What do we tell young child about PTS?

[ShrinkyDinkyPetal]

Our lovely old girl is being PTS this coming week.
We have a 5 year old who knows our dog is old and poorly.
I've no issues with talking about death, we have a few books on order that are meant to be good too.

it's the euthanasia part that is confusing me. Do we tell her in advance so she can say goodbye, which would mean before school so not ideal. Or the evening before when we generally have reception age tired grumpiness.

And then how to word it, when it sounds like the vet is killing her dog. Is this too much at this age, are we better just telling her that the dog has died afterwards? We will be keeping the body.

Any experiences welcome - apologies for any bad spelling, typing through tears!

I’m so sorry. I always went for the vet couldn’t make them better so they died. Avoid any mention of put to sleep as that can be confusing and scary for a small child.

I’m so sorry. How about the concept of Rainbow Bridge and the Vet helping her to get there.
I know you’ve got books on order.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Over-Rainbow-Bridge-Noel-Fitzpatrick/dp/1398549975/ref=asc_df_1398549975?mcid=53b733aa0c96330784a454c93fbf87df&th=1&psc=1&tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=762656250935&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=102032745835717532&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9195089&hvtargid=pla-2442908791148&psc=1&hvocijid=102032745835717532-1398549975-&hvexpln=0&gad_source=1

I’d tell her teacher too.

That's the approach that people I know with children 5 years and under took. Older children I'd tell, but euthanasia is a difficult concept to explain to a small child and you don't want them to become scared of vets or doctors because of misunderstanding.

Thank you I've added that one on to my order. Good idea about telling her teacher, she is a big dog lover and often stops for a chat with our girl at the gate so will be kind I'm sure.

Thank you @Wolfiefan and @24Dogcuddler that is my concern. My daughter has her own medical things ongoing too and I dont want anything that rocks that boat. Just want us to get it straight in our heads what we are saying and when ☹️

Hello

We recently had to say goodnight to our old boy at 15, as he became quite poorly quite quickly. Our LO is 6, she knew that he was getting very unwell and we had pre-prepared her as he got older that unfortunately he can't stay with us for ever and she understood about death.

On the day we told our LO after school that he was very poorly and we explained that he was dying, and that the vets could give him some medicine to make sure he was as comfortable as possible, and she accepted that. We had time to say goodbye, she cuddled him, gave him a piece of toast and she cried. Everybody is completely different but I think she would have struggled with him just being here and then not. She's accepted him dying without many questions, she just misses her best buddy.

Thinking of you all, it's so hard.

Be very careful how you explain this to your child. A child I knew had a medical problem which was going to involve a general anaesthetic, when the procedure was explained to her she was terrified as the only previous encounter she had had with being ‘put to sleep’ was when their elderly dog was taken on a one way trip to the vets. She assumed she would also die 😢

There is a book about Mog the Cat. Can't remember the title. But Mog dies. I think Mog gets ill and old. The book implies that it is a good thing to die because Mog is out of pain. It's years since I read it but it's probably the right age range.

It's called Goodbye Mog.

I’m not sure I’d mention ‘put to sleep’. It might give her a fear of going to sleep & not waking up.!

Goodbye Mog is an excellent book. But you will cry buckets, when you read it!

I told mine that vet gave him special medicine to help him go to heaven & that he was not going to be hurting or in pain anymore, child was almost 5 at the time & seemed ok with that explanation x

So sorry your dog has come to the end of their life. We had our old cat put to sleep at home last year. DD had just turned 6 a few weeks before. I gave her the option of being present when it happened and she said she wanted to be there. We called the school that morning and told them it had already happened the day before and DD was upset, and i didn’t want to bring her in that condition.

I told DD that our cat was poorly and in pain and she wasn’t going to get better, and the vet was giving her an injection to send her to sleep and then she would die without pain, and she would go to heaven.

DD was present for the whole thing and honestly I’m so glad I let her be there. She did cry, we all did, we took her body to the pet crematorium ourselves, and after that she said she wanted to go to school so we took her in after lunch. I think she wanted some normality.

She has cried since, saying that she misses our cat, but has said she’s glad she was there to make her last day happy - to give her lots of fuss and cuddles. I don’t for one minute regret letting her be there.

I know this option isn’t for everyone, and most people I spoke to said they wouldn’t let their DC be present, but I just wanted to let you know it is a possibility and certainly hasn’t left her scarred by the experience. Obviously you know your child best and yours it that bit younger as well. I hope everything goes well x

@MustUseAName @HarshbutTrue2 I love Mog, but heard that the story features getting a new cat quite heavily. We are planning to be pet free for a long while after this!

Just an update, its happened last week and we did end up telling them in advance.

We said the vet was coming to check them and if they were still very old and poorly and not getting better they would get a special animal medicine to help them die peacefully. They then got to say their goodbyes and later helped with the burial after school.

It was such a sad day but I can see now it was the right decision to involve them and be open about it.

Apologies I didn't reply to all messages it was just too painful last week. Thank you for all of the advice.

I am glad it went as well as it could.

For what it’s worth, I think you made the right choice. We’ve had two cats die so far. The second was very elderly and increasingly infirm/dementia and we explained daddy was taking him to the vet, who could help him let go of his body without any more pain or fear. They found that much, much easier than the first who just disappeared one day (cats; we think she wanted to die alone).

I think you explained it perfectly.

The pain is so very deep, I wish you lots of courage as you’ll be grieving no doubt.

It sounds like it went as well as could be expected. My policy is always to be as honest as possible so I would have explained that sometimes pet is old and poorly and can't get better, so to stop them feeling poorly we give them some medicine so they can die peacefully with a cuddle.

So sorry. It sounds as if you handled it beautifully with your daughter though.

Well done at such a difficult time. I love the idea of a special animal medicine.

When I was 5 my DM told me she was going to put our dog down. I remember walking to the vet I felt like I was going to the gas chamber. I found it absolutely horrific. I’ve never forgiven her. 5 is too young to understand,

I guess that's my child scarred for life then... my five year old isnt aware of gas chambers yet and I hope we managed to give an age appropriate explanation. Time will tell but they seem to have handled it well so far.
I hope you can forgive your mum.