Don't know what to do... Kitten+ds(3)

[MySpideySenseTickles]

We got our 8 week old kitten dave on Sunday, he's beautiful and playful and sweet and gorgeous, as is ds who turned 3 on Saturday.
Ds and dave have been playing together since he came, dave loves ds and ds loves dave, ds has been a bit rough with him a couple of times but said sorry to him, it was just trying to pick him up for a cuddle when he didn't want him to and once he pulled his fur, but he'd just seen Dh stroking dave by massaging him and ds was trying to copy.
This morning dave managed to sneak into my bedroom in the attic, where ds and I were having lie ins and cuddles, I don't like dave coming in the attic as I'm scared he'll fall.
Right in the middle of the room is the staircase, there's bannister round with the lowest bar about 6-8 inches from the floor but straight after the bannister is a sheer drop to the bottom of the stairs.
Dave had sat in ds clean potty for a snooze, ds took offence and before I could stop him had jumped off the bed grabbed the kitten and threw him over the bannister I'm guessing to about just over half way down the stairs, I sat ds on the bed and told him not to move because I was scared what I'd find and didn't want him to see, I dashed down the stairs to fid a slightly surprised looking kitten sat at the bottom, I've felt him all over and he doesn't seem hurt, he's just been in his tray for an enormous poo and he's eaten some breakfast.
Ds has had his favourite toy confiscated but I'm not sure what to do, I I tell Dh he will immediately say we need to rehome the kitten but I don't think it was done maliciously, when there's washing in the attic to go down for a wash we throw it over the bannister and collect it from the bottom, I'm wondering if ds reasoning was attached to that, ds knows if he's nasty to dave again then dave will be going to live somewhere else.
Before this incident they were the best of friends and dave was ds shadow, whatever ds was playing with dave had to see, now dave is a bit wary of him and although he's been to him to play he's quicker to back off.

Dave won't be going into the attic again,
What do I do now, do I keep them fully apart? Do I rehome dave or do I keep going as we have done and put it down to an accident and just keep them away from the stairs?
Do I tell Dh?

My ds has only been three for a few days, I admit he seems a little immature for his age and has a verbal delay which doesn't help but he doesn't have SN and he definately isn't a psychopath.
I've stayed away from this thread because of some of te replies.

Best friends after 4 days? I would rehome the poor cat for its own sake

if ds gets too close and too in his face dave gives him a whack with his paw, ds is going through rather a lot of dettol, a few scratches here and there and seems to be learning to respect him

But this is your job not the kittens

Your obviously not supervising them enough still if the poor thing is having to lash out before he leaves it alone.

What on earth are nursery going to say when he turns up covered in scratches?

Your allowing them both to build up fear of eachother

It's not that we are against you at all, we are just worried about the situation escalating.

It's not easy watching a 3yo and a kitten simultaneously, they will both have moments of trying to kill themselves in new and innovative ways.

Young kittens and young children are not a good match for all the reasons others have given. A laid back middle-aged adult cat might be better.

At any rate, interactions between a 3 yo and an animal should be closely supervised, for both their sakes. And a three year old should never be picking up a kitten, under any circumstances.

Don't you want them to love each other rather than fear each other? You need to be supervising more closely so that they can build a proper pet-person relationship, not leaving them to fight it out. You need to teach your child how to behave with the kitten, not hope for the best. I still think you should rehome the kitten because you are not protecting it well enough. How do you discipline your son when he annoys the kitten so much that it lashes out? Are you sure he is not going to retaliate again?

I've been in your position. I saved and saved for a puppy and we choose a little Lhasa apso. Gorgeous little ball of fluff.

Got him about 8-9 weeks old and my son was just turned 3.

Little puppy we had been waiting 2 mths for got rehomed 2 weeks later

My son was too rough and the puppy was so excitable and teething that it ended up being too dangerous for the puppy.

He was too little for me to give my 'son time to get used to him and learn' I couldn't take the risk. Puppies and kittens are too fragile for rough toddlers and I couldn't live with myself if something had happened purely.

I seen my son trip over him in the garden one day and he rolled about 4 times. My heart was in my mouth thinking the puppy broke a rib or something!

I still regret rehoming him to this day but in hindsight it was the best thing for the puppy

Dear me.
This is my worst nightmare - we have a 11 week old kitten and a just turned 3 DD.

She has been a bit heavy handed, and tried to hold him by the tail but nothing too horrendous.

When she held him by the tail it was the first time i had ever raised my voice to her. I was so angry she could have hurt him.

There have been no incidents since, I think she understands how important it is to be kind to him.

Why have you stayed away? Your son deliberately threw the kitten over the stairs whether he was copying is neither here nor there.

You need a very very strong talk with your DS, keep a very close eye on him and the kitten together. if you can't do both of those things then rehome the kitten.

all your son needs to know is to treat the kitten with kindness and it's not a toy.

You also need to speak to your son - eg when the cat/kitten scratches it's because kitten does not want to play, be held etc.

at 3 he should be old enough to be able to reason that.

For what it's worth I remember taunting my cat when I was 4 or 5, he scratched me and I got the telling off of my life. But I'd had kitten since I was a baby (or I was a baby when it was a young cat) so we were always kept a close eye on.

To be honest, I don't think kittens are right for families with very young children. We had a kitten fall in our laps last year, I agreed to taking it in as a rescue because I thought our DC, who were used to adult cats would be fine.

Because they are so small and mobile the dynamic of child and kitten is so different to child and adult cat. Even my then 4yo had to be watched like an absolute hawk because she could not resist the urge to pick him up, follow him around etc. The toddler was a nightmare.

Unfortunately that kitten passed away due to completely unrelated issues, but I would honestly say rehome the kitten now, it's no judgement on your child, but if he accidentally (or impulsively) hurts the kitten you will all feel terrible.

Slightly off topic but please please be careful with Dettol if using it around cats/kittens as it is poisonous to them (along with lots of other household cleaners)

If the kitten is getting to the stage of whacking DS with his paw, I think either DS or the kitten should have been removed from that situation before reaching the point of whacking. The kitten could end up not knowing if DS is going to pet him or get in his face - you don't want him to grow up wary of you all & lashing out because he expects an unpredictable reaction & feels he has to defend himself.

We never had an "over the banisters" incident but as I said up thread, my younger DS was not encouraged to pick up, stroke or play with our kitten when it was very young (we took it in aged 7 weeks) because we knew there was no way he could be gentle 100% of the time. He is great now with the cat but it is a lot older now, just turned 1 & very much more robust, and DS2 is 4 & has had cats around him since he was born.