How to restore Trust

[MrsBertMacklin]

Long story short, I accidentally batted away my cat 2 days ago (cleaning at height, didn't think to put cat out of the way, she jumped on me and I did it as a reflex).

She has stopped coming anywhere near me and hides when I come into the room.

Please don't flame, it was an accident and I already feel like a shit person over this.

I have been completely leaving her be. Still being vocal with her, but not making any attempts to pick her up. Is this the best thing, patience and let her come when she's ready?

I'd get the cat treats out, and see if he'd come out for those.
Mine hates being picked up tho, so cuddles are always on his terms.

Hope your forgiven soon - mine got a whole pint of water over him when he got under my feet, and I was soon forgiven with bribary!

She'll forgive you, something similar happened with me and Little Monsieur last summer. He sulked outside the neighbour's front door, implying he wanted to live with them now. Every time I went near him, he did this sort of huffing noise, like Kevin the Teenager.

Lots of Dreamies, and he was fine with me the next day.

Like you, I felt awful.

A slavish but normal routine and lots of talking. She'll come round. (Darling Twoago ran into the hoover once and got himself seriously batted in his panic - it's happened to most of us in one way or another, I'm sure.)

PS - you've both already done the really big work at the beginning of the relationship. This is a temporary blip.

Thanks all. Will open a fresh bag of Dreamies, buy some cat milk and do my silliest 'high octave cat voice' when I get back.

Treats, treats and grovelling.

ASBO gets whacked and trodden on fairly regularly. They do get in the way.

Yes. Wait until you tread on a paw/tail. Followed by sad/rueful looks at feet. Terrified pantomime running away whenever your feet are glimpsed.

When my laptop fell near Little Monsieur in the garden, (his fault, he knocked it over) He hissed at me! Then ran away and hid under a table! That cat's the most confident cat ever, NOTHING phases him. He was just being a histrionic arse.

Oh yes. I actually had a terrible one the other morning- scooped up the madcat for her pre-breakfast cradling, and on the way up didn't notice a saucepan handle overhanging the cooker and gave her an almighty clonk, I think on the head. It was dreadful, I watched her like a hawk all day for signs of brain injury and imminent death.

She, on the other hand, clearly
knew she was fine so just spent the day giving me baleful glares and doing the 'I'm running away from you because you're evil' dance.

Best get used to everything being your fault. Even when it isn't.

I gave Jack a static shock on his ear. He looked at me. Decided I did it on purpose and stuck his claws in my chin.

Still in her cat house refusing to come out. Dreamies have been scattered...

Blimey, she can keep up The Sulk for a long time, can't she MrsBert?

I think they pick up on our guilt. They're good at picking up on human's feelings.

Not to alarm you, but is it at all possible she may have hurt herself and could do with a check-up at the vet?

Right, you're going to have to break out the big guns.

Rotisserie chicken. The supermarkets will have packed away for tonight.

She is a very passive cat, anyway. She will (normally) quite happily come and sit on me / sleep on the bed in order to get cuddles and if I lie on the floor, she will come to be petted.

But if I'm walking around or try to approach her while standing, she scurries. I am assuming that in her past life, there was someone who did something to her regularly whilst doing this (kicking, perhaps).

Hence the mega guilt for making her scared again.

Don't think she's hurt, I scared her, but she landed with no problems and I could hear her running around playing with her toys this morning before I got up.

Mr Cory screams like Julian Clary if I stroke him the 'wrong way' according to how he is feeling that day. Then he springs off me and minces down the hall all huffy.

Woe betide me if I don't go looking for him to apologize. Dreamies get him back.

I have a traumatised rescue cat who can react like this. What I do:
Lie flat down on the floor and talk in a low reassuring voice, make purring sounds, scatter dreamies. Repeat. Settle on the floor for the evening (with a dvd or a book) if that's what it takes.

And yes the mega guilt is the worst. But sometimes it's impossible to avoid scaring them no matter how hard you try.

MCat's the same Cory. If one even dares to turn over in bed when he's got comfy, there's high pitched yowly nagging. Usually with hissing. He may run away in dizz-gust. Or he may chomp on human flesh.

He's looking at me funny now. Annoyed by the tapping of the key-board.

And bless you MrsBert, for being lovely and empathic towards your cat.

Aw Bert (love the username btw, Parks & Rec is fab). Don't feel guilty, it was an accident.
You're right to back off.
Lots of treats so she'll reassociate you with good things. Give treat, then back off. She'll come around - will realise you are a human who makes mistakes but is kind, not an abusive twunt.

MrsBert

I'll leave aside thoughts of you being manipulated by a master (which all cats are) but remember that if your own behaviour has changed, it might be making her apprehensive. 'Why is she acting like that? Is something up?' etc. They watch us for clues, I'm afraid.

Lots of talking as usual and revert to a normal routine. That will be the best thing to reassure her. After all she was playing with her toys yesterday morning when you weren't up so sounds basically OK.

Good luck.

Normal service has resumed

Good.

PS - you have to remember to keep that willpower well oiled.

Nothing wrong with being conciliatory if deserved but if cats think you're a total walkover they'll actually stop to put on the hob-nailed boots before getting stuck in!

Oh that is good news. One of ours got stuck in a shipping container type storage area and wouldn't come near us for days afterwards.

No history of abuse it was just all our fault in her mind.

I actually say 'Sorry' to the cats if I've done something stupid and that seems to work. Another excellent one is the phrase 'A' Gone' (pronounced 'Aww Gaunnn') which is one of those phrases that alters with context for cats but seems to signify 'Normal service is resumed' in their minds. With two hands raised in a 'Don't shoot I surrender' way, it signifies 'There's no more treat left' but just used by itself it says - 'Back to normal now' - eg the plumbers have gone, I've put away some implement of destruction, stopped doing something they don't like etc etc.

Do you use any standard phrases in that way, MrsBert ? You might feel a bit daft saying them at first but the cats pick up on them real fast as long, importantly, as they're used with utter consistency. You can't, for example, sully them by using them deliberately to fib about something. It might be Oh-So-Tempting to use a phrase to calm a cat down simply in order to get them in a carrier but they'll remember that you spoke with forked tongue and not trust that phrase again.