Struggling to get over wanting a dog after my brother adopted one

[Fabdabbydosey]

my brother had been looking to adopt a dog for a while and one came up close to home. He wanted me to go with him to meet him and potentially bring him home. When we got there, the dog immediately came to me and was comfortable with me and wasn’t as comfortable with my brother. After a while he eventually warmed up to my brother and he decided to adopt him. I can’t lie. I was guttedly jealous. I fell completely in love with the dog and I still have a pit in my stomach 3 months later.

for context, Dbrother is single, lives alone and is self employed and WFH. I am married with 3 primary aged children. I work part time (10h per week) - for even bigger context, we rehomed a dog when my first child was born after the dog became reactive to the baby and the dog start stress-eating his own poo. It wasn’t a nice time for us and I’ll never not feel guilty, and DH vowed to never ever get a dog again after that. I agreed at the time but having grown up with dogs I do love the idea of my children growing up with a family dog too.. and after meeting DB dog I am almost yearning one! I’m too scared to mention it seriously to DH because he’s still pretty against ever getting one and i know him saying it will make me sad.

I’m not sure how to get over wanting a dog so badly 😭

My DP nearly left me as he wanted a dog so much and I said no! We had to go to couples counselling !!!

Did you get one? What was the compromise?

Everyone in the house has to be on board with the dog and it isn't something you compromise on - quite like having children or having another child, if one party says 'no' then that is that.

But, and most importantly at the moment, a good breeder/rescue would likely never sell to you with one primary age child, let alone three - at least in my opinion and experience.

DH and I lived in separate countries for several years because of my choice to have dogs, and return to the UK after a job overseas, and his choice to prioritise his career - that was how much I wanted (and needed) a dog: I literally moved countries to have one. So I do completely understand how strong that yearning for a dog can be and it's heartbreaking to not be able to have one, particularly when you know how much joy it can bring.

But like I said, everyone has to be on board, and with three young children I think you'd be very very lucky to find any decent sort of breeder who would consider you (which means you'd end up with some dodgy backyard breeder and get a dog likely to have behavioural or health issues). At the very least, I would give it a few more years before you're likely to be in the right space to be able to devote the time and attention to a dog that it deserves.

If one of you doesn’t want a dog then you don’t get one.

No we didn’t get one. Dp volunteered at a dog rescue for a while and then he just came to terms with it. It was really difficult for a while though.

Does your brother live near you?

Can you offer to walk the dog, look after him, etc?

Would you be able to pour this energy and desire into spending time with some dogs desperately in need?

Walking rescues awaiting adoption, volunteering for the cinnamon trust, volunteering with breed specific rescues (transporter, short/long fosterer etc)...

If I didnt already have my dog and my hands full with my job and ageing parent then this is what I would do. So many poor little things need your help and a bit of your love even if it cannot be on a permanent basis. It might also help you deal with some of that guilt you mention, too? Xxx

You can do doggy day care /aunty duties to your new nephew 🐶 as sounds like you will be very busy for a dog and your brother has the time and will be about for a dog

get him to bring over to yours. Have the best of both worlds

this is what I do. Mini blondes would love a dog but I work 30hrs + a week and work travelling time 36hrs out of house and wouldn’t be fair

but love having friends and family dogs when they go away for weekends /holidays abroad /weddings etc. anything not suitable for a dog

we get to walk/cuddle /spend time with a dog without the expense and time value of owning one

In your situation going to the dog shelter to help someone else pick a dog was a poor decision!

Would just be nice to your brother’s dog.

Your H is unwilling to have another dog: option for you to work through that with him to reach a final decision as a couple. Most likely the decision will be not to.

If you had a dog that would either limit one of your ability to do paid work or incur £50 a working day or whatever it costs in dog care.

I don’t think volunteering seems right for OP, at this time, it’s likely she’d just ‘fall in love’ with dogs and want one.

Out of curiosity, do you have the finances for a dog if you work 10h a week?

What would you do with the dog for example, during school holidays when you take the kids our for the day?

Having a dog is like having a 4th child that never grows up. So your husband will need to be 100% on bord.
I also think with 3 young children do you actually have the time for a dog? Dogs are sociable animals they don't want to be left behind all the time. So unless your lifestyle is already very outdoors (and I am not taking about hanging around the playground after school) don't do it. Think about what your life will be in 3-5 years time: swimming lessons, football, drama club etc for the DC plus your own work commitments and maybe some time to yourself? There would be very little time day to day for the dog.

I honestly couldn’t accept that I’d never own another dog - ours is such a huge part of our lives that I can’t imagine being without. When DH and I first got together I made it crystal clear that animals were a non-negotiable though - luckily he agreed though I know he only tolerates the cats for my benefit 🤣