Pleeeeese - why does she hate me?! (Long - sorry)

[fluffyraggies]

I have 2 pedigree Ragdolls, brother and sister. I chose them from a litter at 8 weeks old and bought them home at 13 weeks. They are gorgeous and i love them.

They are both 'done'. They are fed a good diet. They are brushed, and healthy.

They both have the run of a large house and nice garden (with cat fencing so they can't get out). They both get heaps of love and affection. I have 3 teen DDs who cuddle them almost 24/7.

They are both wary of strangers.

The male is a big daft softie - typical of a good example of the breed. He loves all 5 of us in the house. He will sit and 'smile' at me till i stroke him. He lays his head on my shoulder when i cuddle him. He will come to me and tell me when he is peckish as he knows i am chief cook and bottle washer. ie i do all the feeding and litter tray cleaning

Now to my point. The female hates me! She 'cringes' past me if we pass in the house looking at me as if i regulaly boot her all up and down the place! She pushes away when i hold her. If she senses i'm going to pick her up she runs away. The only time she shows the slightest affection is when she is snoozing on the bed during the day (always on my side!) and if i walk past and run my hand over her she will 'smile' and sometimes even roll over for more. But this is rare.

She's not the most loving pet with the rest of the family either tbh, but at least she doesn't behave with them as if they've tried to strangle her every day for the last 2 years.

Sometimes i can laugh about it, but sometimes i find it hurtful. Silly i know. Before these cats i had 2 others from kitten-hood to 17 and 19 years old. They both loved me. What am i doing wrong with this little lady?

:(

My girl is much the same. she is much more affectionate now at nine. Until she was 5 she was exactly as you describe. Then we put them into a cattery for a week when we got married and it really brought her out more. It is still veryuch more on her terms byt she asks more now.

Oh and my mothers female cat is eleven and is only in the past two years she has allo wed me to pay her attention. Most female cats I have known and currently know are very similar. You aren't doing anything wrong. It's just her

It's a girl cat thing. My Nan had a female cat who lay in wait in the bushes to attack the paper boys, just because she could. My mum's would only allow herself to be stroked when it was convienent for her (usually at the most inconvenient time for us) and would attack if you stroked her without invitation or did not stroke her when she demanded it.

Once she gets old and senile, she will become fussier, if she follows in the footsteps of our girl cats, anyway.

Thank you secret :) i didn't think i'd get an answer.

So i only have 7 years to wait then

Interesting about the cattery - sounds like a good excuse for a holiday this year after all. But seriously perhaps it is a matter of time then. I hope so.

Doin - laughed at that. It's funny, she occasionally goes to sit by DH, who really isn't that bothered. Typical. Yes, it really is all on her terms.

What SecretNutellaFix said. I breed Siamese and Occasionally you get one who is like this, it is nothing you've done. Just keep enjoying those moments and ignore her when she is being stand-offish. Do you brush her? Some cats love this. You could also try soaking a special cloth in Feliway spray and keeping it around you and incorporate it in your stroking sessions. Also little hand-fed titbits now and then? The cowering away may purely be that she is more secure in the bedroom, and Feliway could help with this too. You sound like a lovely catmum!

Thank you Incaminka :) - actually my DDs do the brushing. (got a 'Ferminator'. Wow that thing gets the under hair out!) Once again male seems to love it, female - hmmm about it.

I will look into Feliway spray. Thank you. Honestly, to cause her less angst i have stopped forcing myself on her these days. I felt awful making her sit on my lap when she clearly yearned to be just about anywhere else. Perhaps i should resume the grooming of her myself then.

Get a soft brush as well as the furminator, just for the sensation...

Ooh i have one at the back of the pet cupboard. Ages old and nice and soft. I'll begin tonight! I'll sit with her after dinner later and brush her with that. Nice idea.

One of my cats is the same. I midwived her birth and had to cut the cord as her mother was struggling.... So I'm not exaggerating when I say she's been handled from birth.

Yet she still behaves as if we regularly beat her!

Family enough shes more tolerant of the children, she sleeps in dds bed every night.

Don't take it personally. Just give her space and don't initiate contact. She probably just doesn't enjoy being handled and is constantly nervous of being picked up. The more we ignore our girl the more 'normally' she behaves.

It's a girl cat thing.

I had a male cat for this reason, he's a love sponge, unless DH touches him and he ducks like he too is abused.

If you ignore her she will probably be piqued and decide you are her FAVOURITE person ever and why are you abusing her with this lack of affection? you know how contrary they are.

Thank you all for this. It's made me feel allot better. I was starting to take it to heart a bit

Interesting that it seems more common in females. I grew up with dogs (not literally, but YKWIM) and it's the other way round with them usually.

She's looking at me now. From the top of the cat tree. With cold eyes. lol.

I found that just talking to girlie in a non threatening way made her less nervous. It's as though she could work out better how close I was coming to her. Might sound odd at first, but you get used to it.

At the moment, she is sitting next to my right arm, making it quite hard to type properly.

Um, just to say if you are not doing this already blink slowly at her when she is eyeballing you. It's cat language for I'm ok, I'm no threat, and if she does it back she may approach you later....