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The litter tray

Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

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Original poster

Got to take my old girl to be put to sleep later...sad.

14 replies

missmakesstuff · 12/08/2013 14:15

It's our wedding anniversary today too...got back from hols on Thursday to find she hadn't been eating much, or grooming, over the weekend then found her yesterday sitting in the garden with her tongue hanging out and drooling - big lump under her chin. Vets today, although I was expecting an abscess or something, the vet had a feel and said bone tumour, in her jaw, massive and stopping her eating, nothing to be done. She offered anesthetic and xray to confirm but it wouldn't change anything and I just feel like I can't put her through that, she hasn't eaten properly in a week, she has steadily been losing weight but we assumed it was just age, she is 13. I feel so awful that we didn't notice this earlier, have just let her sit in the garden this afternoon and given her a good brush, she is purring and hopefully not in pain as the vet gave her a painkiller, but just feel so bad about making the decision, I would rather not let her linger and potentially get worse though, or be starving (she is hungry, been trying to eat but can't) rather would prefer her to go quickly when she is relatively ok, I feel so guilty though that we didn't see it before and she has been in pain..

Poor DH doesn't know what to say, she is our cat, we got her when we moved in together, and although she is possibly the stupidest cat in the world ever and has the common sense of a flea, she was very affectionate and is part of the family now, we have had her just over 10 years, he was going to cook me a lovely meal tonight for our anniversary and now I am miserable.

OP posts:

LunaticFringe · 12/08/2013 14:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MexicanHat · 12/08/2013 14:52

So sorry, I am welling up just reading your post. Please don't feel guilty that you didn't see it before, don't dwell on it, you are doing the kindest thing. Sending a (hug) x

Original poster

missmakesstuff · 12/08/2013 15:00

Thanks. Just sat with her in the garden, she had a bit of cat milk, she is trying to groom herself but can't, although through it all is purring and rolling around in the sun, I know it is for the best, but when she looks so ok I keep wondering if they have it wrong, I know they don't though, it is inevitable as she would just get weaker.

OP posts:

cozietoesie · 12/08/2013 15:25

It's best, miss. She'll go out in love, without pain and at the end of a great and sunny day.

Thinking of you.

Original poster

missmakesstuff · 12/08/2013 18:57

Just back, was so sad, dd is 3 and kept asking where's puss, told her.she's gone to sleep at the vets as she was.sick. vet was good, he said it was probably very aggressive and could have developed over a few weeks, wasn't there long. She was still purring at the end, bless her, she was so timid and scared of her own shadow, but as soon as we got to the vets she would purr, she was owned by a vet before us and always seemed to remember.
Dh was good and put all her bowls and stuff in the loft so I don't have to see them. He's coking me a nice dinner and we have anniversary presents for each other so hopefully will take our minds off it, poor old saggy cloth catpuss, she really was as was so skinny by this morning.
It's silly, I know it was for the best, but feel so guilty.

OP posts:

GetStuffezd · 12/08/2013 19:06

I always well up at posts like these, but it's so good for these kitties that they get to have a lovely life, and don't have to suffer in pain towards the end. I hope you feel better tomorrow, you absolutely did the best.

VenusRising · 13/08/2013 12:06

Oh I'm so sorry, thinking of you all.

Make sure to tell your DS that she passed away, and is not asleep still.
I know children who were terrified of falling asleep after a death, as they'd been told "she's gone to sleep", rather than passed away. Sorry to be preachy, but I wouldn't want you to be up at night with an upset child ontop of everything else.

Have you thought of planting a tree in the garden where she used to sit?

VenusRising · 13/08/2013 12:07

Sorry, your DD.

Original poster

missmakesstuff · 13/08/2013 13:29

Thanks, that's a nice idea, we don't have any earth in the garden, just astroturf and pots, but will think of something. Very difficult with dd as she is too little to understand I think, we told her he cat was ill so had to go and stay at the vets as we couldn't look after her, she seems happy with that. I'm a bit better today, still just keep expecting to hear her though, she meowed nearly constantly, liked a chat!

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Secretswitch · 13/08/2013 13:34

How wonderful to love and be loved by your sweet kitty girl! I am sending you and your family love and hugs. Xx

SisterMatic · 13/08/2013 13:35

Im so sorry to hear your sad news. Losing a much loved pet is hard. We experienced a pet loss last week and its an awful feeling. Thinking of you, you did the best thing. She sounds like she was a very lucky cat to have owners as kind and caring as yourselves.

ToffeeWhirl · 13/08/2013 13:49

I'm so sorry about your cat. You know guilt is part of grief, don't you? It's natural for you to feel like that, but you clearly have absolutely nothing to feel guilty over. She was a very loved cat and you looked after her right to the end. She was a lucky girl.

If you are planning to get another cat, 'Goodbye Mog' might be worth reading to your DD (although it will probably be impossible to read without tears). In the end, Mog makes way for a new kitten, though, so probably not ideal to read if you are not getting another. Kerr does refer to Mog sleeping forever, though, so I would, personally, change those words when reading the book out loud.

Original poster

missmakesstuff · 13/08/2013 18:19

Thanks Toffee for the suggestion, I nearly cried reading the description! I might get that for DD, although she hasn't asked since about puss as she was very timid and mostly just ran away from her, she wasn't great around strangers or children, in fact most people didn't know we had a cat as visitors never saw her, she was very affectionate to us but would hide from everyone else.

Thanks sister and secrets I hope she did have a nice life, she was not the easiest of pets due to the timidness, we never did find out why she was like that but I think she was happy mostly.

I would love another cat eventually, but DH lost his job a few months ago, until we know what is happening with him getting a new one we can't really commit to more costs, neutering, vaccination etc. I think this is the first time in 36 years I have not had a pet though, so it is a very odd feeling! Usually have a menagerie of some kind, we have had rabbits, rats, cats and fish, have nothing now.

It's been a pretty shitty year so far, my Nan died in March and I had a MC in May, now this and DH's job, something nice like a new kitten might be what we need, I will have a think over the next few weeks as I am off on school hols. I feel vaguely guilty just thinking about it though! But I know that is all normal, will feel better soon.

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ToffeeWhirl · 13/08/2013 20:05

Oh, I'm so sorry about your shitty year, missmakes. Especially sorry to hear about your MC . We have had runs of awfulness like that too and it is hard to get over it. A kitten will bring joy to all of you, but I think you need time to get over the loss of your cat first. Perhaps you can use the next few weeks to plan where and how to get your next kitten...

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