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In such pain...our beautiful cat

19 replies

Squarepegina · 03/08/2014 09:26

We found out on Friday that our beautiful cat is dead. He went missing three weeks ago and we have been frantically searching since then. An advert in the local paper produced two calls who both said a cat matching our description had been killed on the road a mile from our home two hours after we had last seen him. The pain is so bad.
We've had cats for 30 years and both have died through old age. We don't live in a town and are surrounded by fields...but there is this one main road over the fields.
I have always believed strongly that cats shouldn't be kept locked up and so all our cats are free to come in and out during the day. And I am around lots so love their company, they really are a big part of my family.
Now I'm devastated, have I got it wrong? All my confidence at giving a loving responsible home to a cat has been shattered and I miss him desperately.
Please please don't post to tell me how I killed him by letting him out, I couldn't bear it, but is there any way I could have made him more traffic aware?

OP posts:
Chaby · 03/08/2014 09:32

I am so sorry for your loss.

We lost one of our cats a few weeks ago and it is devastating (She was only young and I expected her to be around for many years, its such a shock to lose them so suddenly).

Like you I questioned whether we should have kept them in, but also strongly feel they need some freedom to explore outside and on balance the risk of something happening has to be taken.

You gave your cat a loving and happy home, what has happened is awful but you could not have done anything to prevent it.

Thinking of you xx

Chaby · 03/08/2014 09:34

And by the way, I still let our other cat out even though it makes me VERY anxious.

Squarepegina · 03/08/2014 09:39

Chaby I'm sorry that you've experienced this too. Thank you so much for your kind post. X

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Squarepegina · 03/08/2014 09:41

And you've just helped again addressing extreme anxiety about letting his gorgeous sister out. Xxxxx

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cozietoesie · 03/08/2014 10:06

I'm so sorry for your loss, Square. It sounds as if he had a great and loving home with you - and when his time came, it was probably without his knowing it on a summer's day.

I'm sure you'll be anxious about letting his sister out but then we all are anxious some of the time with cats, especially if they're outside-going. Just enjoy her. (How is she reacting to his absence?)

msrisotto · 03/08/2014 10:09

You poor thing, I'm so sorry. Cats really make themselves a home in our hearts. I have had outdoor and indoor cats before, it doesn't help when people judge either decision as we all only want the best for them. I don't think you could have done anything. If it had spent several years as an indoor cat, I wouldn't suddenly let it out because I would worry that they weren't street savvy plus I would keep outdoor cats in at night but apart from that, there's nothing much you can do.

Squarepegina · 03/08/2014 10:17

She is a bit different Cozie, thank you for your reply. But I can't decide if it's me overthinking it. I was concerned that she wasn't eating much but maybe it was him who ate most of the food. She's okay, still goes out but they used to sleep wrapped up together so I'm cuddling her as much as I can. She is the quieter one whilst he was a noisy demanding character. Both wonderfully affectionate. I had just assumed they would be part of the family for the next twenty years...he was only two.

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MedusaIsHavingaBadHairday · 03/08/2014 10:35

I'm sorry for your loss Squarepegina :(
I lost one of mine to the road a few years ago, and felt so guilty. But I couldn't keep mine in, I see them as independent creatures (no argument with those that do, it just isn't for us) and i'm sure your boy had a loving happy home and that's the best any of us can offer our animals.

I lost my boy till cancer 10 days ago and my remaining cat was very subdued at first..and avoided us, but has now come round with lots of extra attention and is enjoying being (temporarily!) an only one.

Hugs xx

fackinell · 03/08/2014 10:47

So sorry for your loss, Square. You were absolutely right to let them be free range kitties, it's nerve wracking but not much of a life to be stuck indoors. It's always a worry but he had a loving home and a good quality of life for his two (far too short) years.

I was always worried about my old boy being surrounded by three pretty busy London roads, in the end cancer got him at the age of eight. You just never know. I worry about mine too now as although we have a 30mph road 70ft away, we get so many boy racers come along it. I still couldn't bear to not let them feel the wind on their fur.
Thanks To you.

Squarepegina · 03/08/2014 10:51

Thank you both Msrisotto and Medusa. Medusa I smiled quietly at the "temporarily" bit...gosh we put ourselves through it.
A huge thank you to everyone who has taken the time to respond to my post, everyone's words have helped. X

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Squarepegina · 03/08/2014 10:58

Fackinell thank you for your kindness. I so don't want this to be a debate on indoor and outdoor cats. We all love them and treasure them and are in such pain when they come to harm. Both indoor and outdoor cat people.
I know in my head that you are right...he could have died another's just my heart is so cut up. And the guilt thing goes hand in hand with love and loss. Thank you. X

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LEMmingaround · 03/08/2014 11:04

To be horribly frank, I think it is cruel to not let a cat out and be a cat. Your cat had a happy life. Albeit short. Do please, when you are ready get another cat. Your set up sounds perfect. You were just very unlucky :(

fackinell · 03/08/2014 11:54

I so know that gut wrenching pain Sad
Give yourself time to grieve, it's as real as any other bereavement but one day you will be able to think of his cheeky little antics with a smile. X

FelicityFoxton · 03/08/2014 14:26

Oh Gosh , of course cats need to go out! This is the risk with it but they're better off having a roam than miserably sat indoors.

My 11 year old tabby vanished last May - we live very rurally so I can only assume she had an accident as she was so reliable - spent all day in and out all night. Then one day she just wasn't on the doorstep at 7am and we never saw her again.

I was really sad but I wouldn't have done anything differently

I hope you feel more at peace soon

chockbic · 03/08/2014 14:30

We always blame ourselves even when its our choice as in putting them to sleep.

Should I have done this or that. Its natural but no less painful.

He sounds like he had a nice life with you.

Take care.

Squarepegina · 03/08/2014 22:58

Thank you to everyone who posted today. Your understanding and kindness have helped. What lovely cat people you are.

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fackinell · 03/08/2014 22:59
timtam23 · 03/08/2014 23:55

So sorry to hear about your lovely cat. Thanks

My cat also loves being outside & I do worry about the roads but it is a risk I take because he would hate to be inside all the time. I don't think there is any way of making a cat more risk aware, apart from allowing it outside so it can get used to roads and cars - which you did do. I'm sure he had the most wonderful happy life with you. Lots of strokes for your other cat.

fackinell · 04/08/2014 00:06

Random, but I did see a cat whisperer/psychic on a TV programme and apparently you can communicate with them in mental pictures to give them information. I try this with my boys and absolutely no idea if it works but it makes me feel better. It's worth a try as I'm very protective batshit crazy about my lads. Grin

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