Heartbroken

[daisywaisydoo]

I've lost both my beautiful cats within the last 3 months, we'd had them a year they were so young, too young to go :(

I'm so heartbroken it's untrue, I feel ridiculous, my fiancé is sad but he's not bawling his eyes out. When will it stop hurting my heart that they're gone?

I keep looking at photos and videos on my laptop and it's absolutely killing me :(

I keep telling myself they're only cats etc. but god im upset.

[daisywaisydoo]

I'm only posting this now because I've just watched videos and it's all hit me again that they just aren't here anymore. Ouch.

[cozietoesie]

They're never 'only cats'.

It does take a while for the rawness to pass but it mostly will. There will come a day when you can look at the videos and smile a bit at their antics.

So sorry you lost them both in such a short time - and young also.

[ZebraOwl]

I'm so sorry - and as cozie said, they weren't only cats - you loved them, had a bond with them, cared for them & they died young. It's not surprising you are grief-stricken & there's nothing "wrong" with it: everyone experiences & processes death-loss-grief differently.

It sounds a little bit as though at the moment poring over photos & videos of the cats is only causing you further distress rather than being comforting, so maybe you need to take a break from that for a while, whilst you are working through some of your feelings.

I'd suggest you try writing &/or drawing about your feelings to help you begin to process them. Crying can be cathartic but trying to disentangle the various threads of the grief is an important step in learning how to deal with those feelings.

If you are feeling any kind of guilt, try to let go of it. It will only hurt you & compound the grief.

Don't try to bottle things up. Write/draw/talk/come here. It is ok not to be ok & acknowledging that you're not fine is important.

Think about creating some kind of memorial for the cats & when you reach the point looking at pictures is more comforting than it is distressing consider making a memory box or book for each of the cats (maybe one of the photobooks you can have printed?) so you can have them as prompts for happy memories & resources for helping you deal with how you feel.

Be gentle with yourself - you've suffered two losses & are hurting & perfectly entitled to do/be so, for all that of course it would be nicer for you not to be!

Really hope this makes some kind of sense & something I've said helps &/or comforts you even just a tiny little bit.

[TheNunsOfGavarone]

Daisywaisydoo, that's terribly sad and shocking to have lost them both so young. Of course you are grieving because they were not "only" cats; they were family and you have suffered two bereavements.

Within the last four months I have lost my two darling oldies. They both had advanced kidney disease and had to be put to sleep. The pain was as bad as anything I have felt when human members of my family have died and there was guilt too. I had wanted to get the vet to come to my house in both cases but unfortunately that was not possible when the point of no return came for both of them. I felt terrible at not being able to spare them the trip to the vet in the basket and the dogs in the waiting room.

I feel rather better now and sometimes I am able to remember them with a smile, for instance at the way my naughty old boy used to wake me by sticking his claws up my nose, but however funny or lovely memories are you can't cuddle them. It hit me badly again last night, how much I miss them and the impossibility of being able to snuggle up with them again.

Most people have been very sympathetic but I've had one or two dismissive comments. People who haven't lived with pets sometimes just don't get it and don't appreciate the bond we have with them. As a good friend pointed out when my old boy was put to sleep in July, it's a very special bond and unlike most of our relationships with people, a very uncomplicated one.

In the early days I made two calls to the pet bereavement line, who were very helpful and supportive, and who I thoroughly recommend. You can call them as many times as you feel you need to.
www.bluecross.org.uk/2083/pet-bereavement-support-service.html

Take care and go easy on yourself.