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Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

Original poster

Cat has got to go :-(

28 replies

TheVeryLazyLadybird · 08/10/2010 22:27

We have an 8mo grey cat, she's very pretty and full of character, I like her a lot (still not in love with her!) but DH and DS really, really don't like her.
DH can't stand her being near him and DS (3) just moans or cries about her on a good day, picks on her on a bad day...

I just feel like I'm fighting a losing battle and that she'd be better off living in a house where more than 1/3 of the household will give her attention.
She's starting to misbehave, I'm sure she's not happy here and I feel so sorry for her.
I just feel like I'm playing referee all he time.

Would rather she was rehomed now before I become too attached to her. Think its best for all of us Sad
Whats the best way to make sure she's cared for? We're near a rehoming centre, but I would like to know who she's with, where would I start?

Anyone here able to help...?

OP posts:
loopyloops · 08/10/2010 22:29

Why on earth doesn't anyone like her?

kormachameleon · 08/10/2010 22:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

loopyloops · 08/10/2010 22:36

And how does a cat misbehave?

onadietcokebreak · 08/10/2010 22:43

What is wrong with your DH. He sounds very unloving.

You need to tell your DS that he can behave like that. We have a book call how do dinosaurs play with their cats which i read to my son when we got our cat.

onadietcokebreak · 08/10/2010 22:43

What area are you?

MaudOHara · 08/10/2010 22:45

Sad why would anyone take on any animal in a house where they are not liked

UnrequitedSkink · 08/10/2010 22:45

Do you think perhaps your son is picking up on your DH's antipathy? It's unusual for a child not to like animals. Maybe if you show him how to play with her and encourage him to look after her he'll become more fond. Has she scratched him?

SecretNutellaFix · 08/10/2010 22:47

Why does DH not like her being near him?Shock

DS sounds like he's a normal small boy who doesn't know what he's doing, but he can be taught.

She's beautiful! She's basically a teenager, development wise, so what is she doing?

Original poster
TheVeryLazyLadybird · 08/10/2010 23:10

Yes I think DS is following DHs lead TBH Sad She has scratched him but only a couple of times while playing, she's never swiped him, although I'm sure she'd like to some days! Smile
She's not badly treated by the way, read my OP back and it sounds like she's mistreated! She's not, she gets a lot of fuss and attention from me and the other 2 don't really have much to do with her other than moaning about her and shouting at her.

To be fair, we didn't get her 'when no one wants her', I wanted her, DS wanted her but at 3yr old he doesn't really have enough experience of cats to say he didn't want her, and DH agreed to having her.

Maybe it is still just early days, we've had her a few months, I just expected her to fit in straight away, maybe it'll just take a bit longer than I expected.
Never had a 3yr old and a cat before now! Smile

I think DH was expecting her to be like his Aunts cats, who just lay around the house and flip their tummy up to be stroked!
Ours is still bouncing around the place fighting with the curtains! Grin

Maybe I need to be more patient with them all and stop seeing it as a failure...?
Oh I don't know... Just wish they'd all get on!

We're in Berks BTW.

OP posts:
BatsInTheSnowglobe · 08/10/2010 23:11

It's easy to judge, but I'm sure OP didn't get the cat with plans to ever part with her or already knowing other family members wouldn't like her! Deciding to part with an animal can be a very difficult decision, which I'm sure it would have been for OP as she says she does like the cat herself. Nobody knows what owning a specific type of animal will be like until they own it and live with it. Unfortunately this means sometimes it doesn't work out.
Personally I respect OP for seeking advice on how to go about finding the cat a loving new home rather than just dumping it at the rehoming centres gates like so many unloving owners do.

TVLL if you have decided you must rehome the cat you could contact the local rescue centres and ask their advice. Or if she is a specific breed try contacting the local breed / cat club or breeders as they may know someone who could give her a good home.
Breeders or clubs are usually a good source of information and help.

Good luck.

SecretNutellaFix · 08/10/2010 23:15

How old was your DH aunt's cat when she was the lapcat?

My 2 furry-assed felines are now 7 and have really only stopped doing the active nutty thing in the past year or 2?

I think the best thing you can do is discourage the use of claws whenever you can, and let ds get scratched. He will learn fast enough how to avoid pain and bleeding.

My friends DS took a while to "get" how to behave with a cat, in fact he was nearly 9 when he was calm enough for my two to approach him. Lots of gentle reminders and lots of praise when he is kind to her.

Original poster
TheVeryLazyLadybird · 08/10/2010 23:23

Thanks Nutty, she is beautiful isn't she!? Grin

I'm not sure how old Aunts cats are now, I know they preceded he children though, oldest one is early teens now!
I don't think he realises they aren't born like that!

I know she's just developing, but I'm just so sick of playing referee, starting to doubt myself. Wondering if its my fault and whether she'd be better of somewhere else Sad

After reading the replies, I'm now thinking I'm a total bloody drama queen who's having a blow out!

DH just has such a short fuse, can't cope with her fighting with the curtains, climbing into the cup cupboard and knocking stuff out, climbing up the standing lamp, laying behind him and bashing him on the head or biting him when he scratches his head....
I've tried (and tried!) telling him he needs to give her a bit of affection and time and she might actually warm to him aswell as him to her!

OP posts:
loopyloops · 08/10/2010 23:24

Both my cats calmed down when they got to about a year. I miss the kittenish behaviour though :(

Original poster
TheVeryLazyLadybird · 08/10/2010 23:25

onadietcokebreak is that book available in UK?
Have only found it on US Amazon...

OP posts:
SecretNutellaFix · 08/10/2010 23:25

Sorry, I did just snigger when I read that.

You aren't a Drama Queen at all. You are at the end of your tether with a grumpy DH, an active toddler who is picking up on Daddy's moods and I'm not surprised you are fed up!

BatsInTheSnowglobe · 08/10/2010 23:33

sorry to giggle too but surely this "laying behind him and bashing him on the head" is reason enough to keep her!

Most people with cats say they seem to calm after a year, my sisters did. She was pure evil for the first year of her life, she'd bite scratch and attack anything that moved. Now she just sits and meows at you. Last time i was there i had to pick up the cat from the driveway so we could park the car as she refused to move just meowed at the car!

Original poster
TheVeryLazyLadybird · 08/10/2010 23:34

Was wearing my drama queen tiara then! Will have to take it off now...

Just sick of it, hate playing the one in the middle all the time.

Maybe I should take this over to flouncers corner, except I'm flouncing from my lot and not MN!

Wish someone would come and sort them all out while I'm at work one day... anyone got a wand?

OP posts:
LadyWellian · 08/10/2010 23:35

loopyloops how does a cat misbehave? I had a cat once - only female I've ever had, we had her litter brother a week earlier and took her because the person who was meant to be having her had to move and couldn't have a pet.

This one would spent all evening outside, then come in, run into our bedroom and piss/crap on the bed. She did it once when I was in it!

Never got to the bottom of it. She ran away from SIL's when we were on honeymoon and was never seen again. I hope she found somewhere where she was happier. I always thought she must have felt like the new girl at school coming in a week late when her brother (whose curiosity sadly got the better of him when he was run over at 14mo) had already made friends with the dog.

LadyWellian · 08/10/2010 23:38

But to the OP - they do usually calm down! 3 is a tricky age - we were catless from when DD was about 3wks old and our grown-up cat died, to when she was 7 and we got a 1yo rescue cat, so I don't have direct relevant experience, but perhaps the fact she is a kitten means they can learn together how to be together, if that doesn't sound too poncey.

Original poster
TheVeryLazyLadybird · 08/10/2010 23:45

No it doesn't sound poncey at all! That was kind of the reason for getting her when we did. Thought it would be nice for him to grow up with her, learn to respect animals, have a best friend to play with... just didn't count on the 'grown up' boy being my biggest problem!

OP posts:
LadyWellian · 08/10/2010 23:49

That was another reason for our 7yr gap! Helped me that DD was desperate for a cat too. DH definitely a dog person, but our working lives these days are incompatible with a dog.

EightiesChick · 08/10/2010 23:59

TheVeryLazyLadybird I have just bought the book on Amazon.co.uk - it doesn't seem to be in print but quite a few sellers have 2nd hand or new copies to sell. Take a look.

massivemammaries · 09/10/2010 00:02

I rehomed two cats recently with no trouble at all .... I advertised them on Gumtree and they both went within a few days. No problem. Just need to take a photo and do a nice advert

MoominMymbleandMy · 09/10/2010 00:19

I am baffled.

She is behaving like a normal eight-month-old cat! When she passes her first birthday she'll be much calmer and lazier.

Both my DCs were brought up with cats. In DS' case they were bouncy kittens when he was first mobile.

It really isn't hard to teach small children to be kind to them and DS' face lights up when a cat comes up and sits beside him or rubs around his legs.

He's only two and an ordinary, boisterous toddler but he knows to stroke them the right way and to leave their tails alone.

It really isn't easy to find responsible homes for cats at the moment and I doubt it will get any easier with the economy in such a state. And your one is past the cute bundle of fluff stage.

I'd be more inclined to rehome your DH.

Mumi · 09/10/2010 00:24

If your DH and DS don't like her, could it be that she's "misbehaving" because she isn't being played with?
Younger cats have a lot of energy and if they don't get that opportunity, then of course they will be wild.