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The litter tray

Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

Original poster

should I move my cat

17 replies

Mummy2squish · 28/03/2016 19:40

We have had our lovely cat for 6 years and although she's quite an "in your face" kind of cat she's brilliant. Everyone comments on her wonderful temperament she's never attacked or growled all she does which could be a negative is gets under your feet a bit.

My DS adores her and she allows him to get away with anything, he lies on top of her stacks his toys on her and he lets her get on with it.

The problem is my DH husband. He makes no secret that he doesn't like cats but he knows I have always had them and in my mind it's not a home without one. But our poor cat is constantly running the gauntlet to get around him. He removes her from rooms (as in carries her not forcefully) even though she's just sitting there he locks the cat flap for no reason and tells her to get out!

We have an issue with cats using our flowerbeds as litter trays (including our cat) he cleared up 11 poos this afternoon and I get it that's annoying but he caught our cat pooing and started shouting at her when she came in the house he chased her back out. Our DS then started shouting at her so his bad attitude is rubbing off on him. I had to apologise to friends who were here at the time and I was mortified.

I've asked my mum if she would take my lovely cat on as then at least me and DS will see her. I really don't want to and DH says that's silly but it's just not fair on her and I don't want our son to think it's acceptable to act that way with an animal.

I just can't decide what to do for the best. I'm so angry at my DH for his behaviour as well.

OP posts:
almostthirty · 28/03/2016 19:42

I'd rehome dh.

usual · 28/03/2016 19:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Crikeyblimey · 28/03/2016 19:44

Keep the cat - re-home the husband.

Have you had the cat longer than you've had him or was he involved in the decision to get a cat?

He really needs to adjust his opinion of her and the way he treats her. If her pooing in the garden is a big issue for him, could you clean it up?

As for making her leave the room he is in - how bloody rude of him. If she's not sitting in him and bothering him, he needs to get a grip and leave her be.

timelytess · 28/03/2016 19:45

Don't let your child lie on the cat - she might change her mind about how acceptable she finds that.

What is your DH like in other respects?

Original poster
Mummy2squish · 28/03/2016 19:52

We bought her together (we also bought her sister at DHs insistence but sadly she died).

I have said I'll clean it up from now on.

His family are all the same if our cat rubs round them they move her away with their feet so he's been brought up with a lack of affection with animals.

It's a really unattractive trait of his as I'm a real animal person. His attitude towards her has changed massively since we had our son he used to be a lot better SadAngry

I just feel like it's not a nice environment for her to be in. Whenever he works away I give her as much love and affection as I can but she shouldn't have to be on alert the rest of the time! My mum adores her and I know she'll be treated like a princess but I would be devastated.

OP posts:
cozietoesie · 28/03/2016 19:58

I'd consider asking for this thread to be moved to Relationships I think. That's rather .....unhelpful and aggressive ..... behaviour of his and the whole setup would make me edgy, I'm afraid.

Fluffycloudland77 · 28/03/2016 20:16

It's not nice, I would be put off from that too.

It's the cats home too, she's a domesticated animal so a bit crap at fending for herself.

It'd be like locking you out for something you don't know is wrong. It's meant to teach kindness to children by having a pet to look after.

I'm veering to rehome her so she can have a safe place to live all the time but then you've cowtowed, but at least she's safe & she can't protect herself from him so you have to.

Horrid, horrid situation for you to be in.

RobotMenu · 28/03/2016 20:17

I'm with cozie on this one. It's one step from animals to people.

picklesanne · 28/03/2016 20:17

Poor cat, I would get rid of Dh, she will end up being frightened poor thing.

tippytap · 28/03/2016 20:23

You don't have a cat problem, you have a husband problem.

I'd ditch 'D'h, personally.

Vinorosso74 · 28/03/2016 21:01

Rehome your DH then you, DS and DCat can happily get along.
Seriously though he needs to start treating the cat kindly mainly for the sake of the cat but also it's important for your son to grow up knowing how to treat and be kind to animals which he will learn from you but not good if his dad won't set a good example.

BuggersMuddle · 28/03/2016 21:20

That's really unpleasant. I'd imagine the cat must be quite on edge if he's commonly unpleasant with her.

My DM doesn't 'like' cats, but she wouldn't go any further than shooing BuggersMoggy gently. Aside from anything else, shouting or swearing at a cat is pretty pointless as it's not likely to achieve any kind of positive behaviour change on the part of the cat (at least not in any cat I've ever met).

He needs to get a grip and set a better example. Is he commonly shouty and aggressive or just with the cat?

Original poster
Mummy2squish · 28/03/2016 21:26

muddle no not at all just with that cat.

OP posts:
cozietoesie · 28/03/2016 21:29

Just to say - I'd move the cat directly. It's no life for her right now from the sound of it and you have to be thinking of her happiness. (It should be little difficulty to present it appropriately to DS. )

Having said which, I doubt that it will sort your family issues for more than the very shortest time. There's a lot going on here from the sound of it.

Wolfiefan · 28/03/2016 21:32

He sounds horrid. I'm sorry but I couldn't live with anyone who treated my loves pet like that.
He can ignore the cat but shouting at it or being unkind is just not on. What does he say when you call him on this?
Is he a shit in other ways?

cozietoesie · 28/03/2016 21:33

And in any case, there's no bad behaviour to 'modify' as far as I can see BuggersMuddle.

BuggersMuddle · 28/03/2016 22:38

Don't disagree at all cozietoesie, just thinking that the approach wouldn't work regardless!

If he's only awful with the cat and not generally shouty then I would have thought he is perfectly capable of not being awful around the cat.

If otoh he really can't tolerate a cat in the house, he needs to be upfront with you and let you re-home.

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