Beautiful boy being pts tomorrow lunchtime :-(

[rosieposey]

I can't sleep, i made an appointment for my beloved boy who is 14 to be pts at our house tomorrow lunchtime. I feel so guilty and sad - i will miss him so much. He is currently snuggled in with DS (under the covers with his head poking out.

I know we are doing the right thing. He has had a neurological disorder since he was two ( or thats when it became first evident) slowly slowly over the years it has affected him more and more, muscle loss, strange gait when he walks ect.

The last couple of months he has stopped talking ( he is an oriental and always was vocal) and he is painfully thin - just eats barely anything and we have tried everything. I cannot bear for him to starve to death or to be in pain so i know the time has come as the vet warned us a few months ago that it probably would but how will i manage without him :-(

My boy has seen me through the worst and best times in my life, a sad marriage, divorce, subsequent happy marriage and two more DC's who adore him.

DH is working from home tomorrow so he can be here when the vet arrives, i am going out because i literally cannot bear it :-( It sounds terrible but sometimes i just wish i had woken up and found him gone in his sleep iykwim? I hate that i had to make this decision even though i know its kinder but i dont want him to go just yet.

I have asked them to take him away with them so he can be cremated and we can have him back in a week and i will decide what to do then.

Oh lord, i wish i could be there for his last moments, DD who is 19 will be here and so will DH but i literally cant even look at him this evening knowing it will be his last night and i just cant stop crying :-(

[Gileswithachainsaw]

So sorry for your loss. You did the right thing and he went quietly at home surrounded by love.

Not a bad way to go. He won't ever forget you and it sounds like has had a good life with you.

Sweet dreams kitten.

[CattyCatCat]

He was loved so well by you and your family. I know it does not ease your heartbreak but feel proud that you gave him such a fabulous home. He was a very lucky cat and you were so blessed to have him xx

[HansieLove]

Thank you. I'm crying again. It's so hard to lose pets when we love them. It does sound like you helped Pip to go at just the right time.

[LuisSuarezTeeth]

Rosie - big hugs x

Cozie, I said they DO know - I agree with you.

[rosieposey]

Ah he was a spoilt cat but so bloody loving with it. I'm lying in the bed that he passed away on earlier and I keep waiting for his body to snuggle up to ds ( we have him in our bed tonight as he is v sad ) DH I have only seen cry on the birth of our boys keeps bursting into tears. He said as he held him he told him he was loved and to have a lovely sleep :-(

We are sad for purely selfish reasons I realise because it was his right time I just could never conceive of a life without him he came before dh and ds's but everybody loved him.

My other two fur balls have been giving me cuddles and I am grateful I knew him and I was lucky enough that he was my cat.

Here they all are together on a happier day - my poor Pip does look skinny though.

[LastingLight]

Thinking of you

[rosieposey]

Thank you lasting light :-)

I phoned the vets today to pay them over the phone for the home visit and for Pip to be cremated and returned to us in a nice box with his name engraved on it within a week. I know it probably sounds silly and morbid but that way i feel he will always be with me.

I just cant believe he has gone, i keep looking at my bed expecting to see him there - he couldnt walk very well and was really loud ( he sounded like a person walking around upstairs ) and its so quiet now. Yesterday i looked at him one last time before walking out the door and leaving him with DH and DD and i feel like i left a little bit of me behind with him.

Done plenty of crying again today but i am glad i am this side of it. The anticipation was terrible but i am relieved that my darling boy is at peace now - i just really, really miss him :-(

[PacificDogwood]

I did not post yesterday, because I just did not have the words.

You did The Right Thing - that does not make his absence less hard to bear, I know. With time the house will seem less quiet and empty.

[Iwouldratherbemuckingout]

Oh Rosie - I am so sorry, it is so devastating, so painful to lose them. I lost my 3 old boys over the course of a year, each one cremated and their ashes are contained in a wooden sleeping cat. All 3 are curled up together in front of the fire.

When we collected their ashes, poor DP had to sort it out because I couldnt stop sobbing. So, heres a big hand hold for you, and please dont feel guilty, its the most selfless thing to do, let someone you love go, knowing that as their pain ends yours begins xxx

[LastingLight]

When we lost our boys earlier this year we had them cremated and the ashes came back in pretty little pottery pots with their names on. The youngster is on my desk where he liked to wreak havoc and the old boy is in DD's room where he slept at night.

[rosieposey]

I saw a lovely wooden sleeping cat online but our vet said that the cremation people that they used only offered the wooden box - i wonder if i would be able to get Pip put into one of the wooden cats - i like the idea of him in one of those near to me.

I dreamt about him last night - i wish he would come back and show me he is alright, i am still wracked with guilt that it was me that made the decision to end his life. I also know from what the vet said that if it hadnt been now it would have been in a couple of weeks and what if he had been in terrible pain so it comforts me somewhat.

The weirdest thing about dying ( and i felt like this when my dad died nearly 15 years ago) is not that they have died but that you know you are never going to see them again and that i simply cannot comprehend :-( i know that like with my dad i will get used to it eventually.

I want to put some photos up of him around ( we have a lot ) but i cant do it - maybe in a few months. The other two boys have been really sweet , following me around and generally giving me cuddles so thats nice. Im actually really glad i have them as they are a cute distraction sometimes.

Iwouldratherbemuckingout - how terrible to lose them all within such a short space of time - that must have been really hard. I wont be picking up his ashes as i will just cry and cry and our vets have already seen DH and DD in bits so they dont need to see me as well. Im sorry for your losses - its such a shitty part of pet ownership, you sort of love them like your dc's but unlike your dc's you dont usually expect them to outlive you.

Pacificdogwood and Lastinglight thank you for talking to me through this, its so hard and it means a lot when you know someone else knows what you are going through and how hard it is not to just spend your days crying because you miss that boycat so much :-(

Ah rubbish! I had held off bawling for today but here i go again.

[cozietoesie]

You have nothing to feel guilty about rosie.

With hindsight, I left it too long with Darling Twoago and then the decision was taken out of my hands. I wish I had had your courage and fortitude to let the lad go in better time. It really is an act of love for them.

[LastingLight]

Rosie I agree with cozie, you have nothing to feel guilty about and you did right by him. Our young cat was very ill and although the vet offered to treat him some more in hospital there was only a 10% chance of pulling him through so it was easy to make the decision. About old boy I felt the way you feel now... should we not have let him go on for a few more weeks? But rather do it a day too soon than a day too late and I'm now at peace that we let him go before he was suffering too much.

[chockbic]

I felt guilty with mine. The day she was put to sleep, a bit of the old spark came back. She was even chattering at a moth! Then she retreated and kind of flopped down into a corner.

It's never an easy decision. Take care x

[Mitzimaybe]

Guilt is a natural part of grieving. But honestly, you've nothing to feel guilty about, you did the best thing for your Pippin, and he's not suffering any more. It's the kindest thing to do.

[rosieposey]

Thank you all for your kinds words. I know it was for the best but sometimes for the best isn't always selfishly what we want :-(

On Friday morning Pip got up and went downstairs, we were hoping against hope that he would eat but instead he went into the back and bought up the little bit of food that he had ingested in the last 24 hours. DD was with him all morning before the vets came and offered him all of his favourite things ( including crisps which occasionally we let him have as he adored them ) and he just couldn't eat because i think his mouth was so sore.

The vets felt that that it probably wasn't the neurological condition that made him so thin but that his kidneys failed quite quickly and there was nothing that could be done - they made it sound like he was only days away from the end anyway so i am glad it was done when it was - i couldn't bear it if he had died in lots of pain.

DH held him and said he was not frightened at all and that he just went to sleep in his arms whilst being told how loved he was so hey, who can ask for a nicer last moment than that i suppose

I wonder when we will stop missing him or looking for him even though we all now know he is gone? DD or DH will pick up his ashes next week and i know it sounds strange but i will feel comforted that he is still with us in some way.

[patienceisvirtuous]

Oh I have cried lots at this thread rosie.

What a well-loved and lucky cat Pippin was. And gorgeous to boot.

I am really sorry for your loss x

[LuisSuarezTeeth]

So sorry Rosie - but it sounds like he went without fear and feeling so loved.

He'll always be with you.

[Wishyouwould]

So sorry for your loss, my heart goes out to you