How can i get shy kitten to stop being scared of everything?

[BramwellBrown]

We have had our 2 kittens just over a week, they are 4 month old brothers, one has settled in really well and jumps up on my lap every opportunity he gets, plays with everything (especially my hair) and is a little purring monster, the other one is terrified of everything, will occasionally sniff me if I sit very quietly on the floor, hes looking at me from the other side of the room while i type this, but he runs away if i move even slightly and will hide if i look at him, he does wander round the house when the DC are at school and he thinks i'm not looking.

I've given him a closed box in a quiet corner with a hole for him to climb in and a towel in to sleep on which has at least got him out from under my bed and he is eating and going to the loo but i'm not sure if there's anything else I should be doing to get him used to people?

I've only had 3 cats before, one who adopted me (literally she followed me home from school 12 years ago and refused to leave until she died last summer) and two who we got as kittens when i was 4, so don't really have much experience with kittens or settling cats in, well not that I can remember anyway.

that should read box in a quiet corner of the living room, i figured that way he can see people but isn't in the middle of the room where the DC will annoy him.

Give it time. The other one may be giving off "I'm the boss" vibes. When other one is exploring elsewhere, give shy one any attention it is up for. or make sure it has the best high up hidey holes.

Some kittens are naturally ebullient and some aren't - and as sparky said, he may be used to his litter mate making all the running. I'd just give it some time and let him come to you for some love when he's ready. If he's eating/drinking and using his tray, those are the main things.

(Has he been checked out (including for hearing and sight issues)? I guess they've had their shots now and will be going for neutering very soon?)

Time, felliway may help as well.

I would encourage him to play as well and build up trust with him, when he seems relaxed sit near him and stroke him so he gets used to human interaction. Do you know much about their background?

you could try a fishing rod type cat toy with a dangly toy on the end and just gently drag it across the floor to start with near to the shy one, they say curiosity killed the cat very true with kittens , hopefully he will get interested in the toy and forget you are at the other end, treats are good too bits of chicken or ham or cheese might get him to take it from your hand

I adopted two young adult cats last summer and one was very timid - he spent most of the first day hiding down the side of a bookcase, and would hiss if I went over and looked at him! I kept both cats confined to one room for the first few days and spent quite a while just sat quietly in there on my computer, and also reading out loud to get them used to the sound of my voice. For quite a while the most timid one would only really come out and eat and such if I was ignoring him - if I turned to look at him and he noticed, he'd dart back down the bookshelf. It really just took time, and having his more bold friend around certainly helped - he seemed to be more confident if they were near each other and he could see nothing bad was happening to his friend!

Once he was more confident I then worked on socialisation and used to try to touch him gently while giving him wet food, also touching him with a feather-stick toy which wasn't as threatening as my hand, and worked up to hand feeding him chicken and holding it so he had to put his paws on my leg to reach it. After a couple of months he finally seemed to relent and accept that I'm not a monster and that stroking is nice, and now he's a proper attention-seeking monster who purrs like an engine and climbs on his hind legs to push his head against my hand with more force! He still hates strangers mind, but on a day-to-day basis he's a different cat and I never would have believed it back when I got growled at several times a day for looking at him or walking near his hiding spot... slow and steady, but you'll get there.

I love reading about your cats' journey Peas. I remember when you first got them and they hid all the time. You put so much thought and time and effort into looking after your boys.

Thanks for the replies.

Yeah they've been checked by the vet and had jabs so pretty sure its not a medical thing, they're being neutered in 2 weeks.

Background wise, they are from my friend, i pop round quite a bit, feed their mum and his other cats when hes away etc so I know the house they've grown up in quite well, they've been very well looked after and were with their mum until we got them (someone else was supposed to be having them but asked my friend to hold onto them until after Christmas then never turned up to get them) they were bought up with a dog that thinks its a cat and friend looks after his niece and nephew after school so they are reasonably used to kids, so apart from the turtle (which confident cat is fascinated by) there isn't anything completely new to them in my house and strangely my dog is the only thing in my house shy cat is not scared of, he wasn't scared of me in his old house though.

I have a mouse on a stick but so far he just looks terrified of it bless him, I'm going to try some ribbon when the DC go to bed as he was watching me lace my shoes with quite some interest earlier so I wonder if he just doesn't like the bell on mousey.

I tried some cat treats but he wasn't interested, they don't smell very nice though and confident cat wont eat them and nor will the dog so will give some other foods a go.

Ooh I hadn't thought of reading to them, this will reinforce DHs idea that I'm crazy but I will give it a go, thanks peas, that's really reassuring.

I agree with all of the great advice above. I've had a similar experience and the two things I would say (in addition to the above) would be to ensure the shy boy has a safe place, somewhere just for him, ideally a cardboard box that you will never touch him in or even pick him up from. It sounds like going backwards but I think it helps nervous cats. Our now very sociable cat still uses her 'safe box' when someone rings the doorbell or she just fancies some quiet time to herself. If you have other people in the house make sure they know the rules too. It's reassuring for the kitten which will help him in the long run.

The other piece of advice is that when he is pottering about, do continue with what you are doing i.e. to try and hold and stroke him as much as you can while he is young. Cats that are weird in later life is always to do with the fact that they haven't been handled enough when they are kittens and it really makes a difference. He may not like it at first but will soon learn to be okay with it and it will alleviate his fears. It sounds like you are being really gentle with him so as others have mentioned above, be consistent and soon he will find his feet (paws!).

poor little poppet.

dreamies are the only treats that my cats like!

Thanks RubbishMantra - I remember feeling so terrible that this poor cat I was trying to give a good life to just seemed scared of me, when all I wanted to do was love him and spoil him rotten. Tell that to Monty now when he weaves around my ankles so much in the morning that I can't walk down the stairs, or when he's purring away on the bed next to me, lying upside down and squirming around with really quite undignified delight as I tickle his belly.

Reading to cats might seem a bit crazy but it's a recommended tactic especially for timid ones, because you're not trying to directly interact with them and aren't looking at them either (which can be threatening) but it still helps them get used to the sound of your voice a bit more than just sitting quietly in the same room as them. Sitting on the floor is good too, because then you aren't looming quite so high above them and it's easier to cautiously begin to explore you and check you out on their level. Good luck!

It snowed last night and shy kitten decided it was just too cold to sleep on the bathroom windowsill like he usually does so came and joined his brother on my bed, this did lead to my toe getting attacked at 3am and I still get hissed at for trying to stroke him but its a step in the right direction, he is now snuggled up on my bed with a look that clearly says enjoy the cold school run.

Wonderful progress. He will have trained in no time

trained you, that is

That's the start then - uphill from now on.

Just a quick update, Shy kitty has decided he actually doesn't hate being stroked as long as he has come to me and its not for too long, he even sat next to me and purred earlier

By the way - as these things often go, it's a fair bet that shy kitten will end up being the bigger love sponge of the pair. Once they 'fall', they tend to fall hard.