Adopting an mature cat into a household of three mature cats....help!

[Listmaker]

Hi

Some background (will try and be brief!). My youngest dsd is off to uni in a couple of weeks, the older ones are also all studying away from our home town. Their Mum and step-dad announced last night that they are not prepared to look after their cat anymore. Dsd adores this cat and is distraught and has asked if we can take her in at least for a few years.

Problem is she is about 7 years old and we already have three male cats aged 5/6. Two of them are her sons (another tale of us baling them out after letting the female cat have kittens with no plan of housing the said kittens) but after 5 years apart that isn't going to make any difference.

We have tentatively said we would give it a try but I am very concerned about all of them accepting this. One of our cats would probably be OK, one would be very aggressive and freaked out I think and the other is a huge cat but so timid and gentle that I fear he will get really stressed out. He already pees where he shouldn't because he won't use a tray the other one uses (and every time we bring in a new one for him the other one uses it!) and will just pee and poo everywhere I would think.

We were thinking of putting Meg (new female) into one room for a while and letting her out to smell the boys territory while they are contained elsewhere. Then letting them smell her on our hands and then let them in her room when she's not there.

Any other suggestions? Can this possibly work? Or should we just explore other options of getting her adopted elsewhere which would mean dsd never sees her again?

Sigh........

That strategy is in line with the general advice. The new cat establishes a territory of her own and after a week or so you let them see each other, eventually sniff noses some days later if not determined on violence, slowly expand the new cat territory out until they find their own way to share. They would hopefully come to tolerate each other 95% of the time.

You don't know if it will work if you don't try. They may surprise you.

Thanks lljkk. Yes think we have little option other than to give it a go for the sake of dsd although the thought of owning four cats and the costs of that are somewhat daunting - plus she's long-haired which will add even more to the layer of cat hair all over the house already!

None of mine are aggressive cats. George wasn't happy when Meg's two sons joined us when he was about a year old but it settled down eventually and he loves them now.

Fingers crossed....

Yes that sounds like a good strategy. Perhaps also plug in some Feliway around the place to diffuse tension.

I'm fairly sure there will be a few skirmishes at first but things normally settle down in a few weeks. As long as you just stick with it, and give her somewhere to retreat to, it should all be OK eventually.

I'm shocked that the original owners refuse to look after the cat while their son is away. That's appalling.

I'd give it a try Listmaker. There will likely be a little argy bargy at first but I think your approach is right. In any case, it's a female cat coming to an all male cat household so that's helpful - and as the others are used to sharing, I think it might actually work.

(Apart from you having to invest in another hoover!)

Best of luck and let us know how it goes.

Thanks for the replies. I've now found out from step-daughter no 1 that the cat doesn't like other cats - they originally had her brother too but he disappeared years ago. She didn't like him. Then she had kittens and didn't like them much and they kept one for while and she didn't like him at all but he got run over. So then she was on her own and flourished. So not at all sure coming to us would suit her at all. Our three would be fine in time - as you say they are used to sharing and other cats and love each other.

Am hoping the ex and partner will change their minds. My step-daughters were worried about them not paying her any attention and maybe forgetting her water or food but they've never said they don't want her before. Maybe it was just a bad day? Hope so!

Maybe we should claim maintenance payments for the cat? Mind you she never paid for her girls even when they lived with us full-time and she earns 10 times what my dh does! So not holding my breath there

....My step-daughters were worried about them not paying her any attention and maybe forgetting her water or food....

It can happen and I wouldn't be happy about leaving her with the mother and step dad. Once it gets to the point of articulating dissatisfaction, you have no idea what can go on behind the scenes.

Personally, I'd take her in and discuss with dsd about maybe rehoming her at more leisure in the medium to longer term. At 7, she's in the prime of life.

Yes Cozie it is a worry and I would rather give it a try than leave her to be neglected. The dsds are now away all week with their Mum and then only a week before she goes to uni to get something sorted out.....if they had said this at the start of the holidays we could have had more time to integrate her with dsd having her in her room and keeping her company etc.......sigh......

I think she'll be fine. We have two girls and a boy. Our middle girl loathed other cats but lives quite happily as part of a trio now.

I think the main thing is don't try to force it and leave them to get on with things at their own pace. When you come to introduce them after a couple of weeks, don't panic if there's hissing, spitting, growling and the odd slap. As long as it doesn't descend into a really vicious fight you don't need to intervene as nine times out of ten they'll sort themselves out.

Another good tip is feeding them chicken or cheese either side of a door while they're still separated, as then they'll associate each other's smell with something nice. You can also feed treats side by side as introductions progress. Good luck! I'm sure it'll be fine.

I know it. I'd take her in.

Thanks again for all the advice. Still hoping another solution will present itself really but imagine it won't. Will try all you've said and hope she settles in.

I am actually pretty much bed bound with a broken heel bone at the moment so will have to entrust a lot of this to my family! At the moment I have one cat on the foot of the bed and the other two all cuddled up together on a chair beside me. Just hope she can get used to them and be as lovely as they are toghether (and be happy).

Will come back and let you know how it goes.

Best of luck - including with the injured heel.