Our lovely old cat is very ill and will need putting down imminently - problem is DP is in denial so I think we'll have a battle on when the time comes - WWYD?

[MadreInglese]

Our 13yo cat has a large tumour in his abdomen which is causing v unpleasant toileting and the vet has said it's inoperable as too large and he is too old so they want to put him down in the next week or so It's very sad as he's quite a character but he's a good old age and it's just his time.

As he wasn't apparently in any pain or discomfort and is still merrily eating they've let us bring him home with some steroids but have warned us that the decline will be rapid and already he's slowing down (not that he was fast before!) and looking a bit dopey and unsteady.

I don't want to prolong it any more (we've already known for about a week and DD is distraught enough as it is without dragging it out) but DP keeps wittering on about he doesn't look any different to him and maybe he'll go on for another month or so

He's in complete denial and it's pissing me off now as I don't want the poor cat to suffer but as it's "his" cat (from just before we were together) I can't seem to force the issue without seeming like a heartless cow, but I think he should be the one to take him as he's mentioned wanting to bury him afterwards. It's looking like I'll have to deal with it and bring home a dead cat but I'm heavily pregnant with hyperemesis and feeling like shite so would rather not (am also thoroughly sick of being the one who has to 'sort' everything) but apart from it being totally unfair on the poor cat I don't want to be on maternity leave having to deal with horrendous cat diarhorrea daily just because he's too cowardly to accept the inevitable.

How to I get him to man up and sort the poor bloody cat out?

Well DP had finally made an appt for last Friday morning but when we got home Thurs evening the cat was not at home. DP went off to look for him and found him down the back street lying on the floor, all floppy with glazed eyes and his tongue hanging out

He brought him back home panicking and flapping as he was still alive but only just. We all said a quick goodbye and then he took him to the vets which were luckily open late that day. They put him down and told DP that the tumour had grown a lot and he most probably had a big bleed and drifted off and wouldn't have been in pain (I do hope that's true and not just the vet trying to console DP)

Poor DD was a bit traumatised seeing the cat in such a state, and we all had a good old blub for him. MIL popped in that night for a cuppa (bad coincidence) and said "oh I guess he was poorly after all then" stupid woman.

DP just kept repeating "I didn't want him to go like that" all evening. I'm cross and sad that it happened how it did but DP is gutted enough without me kicking him with any I-told-you-so's and at least the poor cat is at peace now

Oh Madre, I'm so sorry. It does sound like he didn't suffer too much, at least that is some comfort.

Very for your DD too. Hopefully your DP can learn from this and will be able to step up if this sort of situation ever happens again.

So sorry for you all :-(

I lost 2 14 year old cats close together and let the first one suffer for ages, very unwilling to let her go. The second I didn't want to suffer.

Heart breaking.......... Because they can't talk it is very difficult to know how they feel.

I would just put it behind you now and get on with grieving. I don't think you need to say anything to DP. He will know in himself he was wrong. I would be thankful to have a sensitive DP who obviously cared very much for your cat.

Thanks treacle

Oh he bloody well most certainly will step up next time, I may not be saying I told you so now but I will refer back to this with passion if anything similar crops up in future (hopefully it won't of course)

I don't need to say anything, he knows he let it go on too long and it would only be rubbing salt in the wound, I think the way he feels right now is lesson enough for him

I am so sorry .

RIP MadreCat.

Thanks FAB

prayingmantisgroupie how is your cat doing?

Hi Madre, have only just seen this, so sorry for late reply.
I am so sorry about your lovely kitty . Your poor DP - I bet he is beating himself up about it. It sounds like the end was relatively quick - at least he didn't suffer for days. Hugs again to you all.
My girl is ok, but still so, so skinny. She is eating well, but you can feel every bone in her little body. Her next appointment with the vet is on Friday afternoon, so I'll see what he thinks, how much more weight she's lost etc. She is still going outside and lying on the lawn, and she seems ok, but how do you really know? Thank you for asking after her, and I hope your pregnancy is going ok as well. xx

UPDATE : My beautiful girl was put to sleep this morning. She became very unwell all of a sudden and we rushed her to the vet. He said the tumour in her tummy had ruptured and she was going into shock, so he put he out of her pain immediately. I miss her so already.