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The litter tray

Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

Original poster

I wish I could talk cat. I would say...

68 replies

TastesLikePanda · 12/02/2011 00:06

Darling Matthew - just because I am walking into the kitchen, do not assume you are going to get fed again. I go in there for lots of reasons!

Dearest Jeffrey - I love you a lot but please do not walk on mummys brand new laptop with wet and muddy paws.

OP posts:
CaveMum · 12/02/2011 23:18

Dear Molly
You are a beautiful, intelligent cat but can you PLEASE learn to bury your own poo?! I know your brother used to do it for you, but he's been dead Sad for 2 years. It really is about time you did it for yourself.

edam · 13/02/2011 09:35

Aw, Cave, that's both sweet and sad. And sounds deeply frustrating!

We used to have mother/daughter cats and the mother used to show the daughter what to do over and over again (how to climb DOWN from trees, for instance) but daughter always preferred Mummy to do it for her, would rarely do stuff for herself if Mummy was around. Grin

BellaBearisWideAwake · 13/02/2011 09:41

Dear Alfred,
That expensive glider chair is MINE. Stop glaring at me when I sit on it. I'm not getting up for you.
Love the heavily pregnant lady

TooManyButtons · 13/02/2011 09:42

Dear Maisy

I know you don't seem to realise your tail is no longer there, but please stop rubbing your stump on my bare legs while I'm getting coffee first thing in the morning. It makes me feel sick.

AboardtheAxiom · 13/02/2011 09:45

you can come downstairs ya know, the dog will not eat you, he's actually as jumpy as you are!

AboardtheAxiom · 13/02/2011 09:45

p.s. I'm sorry you're name is 'seefor...' blame idiot ex who named you

MaeMobley · 13/02/2011 09:53

Dear V and L,

please stop inserting yourselves between me and DH anytime we even think about having sex.

Please don't watch and purr when we are having sex.

PS: the bed is ours.

HONESTMOI · 13/02/2011 10:11

Dear Annabelle, I love you very much as you know but I would really appreciate if you could take of the mouse which I saw running accross the kitchen the other day, and dont tell me you didnt see it as you were with me that time having a nap. You looked at it but you didnt even attempt to run after it. Shame on you.
Also, I'll appreciate if you could make the effort to jump over the security gate if you feel like having a snack. Afterall, you mnage to jump over it after you have a snack. I know that once dh and I we laughted about you when you fell on your backside but you would have been in our shoes, you would have done the same !
On the Subject of Polly (the cat next door), she is a KITTEN, so stop being scared of her, she is not going to eat you, grow a backbone !

Lemonylemon · 16/02/2011 13:37

J - please stop using the front doormat and curtains as an extra loo; please also stop using the bath as one too. You have a nice big litter tray.

J & A - stop being so bloody fussy about your food. You're well fed cats. Stop just licking the gravy/jelly off the bits of meat. You eat whiskas sachet food, or felix sachet food, think yourselves lucky we knocked the sainsb's one on the head.

J & A - stop jumping every time I walk into the kitchen. It's MY kitchen - I do a lot in there.

J - its very nice now you've come out of hiding and are now quite affectionate. A - you're just mad....

BlingLoving · 16/02/2011 13:43

Darling Adam. I know it's hard to accept, but the cat flap out the back does, in fact, work, even if DH and I are at home and available to let you out the front.

Also, while we appreciate that after you wake us up in the morning you respond well to our requests for a snooze, wouldn't it just be easier and better for all of us if you simply waited until the alarm clock went off?

peeriebear · 16/02/2011 13:44

Moo- STOP PISSING IN THE HOUSE, it is making me see red and hate you.
And strolling across the pillows when DH and I are getting it on gives me frowny eyebrows.
And Please, this spring/summer, could you not see my garden frogs as squishy toys :(

Original poster
TastesLikePanda · 17/02/2011 22:29

These are so funny! I'm loving finding out all the cats names :)

OP posts:
nzshar · 17/02/2011 23:38

Nesquik- No 2am is not time to come upstairs with your favourite toy and meow very loudly for me to play! Also DP is blind MOVE OUT OF THE WAY or he WILL step on you, you really should know this you have lived with us for almost 11 years now!

aLegonEachCorner · 19/02/2011 18:59

Dear Tallulah-belle. You're such a beautiful girl but, taking a chunk out of my calf/ankle first thing in the morning, as I step from the bed, is not a formal greeting. "Good Morning" is quite sufficient, darling.

Also, if you insist on sleeping atop the quilt between myself and DH (yes, it IS his bed too, he's allowed to lie on that pillow) then you need to be prepared for him turning over suddenly, taking the quilt with him and you, jettisoned into the mid-air by the tension of the quilt between us.

Ah but Miss Tallulah, you are quite exquisite and I'm prepared to let you sleep on my fine knits from Kew and Fenn Wright Manson because you are the haughtiest feline I've ever had the pleasure of owning. You were made for Chanel, really.

DontCallMeBaby · 19/02/2011 19:31

Dear Sausage, could you please learn to clean your bottom properly? You're very sweet, but you do stink. And while we're at it, is there any chance that when you come for a cuddle you could just settle down, without the ten-minute-long prelude of kneading and bottom waving?

Dear Pickle, it's not a problem, but I'm just wondering what it is with you and tomato soup? Anyway, what I'd really appreciate from you would be if you could just be patient in the mornings, and not cry and scratch at the bedroom door at 5am.

Dear both, please keep up the being-crap-at-hunting. It's much appreciated, although if you could see your way to being just a bit more crap, and never torturing a frog to death outside the back door, or bringing a mouse into the house, that would be great.

littleomar · 19/02/2011 19:35

seriously, you may be getting on a bit but you are still more than capable of burying your poo.

and please stop making that noise. your food is there. THERE. LOOK.

ArabellaFinchHartley · 19/02/2011 19:41

STOP ruddy well crapping in between the litter tray liner and the litter tray. Just crap IN THE LITTER you pair of eejits.

Oh and mummy looooooves you WinkGrin

DontCallMeBaby · 19/02/2011 19:44

PS Water in glasses is not for you. Also, please man (cat?) up and show the big tabby cat from over the road who's territory this is. I don't want to be booting him out of the kitchen again this summer, and I'm sure you don't really wanting him eating your food again.

Fluffycloudland77 · 24/02/2011 18:45

Dear B,

it's a clothes horse, NOT a pussy cat climbing frames. That last one was 10 years old.

DH loves you very much, you don't need to lower your back when he tries to stroke him. Then stand right next to me thinking ' I love the mommy '. He will love you less if he sees what you've done to his jacket.....

Fluffycloudland77 · 24/02/2011 18:52

Oh and while I think of it, it doesn't matter how fast you run past me in the summer with a fledgling in your mouth I can still see it. You are not allowed to keep them. Deal with it and move on.

animadura · 24/02/2011 19:16

Dear Milly

The dog loves and worships you. She wants you to play. She keeps offering you her toys, even her bone. Couldn't you be a little bit nice to her? Just once in a while? Or at least stop slapping her around?

FluteyBoots · 24/02/2011 19:30

Thank you for fur ball you left on top of the piano, it was lovely.
There is no need to run past me into the hall when I open the kitchen door. I am heading in the other direction to feed you.
Why don't you just pick one dining chair to sit on and make furry? Then I would only have to Hoover one of them, not 4.

DontCallMeBaby · 25/02/2011 22:14

I wonder if any dog-people-who-are-not-also-cat-people have come across this thread and wondered what on EARTH we see in cats?! :o

Anyway more for my boys ... the trampoline. Okay lads, you can run around the outside, you can bounce on the middle for all I care, but please do NOT start climbing the net again. This one cost me £90 cos you shredded the previous one. Also please stop attacking me through the fabric tent under DD's midsleeper bed, it frightens the CRAP out of me when I don't even know you're there.

Oh, and Lakeland called to say thanks, and could you pass the message to all your cat buddies - sales of sticky link/hair rollers are doing very nicely.

SecretNutellaFix · 25/02/2011 22:28

Dear K. On the odd occasions I decide to feed you early, when 8pm comes around, do NOT think for a second that I will feed you a second time because it is the "right" time.

Darling J. The stair carpet is a very dark burgundy. You are mainly black and sleep curled up with your white bits tucked away on the stairs. Please don't get offended if I stand on you in the dark- I simply cannot see you without the light on.

Maud2011 · 26/02/2011 00:38

Darling Boris, please stop farting in my face, it really isn't pleasant much as I love you. And please also stop sneaking up silently behind me when I'm in a hurry twixt stove and sink, and then getting all shocked and offended when I tread on one of your paws!

Darling Rosie, please can you find somewhere other than my ankles to sleep? They can't be all THAT comfortable for you... and it's really somewhat uncomfortable for me when you decide to doze off there. And please remember you are every bit as much a Cat In Your Own Right as Boris is and stop giving in and deferring to him all the time!

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