Cat people/ cat rescuing people, how do I overcome this?

[IShouldBeUsedToThisByNow]

I've owned cats for many years and I've been a rescuer for some considerable time now. I know the highs and lows all too well. The last but one cat who came here as a rescue was very, very ill due to abuse and I took her in knowing I was likely to lose her. Six months on I did, there was no other option but suffering and death anyway. Ir was a decision made with the backing of my fantastic vet. It hurt like noones business but I had the comfort of knowing that she had a few months of love and a chance.

My next two rescues were farm/feral kittens, about 8 weeks old. The chances of losing them to disease was very high and sure enough one had to be put to sleep after a week when he went down overnight with liver failure. I held him as he slipped away. I know I did all I could, his tests were expensive and I was willing to pay hundreds for further ones but the initial bloods came back as over four hundred when they should have been under ten. There was no hope, no chance, I had to do the right thing and I cried buckets but I'm at peace with that decision. I trust my vet implicitly. The other kitten was meant to be rescued for rehoming but after all he and my previous rescue had been through I decided that he'd join my existing tribe of four. I adored him. My other cats are all family cats, he was MINE. He was perfect. He sat beside me each evening, he jumped on my back as I leaned over the laptop, he sought ME out, not the family. It had been a long time since I'd had a kitten of my own and longer still a cat like him. There's always one who touches your heart more than any other. Isn't there?

He was with us for just five months and he was killed on the road. The driver didn't even stop. A 3am dog walker found him, moved him to the grassland, and left a note. I later found that someone else had witnessed it but my boy's death was instant, there was nothing he could do and he, a youngster, couldn't bring himself to pick my boy up (I don't blame him, I understand and have since sought him out and thanked him for telling my family what happened, I know if he could have helped he would have).

Despite my several years of seeing and knowing abuse, neglect and losing animals this one has got to me more than I can describe and I just can't get past it.

We live in the country, a quiet rural village with no problems. The road is a no through one, drivers go at 5mph down it. the top of it, near my house, is on a bend. Everyone slows at that bend, they have to or they'll go off the road. There are FIVE street lights within 20 yards max of where he was killed. You can see clearly even in winter. There are loads of cats around here, I've lived here years and all have been safe until now,

It turns out that the driver is believed to have been at the local social club late that night and might have been drinking.

I still rescue. I still have my wonderful other 4 cats and my other pets. But I still can't get past losing this one. I've rescued aand rehomed other animals since but although I've been asked to rescue other cats I can't deal with it. I've got the option to keep as my own a cat or kitten which needs rescue but I can't face that either. It's not that I think that I'll lose another to a selfish driver, I honestly believe that this was a freak and almost unable to be predicted incident, this area is usually as about as safe as it comes for cats.

I suppose my upset is that I don't know WHY I'm so loathe to venture into cat rescuing again when I know so well how much it's needed. Over two months on and I'm still calling the other cats by my kitten's name, still turning and looking for him and occasionally still putting out 5 bowls of food. I find myself coming down into the kitchen in the morning, feeding the 4 I've got and bursting into tears.

I KNOW about 'rescue burn out'. I've taken a break from rescuing in the past because I've felt it's consumed my life at the expense of my family and well being, emotional and financial, in the past. I'm not a novice rescuer or a young woman, I've been involved in the really sharp, painful end of independent (ie non big, RSPCA type) rescue for years.

I KNOW that my reaction is irrational. I know that I'm not having a breakdown or (quite!) becoming a mad cat woman, I function perfectly well with family life and work.

I KNOW that this is nothing compared to those who have lost a child, PLEASE, PLEASE don't come on here to berate me for that, I don't want to start a bunfight and I really, really know that there are others with far more serious sadness in their lives.

But. But, ah shit, this hurts. Have the rescuey types (or any cat owners) got any advice on how to get past this? I feel that I do a good thing in helping save lives. I do it the right way, neutering, homechecking, vaccinating, educating, advising, following up adoptions, assessing, a great relationship with my vet, and I know that there are cats out there who need that help yet I can't bring myself to offer it.

It takes the right cat. I thought I was beyond it for a variety of reasons.
Then I meet the tail less wonder she touched something in me and opened me up to rescue again.

Op I'm not a rescuer but I am a cat lover. I just wanted to say you sound like a fantastic woman and you should be proud of yourself for all the furry ones you have helped.

I'm sorry you are hurting right now, but you shouldn't beat yourself up about it. You need to let yourself grieve and take some time before you put pressure on yourself to continue rescuing. It's ok to feel how you are feelimg. Sometimes trying to force yourself to stop feeling a certain way just makes it ten times worse.

I'm so sorry about your boy.

Thank you very much indeed both. :) Koo, thank you loads but I'm no big deal, really I'm not, I'm a very small time rescuer in a big pond of far more busy ones, I promise you. That's perhaps part of it, that others have dealt with far worse and still carry on and I know I'm being silly.

I guess that time is a great healer. Normally I''ve been able to say, to quote another rescuer, "Don't look back but think of all those you HAVE saved and will in the future". This time I seem to be stuck in a mad rut where I just can't seem to look beyond my lovely little black and white boy,

But Lonecat, you're right aren't you? It takes time to find the RIGHT cat or kitten to make a person feel that they can start again.

It's daft. I suppose if that right cat or kitten had come my way immediately I'd have "moved on". Perhaps I just need to bite the bullet.

(That's not to dismiss or invalidate your kind advice, Koo, that's to give myself a kick up the backside!).

OP you're a lovely and amazing person - just think how happy your kitties were when they were with you. I am so sorry for your loss, but you gave them all wonderful lives, especially black and white boy.

Take six months out and refuse to think of another rescue at all during that time. Then see how you feel.

Your future friend is out there for you, just give it time for the grief to work through and stop forcing yourself.

IShold don't rush on the dog front it took 6 years to get back in. Cats it was also 6 years and I had a kitten in that time who wasn't a rescue. Then quite literally the right cat walked in through my door.

Sometimes one just 'gets to you' right enough - but I think that, maybe, you're hurting so badly partly because of the cumulative effect of all of their troubles on you?

It just takes time (as you know) and one day, as Lone said, the right cat or kitten will walk through your door.

If I had any advice, I'd say to carry on with the rescuing if you feel a need to do something but do it with cool practicality rather than emotion. With your experience, that's still a lot more than many of them will need and it will salve something inside you as well.

You sound wonderful and I really can't see why anyone on this board would wish to 'berate' you.

I'm so sorry about your boy.

I am lucky enough to have come across my very special cat a few months ago, we had been feeding him as a stray for eighteen months and had him neutered. We believed he was feral and it wasn't until he had a recurring abscess that we took him in, when we found out he was the most affectionate loving cat we've ever had. I currently have six cats that were all rescues, although I'm just an ordinary cat owner and not involved with any specific charity, so I've done very little in the scheme of things.

I have lost two feral kittens and a stray elderly cat with kidney failure over the past couple of years, it does take its toll and I can only imagine how awful losing a special cat must be and I am sure that in some respects it must be a form of self preservation to withdraw from being too involved with any more for a time.

I am sure that the right cat will find you, and there can be no better compliment to the memory of your black and white boy than to help those who given the opportunity could prove just as special, you'll know when the time is right. Bless you for the help you have given those needy souls x

Speaking as someone similar to your background (years of rescue, now does one at a time on a small scale). I too lost my darling boy cat unexpectedly and have some idea of what you feel.

Take some time out. Allow yourself to grieve. One day the right cat will come along and it will be a natural thing to help. Don't go "looking", it sounds flaky, but they'll find you and it will be a natural thing to help.~

I'm sorry for the loss of your boy.

OP. I think you just have to give yourself time. I'm not a rescuer, but I had to have my special cat put to sleep two years ago. I'd had him since birth and hand reared him (took in his mother as a student) and he was just amazing, lots of other people loved him too.
Six months later (and unthinkable at the time) I found another little black and white hand reared boy needing a home, he's a very different personality but is amazing too and much more my cat than my other two (who I love very much but just aren't so close to me).

OP I'm so sorry this has happened to you.

You're greiving and sometimes grief doesn't make any sense and causes you to act differenty or in a way that doesn't totally make sense.

Do you have cat people in RL you can talk to?

Give yourself time; your boy will be in cat heaven having a great time.

Give it time, OP. I'm not deep in the rescuing trenches like you, but I do have 2.5 pampered former rescue cats (I say 2.5 rather than 3 because Cat #3 is just a foster, and is up for adoption now that we've socialized her). That's a lot of grief to accumulate with the various losses you've had, so you need to give yourself time to grieve. Set yourself a time limit, say you won't do any more rescuing for 6 months at least, and at the end of those 6 months, re-evaulate. You may feel much, much better by then. Time is a great healer.

And I'm sorry for your losses.