Still feeling so sad after losing our dog

[LaLaFlottes]

Our lovely little terrier died at the end of February. She was old, almost 16, and had various health issues, but she lived well, until that final night really.

During her final night she began being sick. This happened from time to time and I fully expected it to pass as it normally did. She always bounced back. However it didn't pass and we went to the vet first thing.

Deep down I knew this could be the end, but also had hope that it wasn't. Although I did worry about anti sickness injections potentially masking something serious. The vet was sure that her gall bladder condition had got worse and we needed to say goodbye.

Once the vet said this, I just wanted it to be done as quickly as possible as it was clear she was uncomfortable and needed peace. I don't feel in any way that it was wrong.

I went to see her at the pet crematorium to say a proper goodbye in a calmer environment as at the vets it was too rushed. I felt more peaceful after this.

Sorry to ramble but to get to the point...I am still so, so sad. After 5.5 weeks I thought I would feel a little better. After all, she had a good, long life, she was doing ok until the very end and we didn't have to make a quality of life decision really, which I had been dreading, as it was obvious the time had come.

But I just miss her so very much. I actually feel like I just cannot believe she's gone and not coming back. I got some lovely photos printed and in frames and they catch my eye and I just feel so sad that she's now just a photo, or a memory. I also feel like I almost can't remember her being here - I can't quite explain that one.

She came to live with us age 6 when her owner went into care and for almost 10 years she was my little shadow. I feel so sad.

Is this just normal grief? I keep wishing we'd had the chance for a lovely last day with her - although I know I would have found it so hard to make that quality of life decision to pts on a certain date.

I keep thinking of things I wish had been different in her last 12 hours. I should have known it was the end. Is it normal to latch on to things to feel bad about?

I know she had a great life with us. We always put her first and I miss her so much. I thought I was prepared for this. I even thought that perhaps we would enjoy being able to make spontaneous plans and do as we please - but I'd give it all up to just have her back.

I just hope she knew how much I loved her. At the vet as she was pts I was telling her I loved her and that she was a good girl, but my voice will have sounded odd as I was so upset and I'm so worried she died hearing me sound upset.

Any thoughts or shared stories very welcome. I'm not sure what I'm asking really. I'm just worried I seem to be feeling more and more sad rather than better, and I miss my best mate.

I think the pain that we feel when a loved pet dies can be as bad as the pain we feel when a person dies. Our pets live with us in our homes, we spend time with them every day, we love them, they are important to us and we have enduring and important relationships with them. I properly grieved when my cat died for a good six months. It really surprised me how devastating I found it, because I don't think that pet grief is really talked about - it's as if many people feel a bit embarrassed to be so devastated by the loss of their pet - but the fact is that it IS devastating to lose someone or something that we love and there is no shame in grieving them.

So no, I don't think your feelings are unusual - I think they're just an expression of the love you had for your dog and that's a lovely thing. The pain will lessen with time, but it's only been a few weeks. It would be surprising if you were over it already. Be kind to yourself. It's okay to feel the way you feel

I know the pain, I lost my two boys over 2 years ago. You'll be dazed for a while I'm afraid. It's excruciating pain and takes time to abate. You spend so much time with your dog , your life adjusts to fit them so when they die a massive impact is inevitable.

I miss them every day I'm afraid. I've adjusted and took on a 6 year old ex breeder Frenchie who fills me with joy. But I look at her and know (think) I'll have to go through the misery of loss again at some point. I take on rescue animals because it's absolutely the right thing to do and I ensure they have good lives. That balances out the sorrow kind of.

Just be kind to yourself and let the feelings be. It gets easier but it's the price of love. Sending love.

Our last dog died 11 months ago, aged 7, after finding out she was suffering from lymphoma. Same day, as we didn’t want her to suffer more. I miss her still.
As you said, she was your shadow. Just because she wasn’t human didn’t make your love any less real, or any less understood.
So cherish your memories and consider that love a blessing.

I resonate with this so much. I lost my girl years back and still miss her, she was an absolutely wonderful companion and saved my mental health. I would not be here without her and I know it. I was stuck in a rut and this little rescue furball got me out on daily walks and helped me dig my way out of a rough depression. I am forever grateful for her.
I missed her so much and I truly know how hard it is right now. It's ok to feel how you feel, you're not alone ❤️

Even if it doesn't seem so to ppl who don't understand this type of grief, it's still such early days.
Guilt and grief go hand in hand often, and as our pets can't tell us how they feel we have to judge their health the best we can and I think inevitably that can lead to us beating ourselves up but you did the very best you could and this isn't your fault. You obviously gave her a wonderful life ❤️
Sending strength and hugs, happy for anyone to DM me about coping with this, I know it's so hard. Xxx

I worked in a veterinary practice, fostered cats and ive had pets for a long time (cats mainly) sadly ive experienced a lot of losses but I truly believe that at the end our pets know that we loved them, I've been with animals who have been PTS without their owners and it's heartbreaking and so very different to when ive been with my own cats at the end.

It is completely normal to still feel sad.. in fact when one of my cat passed away I was unable to look at her fur clippings for over 2 years and I fostered cats for 4 years instead of getting another cat because I was just so sad however I lost a cat in July 2024 and got a new one in January 2025.

There is no logic with grieving and you just have to take each day as it comes and after time the sadness fades a little and becomes manageable so you can remember the good times.

I was part of a FB group Blue Cross pet loss community and it helped me quite a lot in the early days.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your little girl. You are right. She did know that you loved her. You couldn't have done anything different because you did what you thought was right at the time.

As for if what you're feeling is normal, I'd say definitely. I lost my little boy when he was 10 years old. He fell down the stairs and died. I'm not sure how he died because my husband yelled up to me to tell me to call the vet, took him to the car where he died before my husband could even pull out of the driveway and that was that.

How he died? I don't know. He fell, my husband found him and I never saw him again. I didn't even get to say goodbye. Husband took him to the vet and left him there to be buried. Husband hasn't told me to this day how he died. He can't talk about it without crying.

I kissed him about 20 minutes before all of this happened and told him I loved him because he was the best good boy. I thought he was feeling a bit jealous of our new puppy so I wanted him to remember he was my handsome, baby boy.

I blame myself every day and it's been 2 years in a week from now. I knew he was struggling up and down the stairs, despite being able to navigate them from puppyhood, he was starting to fall down a couple of steps but he was goofy so I never knew what was going on with him. I told him off for going on the steps. I carried him down and never let him go down on his own until that morning. He ran down the stairs because it was hailing and he wanted to grumble at the hail because he could see it through the entryway windows.

Despite this, I'd gotten another puppy literally the next day because I didn't want the other puppy to know that my boy had died and the vets told me that was the smartest, most courageous thing I could've done for both puppies. I didn't feel anything but numb. The newer puppy had stomach issues so I couldn't really bond with him between grief and vet trips.

For 6 months, I lost myself. My brother came to visit me from the US and I can't even remember most of the visit even though my boy had died 3 months prior. I went into a deep depression.

I'll never forget the sound of him falling. I'll never forgive myself for not putting a gate on the stairs when I knew it was starting to get weird for him. I'll never forgive myself for not protecting him more. He only weighed 1.9kg and he was my world. I think about him every single day.

Anyway, this is way longer than intended and the point was about you. Yes, what you're going through is normal. It gets better. Your precious girl died of old age and through no fault of your own. All she knew was love and you can think about that, over and over, until you start to heal.

I hope you feel better and better as the hours go by.

Thanks for sharing your girl with us.

My last dog lived till he was nearly 5 he died in 2015, I never got over it, that's just how it is - allow yourself to be sad, plant a tree or many trees for your companion, put pictures on walls, read about pet bereavement, use the Blue Cross bereavement service. Your feelings are entirely normal.

I have another dog now, he's been with us nearly 10 years and is currently unwell although maybe not seriously so. Nonetheless, if I lost him I don't know how I'd cope. That will be my bridge to cross when I come to it. At the time I had huge support here (2015) but not sure I'd get that now to be honest but anyway, I think posters are generally saying the same thing here, the feelings of loss are entirely normal. I'm glad you had time with your dog and gave her the best life you could.

You have my total sympathy.
Years ago, I rescued a beautiful Border Collie who had suffered abuse and was petrified of women and we worked on it and formed a huge, HUGE bond and she began feeling safe to be near women again.
I loved her with every inch of my being (I'd actually rescued her a few weeks after losing my 5th baby (3rd daughter) and I think that I actually poured a lot of my maternal love into her).

6 years ago when she was only 10, I was 200+ miles away from home when I got a late night phonecall telling me that "she's gone" - it was unexpected and I just remember that grief and regret and anger at myself hit me like a wall!! It still plays badly on my mind now even though my husband and the vet both said that they believe that she'd held on until I was away from home as her way to protect me.

Even now, 6 years later and with two other rescue Border Collies who I absolutely dote on and dedicate my life to, I still miss my first girl so deeply sometimes that it really hurts.

I'm sorry you're going through this but the pain does ease.
You never forget and you never stop loving them but you do move past it x

Ah it's something I dread when the time comes for my 16yo boy, I think to have spent so many years with them and it's an awful decision to PTS, just over 5 weeks is no time at all, you had 16 years and can't expect to be over it in less than a few months, be kind to yourself and remember there is no time limit for grieving.

it is fine to still feel sad. Don't feel bad about it. There is no timeline on when you should feel better.
My dog died in January after over 15 years of being in my life. I am still utterly devastated. I cry every day.
it is easy to feel guilt about things such as was it the right time, or did you do enough. In both of our cases, we had elderly dogs, and sadly dogs do not live as long as us. When my mind turns to guilt, I try and thing of the happy times. Taking her on holiday and seeing her run on the beach. Enjoying her favourite treats. All the cuddles we had on the sofa.

I totally understand the bit you said about it feeling like you never had her. I felt that too. It was like having her was just a dream.

If you have not already seen it, I can recommend the Blue Cross pet loss group on FB.
Be kind to yourself. You did the right thing.

Thank you so much to everyone for sharing your experiences and being so open and honest about what happened and how you felt and feel now.

I appreciate it so much and I am so sorry to read of all of the losses here, that everyone has endured. Sending love to everyone.

I think she was such a part of my life, every waking moment really, for all those years, and it just seems so unbelievable that she's gone.

I know she had a lovely life, and I know she lived to a good age and I thought these things would comfort me and make it more bearable, and I suppose in time they will. However this physical feeling of shock, disbelief and sadness will take a while to subside I think.

I will try and just take my time - I was feeling like I should be feeling better, as I think after a week or two most people stop asking if you're ok, or mentioning what happened, so you just try and carry on.

At first I had a strange need to go over and over the events of the last night and that morning at the vet. Like I couldn't quite remember it but needed to remember every detail. Thankfully that has subsided a little.

Thanks everyone. It means so much to hear from people who understand.

LaLaFlottes I'm truly sorry for your loss. Unfortunately I totally get what you're going through.
It's 4:15 am, I've hardly slept tonight. This is the time I'd awake automatically to give our dog her heart medication. We had her put to sleep 6 hours ago after her heart disease had significantly progressed. She was struggling to breathe. Was "air hungry". She couldn't settle in a comfortable position. She was so tired. We'd taken her to the vets earlier in the evening and given advice which included upping her diuretic dose and monitoring her. On arriving home, she was still really struggling two hours later. A phone call to the vet resulted in him and a nurse arriving to check on her and inform us it was her ime.
Everything about it was peaceful. She was placed on our laps, she would have felt our presence, heard us right to the end.
So here I am, missing lying in an awkward position because our dog was right in-between us on the bed. Waking up to give her the medication. Feeling pain in my heart like nothing else but knowing it was the right thing to do. Why do I also feel a sense of relief? Surely that's selfish?
I have been talking about our beautiful Ruby, a Cavalier King Charles spaniel. She was 10.5 years old. A cheeky soul. Her eyes melted anyone who looked into them. She was our complete world. A world which now has the biggest hole in. We now live for the days when we can remember her and smile again. Til then, the grief will overwhelm us.

Oh @Pitstop66 I am so very sorry to hear of your loss of Ruby. It’s excruciating isn’t it?
I am 6 weeks into this and struggling with the permanence of the situation and missing my little side kick so much.
Sending you so much love. Your cheeky little soul, Ruby, sounds so very loved.