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Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

The litter tray

Someone tell me this will get better soon

19 replies

stealthsquiggle · 08/09/2014 08:44

I found my gorgeous loving characterful BoyCat knocked down and killed on the road last night. He was only 18 months old, and we had only had him 6 months, but I loved him so much. He had gone from hiding in the corner shaking to weaving himself into every aspect of our lives. I literally can't stop crying - I just about managed to hold it in for long enough to get the DC back to school for the first day of term this morning, otherwise they (especially 11yo DS, whose special buddy he was) would have lost it too, but now I am back to square one and sobbing over photos.

Tell me it gets better. Please. We are going to have to find another cat to keep his sister company, but I don't know how long to leave it, as I don't think I could let another one into my heart quite so thoroughly just yet - it hurts too much.

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juneybean · 08/09/2014 08:46

Oh I'm so sorry :(

It will get better with time but I do think getting a new one will help, you'll be able to concentrate on them and will ease the hurt a wee bit.

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Pointlessfan · 08/09/2014 08:51

I'm so sorry to hear that, what a terrible shock. Hope you are all ok.

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cozietoesie · 08/09/2014 08:56

I'm so sorry stealthsquiggle.

I recall that when Twoago died, I couldn't stop bursting into tears for many many days - but yes, it does ease and eventually you'll likely get to the point where you remember their funny ways and not the rest, really.

I wouldn't necessarily rush into getting another cat just for the sake of easing the hurt though. You (and it) run the risk of you not being healed at all and of the other cat suffering from constant comparison with the cat who has gone which wouldn't be fair on either of you. It takes different people in different ways so just be sure that when you find another cat to live with you, it's the right time for you and your family and for them - whenever that is.

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dingit · 08/09/2014 08:57

So sorry to hear that, it does get better, but it took me ages ( I've lost two like that)
You will love another, but you won't forget the one you lost. ( I'm crying for you and me now, why do I always click on sad threads?)

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maybeIwillmaybeIwont · 08/09/2014 08:59

Oh no, I am so sorry, what a thing to happen, and you're having to be so brave for your DC's. But take time to grieve, he was obviously greatly loved and will be greatly missed.

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stealthsquiggle · 08/09/2014 09:18

Thanks, all. Glad to know I am not the only mad cat woman who let's them so thoroughly into their heart.

Cozietosie - that's my concern. I am caught between not wanting GirlCat to be lonely (she is clearly missing him horribly - she is not a cuddly cat at all so I can't sob on her, but has been a little shadow round my ankles since yesterday, which is most unlike her) and not putting another cat in the position where DS and I can't really love them because they are not our gorgeous boy, and all we actually want is to have him back. DD(7) will recover quite quickly, I think, as she never really bonded with him, but for DS this was his first cat love and they have spent large portions of the summer holiday snuggled up together .

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MinimalistMommi · 08/09/2014 09:47

OP, I'm so, so sorry. I'm waiting to get our first kitten and I know that it will become a huge part of our family. If you do get another cat, would you consider getting a rescue that needs to be indoors or choosing a Ragdoll kitten either from a breeder or a Ragdoll rescue?

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MinimalistMommi · 08/09/2014 09:47

*ragdoll being an example of an indoor cat.

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stealthsquiggle · 08/09/2014 10:26

Minimalist - we live in the middle of nowhere. Having an indoor cat here would be an advanced form of cat torture. Watching boycat and girlcat happily rioting round the garden and adjoining fields was one of the great joys of life. So no, I will have to face that this will always be a risk. I have never lost a cat this way before on my life, in spite of always having outdoor cats even when we lived in a town.

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cozietoesie · 08/09/2014 11:12

If/when the time comes, you'll know that you're all ready, I think. It may be, after all, that girlcat shows a different side of herself following boycat's departure and you'll all enjoy her being a cuddly singleton. It may even be that you're Dudleyed !

(After Oneago's death, I didn't find another Siamese immediately (which is unusual for me) and then when my mother died and Seniorboy needed a home, I was the one who had the vacancy and he's fitted in here as if I'd had him from a kit. It's not always possible to tell about these things.)

Take care.

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timtam23 · 08/09/2014 21:09

I'm so sorry stealth
Poor Boycat
I dread this happening to my own young adventurous boycat (the above-mentioned Dudley)
Give yourselves time to grieve for boycat - you may find that you and girlcat can get by as a one-cat family after all.

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cozietoesie · 08/09/2014 21:30

Here's the 'Dudley' thread, stealth. (It wasn't available to link to earlier.) Read it and cheer yourself up.

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Tiptops · 09/09/2014 00:40

I'm so, so sorry for your loss Time does help, but I can't promise that will happen soon. Losing a pet is heartbreaking, let alone in such sad and unexpected circumstances.

Cats in the countryside are often much less car savvy than those who are used to traffic in towns/cities. Please, please reconsider letting your existing cat outside. Cat proofing your garden, or providing her with a safe enclosure is so much kinder than the alternative. Most of my cats have been converted from free roaming to indoor only and it absolutely isn't torture for them. They are still very happy and actually seem to enjoy our company more instead of just using the house as a place to eat and sleep.

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stealthsquiggle · 09/09/2014 22:13

Thank you, tiptops, but I am afraid we are going to have to agree to differ on that one. I have never agreed with the concept of indoor cats in general (I know there are circumstances where it is necessary, but only as an absolute last resort). We are not home enough to be company for cats, and cats with the energy of BoyCat and GirlCat would wreck the house in no time - they did a quite spectacular amount of damage in the week between them getting the confidence to stop hiding from us and when we caved and let them out.

Not even the horrible reality of what has happened makes me change the view that, for us at least, cats need to be allowed out, I am afraid. I would do anything to have BoyCat back, but no matter how many times I go over it in my head, I wouldn't have done anything differently.

Anyway..... GirlCat is really not very happy on her own, and I have come to the conclusion that it is vanishingly unlikely that she will settle to be a people-centric cat (although she did bring me a vole today, which was very sweet of her), so we need to do something sooner rather than later. I have been offered a 2 year old boy (some nasty sod moved and left him behind) who could join us in a couple of weeks once he has been neutered and caught up on jabs etc. DS is not home tonight, but I will talk to him about it tomorrow night and see what he thinks. Much as it doesn't take the hurt away, I am mildly surprised at how even the thought of newcat makes me feel that something nice might, after all, happen again one day. It will be interesting to see if DS feels the same way or not.

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Lemsy · 10/09/2014 00:49

My heart i with you stealth... god bless xxx

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stealthsquiggle · 10/09/2014 11:22

Gah. No sooner do I think I am starting to feel better than GirlCat disappears. She has gone hunting. I know she has. She does this. She was snuggled up (on DD's coat on the floor - she hasn't slept in her bed since BoyCat disappeared ) happily last night, and must have been out and come back at some point after that, as she left me half a mouse. It doesn't stop me feeling absolutely frantic and checking everywhere including the verge where I found BoyCat .

I am going to get teenage eye rolls from her when I demand to know what time she thinks it is and where the hell she has been when she does deign to reappear.

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cozietoesie · 10/09/2014 12:01

The 'What's your problem?' look? You probably will.

Let us know when she gets back though - it will relieve your mind.

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stealthsquiggle · 10/09/2014 23:16

Sure enough. 9pm, strolls in, inhales the food which has been waiting for her all day, fawns all over DS, and crashes out. Teenagers .

DS has given his slightly wobbly-lipped blessing to the idea of the rescue cat I had found. I think I will reserve him and give DS a cooling off period. If we change our minds, I will give the shelter and donation to buy him plenty of time to find another home.

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cozietoesie · 10/09/2014 23:24

You'll sleep tonight at least. Little hussy.

(Nice idea about the donation.)

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