How do you know when it's time to say goodbye?

[MrsBeltane]

We have a 14 year old rescue mixed breed. We've had her since she was 4 months old. Over the years she's had both cruciate ligaments repaired and back surgery for a ruptured disc (thanks to Noel Fitzpatrick she made an excellent recovery).
In the past few months she has developed terrible separation anxiety and howls if she thinks she's on her own. If I go upstairs, she'll sit and howl. The vet has diagnosed dementia and I have medication to help her if I need to leave the house for more than 30 mins. She's also started getting up in the early hours to be let out. She's so loud that our neighbours have complained. I feel we're getting to the point when it's time to PTS, but DH isn't in agreement. He thinks it's unethical as she isn't technically "ill".

I've never had a dog before and I'm finding this change in her very distressing. She's still eating and drinking and goes for short walks, she's quite arthritic.
Do I go to the vet again and discuss my concerns?

She's telling you. it's not a quality life with dementia.
The Vet can't guide you one way or the other. It's the biggest gift you will be able to give her in letting her go peacefully.

Yes do that. Dementia is an illness. My friend had their dog put to sleep last spring for that reason.

Only you can know.

Take into consideration the changes, her quality of life, her enjoyment of things she has loved throughout her life, her prognosis.

The one thing you don’t take into consideration is how letting her go will affect you.

It’s about the dog, exclusively.

I’m of the opinion your DH is wrong. Being confused and terrified every time you leave a room is a miserable and unkind existence for her, not a quality life. I’m so sorry

I would agree with what others have said. It's about quality of life. It's the hardest decision you have to make though 💐

Thanks everyone, I think deep down I know it's time. I now need to have the conversation with my son, he was 9 when we got her ☹️

Sorry that your girl is starting to show age , I put my little girl to sleep last year , my husband was totally against it but i fought for her as her quality of life was so poor it hurt every time i looked at her . I made the decision and went against his wishes , he knew that it was time but didn’t want to let her go .
She was a beautiful little westie who was severely arthritic and had brought so much joy to the family but i felt it was cruel to her to keep giving her injections and medication that was no longer working .
We have lovely memories of her and some beautiful pictures.
Your husband is probably trying to get his head around letting her go but by talking about it together as a family makes it easier to agree to .

I agree with you and think it's time. You don't want to wait until there's only bad in her life. I'm a big believer in better too early than too late, I'd find it very hard to forgive myself if I'd let my dog go on too long. Spoil her and then take her in to the vet (or book them to come to your home). My recent experience of taking my dog in was very peaceful. He didn't know anything other than he was getting fed loads of yummy treats, being fussed and being told how fabulous he was, and getting sleepy. He died happy.

Another vote for longer is not always better. If you think about it, what benefit is there to anyone letting poor pup live on in distress.

With my cat we had agreed with the vet there was no further treatment so I had an arrangement that when the time came I could phone up and was guarantee the last appointment of the day, that day, when the vet wasn't busy and had lots of time for us.

If you do go back to the vets, make your DH go with you. I had to get the vet to spell it out for my ex when we were in this position. He couldn't face up to it and accused me of wanting to murder DDog.

And get him to read this. It might help.

I had to have my 16.5 year old dog pts in June for similar reasons. It started with her not wanting to be left alone even though she'd always been fine previously and then the unsettled nights started and she was becoming confused in familiar places. She just wasn't herself anymore and the feisty girl who loved life had become unsettled unless I was holding her.

We had a lovely vet from Dignipets come to our house and it was as "nice" and peaceful a passing as it could have been. I miss her terribly, but knowing they aren't suffering or afraid anymore is the kindest most loving thing we can do for them 🩷

I'm really sorry you're in this situation, it's the absolute worst. Sending hugs x