How do you decide when to say 'goodbye'?

[tb]

That's it really.

Our much-loved and part of the family Maine Coon is nearly 20. She's lost loads of weight and probably weighs no more than 2-3 lbs, when she used to weigh 11 lbs.

She still has enough teeth to be threatening, and asks for food all the time.

But.....she's peeing everywhere, all the time. Despite the front door being almost permanently open so she can go out, and a litter tray in the hall in a quiet corner, she pees all the time. Especially in the kitchen, just in front of the fridge.

Anyone else been through this?

Awful time for you- it's horrible to have to think about making the decision. What does the vet say about her peeing? Might it be an infection that antibiotics could clear up?

I'm soon going to be facing this as well tb . My own boy is the same age as your girl and although he hasn't had such a dramatic weight loss (that is quite frightening) and is still continent, he has a few other problems and simply isn't going to make it for a whole lot longer - at least not in any way which will still give him a good quality of life.

Have you vetted her recently? And do you think she's really enjoying her life at the moment?

It's so hard isn't it. The older they get the more it becomes less about whether something is treatable and more about whether things like having to stay overnight at the vets and side effects of the medication and the stress it all causes and whether it's worth it

Weight loss and continence plus age could indicate kidney problems. Very common. It can be managed short term but ultimately prolongs the inevitable.

I would take her to see vet buy mu gut feeling from.what you said is that it's probably time

I had to make this decision a few years ago and it still upsets me. You must have looked after her so well for her to reach 20.

I had to do this a couple of years ago with my two lovely cats.

They were 18 years old and I had had them since 9 weeks, taken them around the world with me, loved them as we all obviously do.

First cat was the strong, lively, cheeky one who could still remind me of the tiny kitten she used to be. Obviously old but not unwell. I had thought having her pts a couple of months before when she had lost a lot of weight, took her to the vet and she thought she was fine, just old. She eventually went downhill v quickly, I suppose she was just dying of being an old lady. She changed so much in a matter of two days that I felt I had taken her to the vet too late iyswim. I wish to this day that I had done it a week earlier (but she was fine (just old) then).

Second cat about six months later, he was always the weaker one health wise but again not unwell, just old. I took him sooner, still horrid but it didn't upset me half as much as my dear girl cat.

Honestly, thinking that I could have done something sooner haunted me for months so even though it is very hard a day too early is better than a day too late.

Warm wishes, Lavender.

even though it is very hard a day too early is better than a day too late.

I would agree wholeheartedly, Lavender. I still regret not taking action with Darling Twoago while the sun was still shining for him a little - the decision was taken out of my hands in the end but I should have let him go earlier.

At this stage of their life, I think it's all about the cat and sometimes you have to do the loving thing to recognize that life isn't good for them any more. Cats will generally struggle on grimly in the face of great unpleasantness and we can help them to avoid that.

Yes, I've had a lot of animals over the years, and the regrets I have are for the ones where I put off the decision. One especially, a very special cat, who I should have been strong about, and wasn't. And she vanished, and I never found out what happened to her. I still feel sad about that and it was nearly 20 years ago.

Yes, it's hard, isn't it?

At the beginning of the month I was away for 10 days from a Friday to a Sunday. DH and I had the Friday night away together, and then he came home and I went to the UK to go on a course the following week.

When he came home she refused to eat, and at first he thought she was sulking. He took her to the vet on the Monday who was quite shocked, and DH thinks he was going to suggest putting her to sleep. DH asked if they could give her a jab, which they did - don't know if it was combined vitamin/antibiotic sort of thing. Anyway, by the time I came home she'd perked up and was demanding food and cuddles all the time and jumping on to the settee to sit by me with her head tucked in against my thigh. She's just jumped down.

We also got her some liquid food for convalescent cats, and gave her some cooked chicken. We also added a little benfibre to her food. We think it may have just been constipation due to lack of eating.

Feel a little worried about being her security blanket, but then, she used to sleep on my head when she was a kitten and we first brought her home from the breeders.

The other thing we're now thinking is whether we should get another.....DH is 65 and I'm 58, and so the next one could outlive us - not a nice thought.

Also, the French ones don't have such nice faces, and they're ears are too long and lynx-like. Another problem too is that we've let ours be an outdoor cat, and many breeders won't allow that.

I recently had to make this decision for my old boy, he was around 15 and had been on meds for chronic kidney disease and arthritis for about 3 years. He would still jump on DD's bed and the sofa, would ask for food (but eat very little) and demand my attention. I took him to the vet because he started meowing in the same horrible way he did when he was in pain from his arthritis, but I could tell from his movement that it wasn't arthritis this time. When the vet weighed him I was shocked at how much weight he had lost in a couple of months. Blood tests showed high creatinine and low potassium, and he was anemic. The vet told me that any of those things by itself would cause him to feel unwell, together they must make him feel really bad, and there is nothing more we can do. I took him home, we spoiled him rotten with milk and all his favourite food for a few days, and then we let him go. We could have kept him going for a while longer but that just felt selfish to me... it was a quality of life issue. We miss him like mad but I know we made the right decision. I agree with the others - rather a day too early than a day too late.

So sorry to hear this...
In the last 12 months I have had to make this decision for both of my old cats, they had both been with me since they were tiny, and it was really heartbreaking.

Just a thought though. If she is asking for food all the time, losing a lot of weight and weeing a lot, it might be an overactive thyroid, in which case medication may stabilise things & she could perk up - but of course the overall decision has to come down to her overall quality of life

My old boy had an overactive thyroid aged 16 (it took us a while to notice something was wrong) and survived for over 2 more years after treatment (his eventual death was not thyroid-related), it is quite a common condition in elderly cats so the vet was quite matter-of-fact about it.