. He is also Indoor. How did you get on with this in the end? did you see a cat behaviourist?

Very random thought..... does your BF wear a particular deodorant or aftershave? Perhaps there's a particular scent that is triggering the aggression?

Does your boyfriend like cats? He can probably tell that your boyfriend and you aren't fond of him and it is contributing to his anxiety. On top of getting a dog, which you seem incredibly nonchalant about, he is probably very stressed. I feel sorry for him, perhaps it is best you rehome him. If it were me, I'd rehome the boyfriend!

I know I probably won't get a reply but was this problem solved with your cat? My cat was in an accident a while ago and he turned on my boyfriend the vet said it was because he felt vulnerable. Now he's all better and we've recently moved house itd started exactly how you've described it. He hisses and growls ( which he has never done before his accident ).. some days are easier but the others are real bad. I've tried plug ins and a cat remedy spray. I'm going to give the cat calming tablets ago next.

Long shot but my cat was in an accident last September and he turned on my boyfriend just constantly hissing and growling. He got better as his leg got better and that was that he was back to normal. So recently we've moved house.... and it's started back up again to the point he actually attacked him!! Now all his family are saying he should be punished for how bad it was but he's never done it to anyone before! He's going to the vet next week for a health check. I just want him to accept my boyfriend even if they are never friends:(