PMy cat is terrified of men!

[CatteLady]

I'm looking for some help with my cat - he's an exstray from a rescue, aged about 8. I've had him for just over a year.

He came to live with me around the sane time as my husband moved in, and initially they were fine with each other - he's not a lap cat, but he'd perch on the arm of the sofa and they'd watch TV together. Cat was still nervous of any visitors, especially men, and hid under my bed. He'd normally shove his cat face round the door provided no men were there.

Around Christmas, he suddenly became terrified of my husband too. No obvious trigger.

We've since moved house, and lovely Cat has started going out a bit. When he's not out, and husband is in, he hides under the bookcase - if it's just me, he's out, annoying me and lying on my stomach, playing and doing normal lovy cat things. I've tried Feliway, I've got some Zylkene on order...is there anything else?

Husband is reluctant to enter cat's lair due to him hissing and growling, but surely he should be feeding him to try to build a bond?

I'm 9 weeks pregnant, and keen to get my darling cat settled before the baby arrives thus freaking him out even more.

Thanks in advance for any suggestions you can offer!

Oooh, interesting! I think ScaredCat likes butter, I'll give that a go.

Don't give him butter that's a ridiculous old wive's tale. Cats are lactose intolerant.

The Christmas of which you speak, was it your cat who stayed elsewhere or your dh? How does your DH feel about cats/animals/others in general? I am puzzled as to why your cat liked your dh up until then. I have to agree with cozie, ime, cats don't 'just decide' they don't like a person for no reason.

Ooh, also noticed that you said your cat likes to hide under things. A nervous cat will be more confident and happy if he has a high up place all of his own. Placing some shelves for him to escape to will help his self esteem no end.

I think your dh is the problem. The cats an animal of instinct but a human is capable of change & understanding.

I'd be telling him to grow the fuck up because he has a baby coming who will be mommy-centric for a long time & he needs to deal with that too.

If you're not part of the solution you're part of the problem, at the moment he's part of the problem.

The house move won't have helped either. I've used zylkene on ours and it makes him very chilled, it also affects his tummy but that could be coincidence.

I agree, Fluffy. He's not helping.

ScaredCat has had his first Zylkene today, so am waiting for him to break out his glow sticks and start raving. Also looking at a tree for him on Amazon.

Good luck.

Another one who thinks your DH is the problem.

We adopted a cat in October who was terrified of men. The first few weeks she'd hide all day (while DH was home alone) and come out as soon as I returned from work.

We made sure he was the one to feed her and he spent hours sitting in the same room as her talking to her.
Because sudden movements (by anyone) scared her he made sure that he was really calm and gentle around her.

She loves him now.
Last night she was sitting on the stairs grabbing his fingers through the banisters and if he calls her name she flies to him.
She'll even deign to sit on his knee and last night she curled up on his pillow in bed with him.

I can guarantee if he'd acted like your DH she still wouldn't go near him.

ScaredCat update - husband is now in charge of feeding him and Dreamies, with an order to talk nicely for a minute to ScaredCat.

I think it's slightly working - he was out briefly looking for food and fuss while husband was in, but it's early days.

Thanks everyone for your help!

Sounds promising - and it could even result in a virtuous cycle eg the more SC comes out for fuss, the more your husband likes him, the better he is with him, the even more SC then comes out.............and so on. Fingers crossed.

(And the odd comment from you (if merited) on how much better SC seems to like him now will be noticed and won't go amiss.)

Well done.

That's excellent news!

Could be the beginning of a beautiful new friendship

I really hope so. He's moaning about the odd hiss, but SC is relaxing a bit.

Oh my cat hisses at me when I break up fights and bring him in. It's nothing to get your panties in a wad over.

Unless your a vet.

Why has your DH vetoed Da Bird? How odd! They are fab for cats.