Feeling so sad about my cat - hates toddler and being bullied.

[Grumpla]

She was a rescue and I love her dearly but since we moved house six months ago I feel that her life has just got worse and worse. I'm really sad about it as I thought the move (from small flat with shared outdoor space full of horrible dogs tohouse with lovely big garden) would be brilliant for her. She didn't react very well when DS (now almost 2) arrived and there is now a large tom cat three houses down constantly bullying her. I haven't installed a cat flap yet as I was hoping they would resolve things and don't want a potential entry point for him - he is HUGE, I really think he could probably force his way through most of the catflaps I've seen.

But it seems to be getting worse - if I don't go out with her he is often lying in wait in the alley and having spoken to my neighbours it appears he has driven away (?!?!) other new cats in the neighbourhood before (apparently they "vanished") He is literally twice her size and has already injured her several times. She has claws but no teeth.

Meanwhile she has taken to spraying in the house again - especially around my son's stuff e.g. nappy bin, highchair etc. As a result she is now confined to the (very large) utility room at night, and spends much of the day outside (once she gets past the alley she usually manages to evade Tom) with me constantly hovering around checking up on her and dashing outside to break up a fight at least once or twice a week.

It seems pretty clear that she feels threatened from two directions. Is there anything I can do to help make her feel more comfortable with my son? I have tried to teach him to be gentle, not to run at her etc and to be fair he has taken this on board - he does say 'CAT CAT' quite loudly but does not chase / grab any more - but then the minute one of his toddler mates comes round and runs after her shrieking it's back to square one, she seems to think they are all the same small loud person and then won't come near DS for days!

I feel as though if I could just get her feeling more secure in the house then perhaps she could be a mainly indoor cat, but obviously the spraying etc is making it impossible to give her the run of the house - but she'd not going to stop spraying whilst this Tom is harassing her outside... AAAAARRGGGHHH I just don't know what to do. I fucking hate that bastard cat, I really do. I know his owner probably loves him just as much as I love mine but AAARRRRGGGGHHH!!!

Get a super soaker for the tom cat. Put her in the utility room when other toddlers come round so they can't scare her.

You can get cat flaps that read the microchips in their necks but I don't know how quickly they open in case she has to run in.

Is the other cat neutered? Full toms have bigger territories than neutered ones. My cat used to bully next doors cat really badly but one day she shot out of her flap and gave him a good going over. Dh was there and had to seperate them. She was half his weight.

In the end I noticed next doors cat went out at night so I kept ours in at night and he went out during the day whilst she snoozed in her garden

My cat has her own key fob so no other cat can get in and they open quickly. We have also had a bully cat and once my neighbour saw my cat fly over the 6 foot gate to get away from it. Thankfully the cat has now gone.

we never solved this problem with one of our cats, who was being bullied by a pair of feral cats in the alley, and we very reluctantly rehomed him.
but in the process we tried feliway - a hormone diffuser thing that makes cats feel calm and happy
and zylkene - an anti anxiety remedy that you put in their food.

i hope you have better success than we did.

With your toddler, I would make sure your cat has some area, either high up or sectioned off by a babygate that is 'hers' where he can't reach her & she can sleep in peace. Not sure what to suggest about other cat, maybe get a really tiny cat flap! so your cat can get through but not 'him'

Mine is now an indoor cat after a run in with what was either a pack of strays or maybe even a dog a few years ago that left her half dead. She was anxious about the neighbourhood cats and he toddlers in her life too. They all learned the hard way how to treat Pud and what she would not put up with. For the toys, wash them with enzyme detergent, then rinse with a mixture of white vinegar and water (50-50) and maybe this will discourage her from spraying.

Neighbours used feliway with great success for a stressed cat. I found keeping gates in place to keep visiting toddlers from the cat, and being very proactive with them when they were here, helped. The cat also had a bolthole (the basement) where she could hide.

I might give the Feliway a go then, possibly also a stairgate across the downstairs loo door (she likes to sleep behind the loo, people always give me odd looks as though I have forced the poor little cat to sleep there! But if I move her bed she just sleeps on te lino!)

The tom is neutered (according to my enquiries anyway) but he doesn't act like it...

Yep, I think a supersoaker and a few days on sniper duty might be In order too. He really is a devil - I left the back door open for a MINUTE today and he was in the house eating her food! Bastard thing!

I think you need to plan ahead for playdates and just make sure she is asleep in a room upstairs when children come round. Supersoaker sounds good for the other cat - won't hurt him but might make him avoid your area. I wonder if the cat deterrant crystals you can buy might be of any help if you out them round your boundary? Then your cat could stay within the perimeter but no other cat would want to cross it. Like vampires and holy water Of course there is a risk your cat has a much more sensitive nose and would be traumatised by it whilst the thug from down the road wanders all over them......