Not sure whether I am ready for a puppy

[Puppy11]

We had a golden retriever who we put to sleep last month. He was 14 and we miss him. We had him as a puppy but I quite quickly after had a newborn baby. Dh was working from home and did most of the work with the puppy. I very quickly got postnatal depression quite badly which lasted maybe 18 months/ 2 years. The dog moved to my parents because I couldn't cope. I got better, dog came back and he settled well. Not great socialisation skills but that was totally our fault.
Fast forward the dog is no longer here, 13 yo dd is absolutely desperate for another, dh does want one but says its up to me. Ds 18 isn't bothered
I dont know what to do, I really didn't experience the puppy years before. Im nervous of it biting me when teething. I loved our dog but im not overly confident with other dogs. Dh is now working full time, im at home and its down to me. Im worried I might get overwhelmed and puppy blues and feel like I did when I had pd.
Am I overthinking this. Dd is distraught and the fact we might not get another dog and I really am not sure what to do.

Would you consider a slightly older dog instead? Puppies are incredibly hard, and it’s a good 18-24 months before they calm down a bit. It sounds like an older dog might slot in better with you?

I was thinking about that but I've also heard some horror stories where it hasn't worked out. My brother actually got a rescue dog but ended up with lots of issues and bit his neighbour quite badly and had to be put to sleep. So im a little bit cautious but agree an older dog would probably suit better

I would look at "Borrow my Dog" to give DD access to a dog and you time to decide.
You don't have to get a puppy if you do decide to get another dog - and I feel that might be best for you.

If you feel unsure about getting a puppy then don't get a puppy!

They are such hard work. For me it felt worse than having a human baby. They need watching constantly, toilet training, general training, socialising and they can't be left alone to start with. One of our dogs, as a puppy, was just bonkers! Always on the go, never rested, constantly wanted attention and was VERY bitey. It took up so much of our time and energy and it was draining. I constantly questioned what the fuck have we done? Like you, literally everything was down to me as I was the one at home while DH and kids were at school. And the novelty for the kids wore off after a while and they would come home from school, spend half an hour playing with the dog and winding it up and then would sod off upstairs. We had constant battles and arguments about them fulfilling their responsibilities and it was generally awful for a while.

Yes she has now grown into the most amazing adult dog who we all adore and the perfect family pet but it took a lot of work to get her there.

Puppies are a long commitment and your 13 year old may sod off to uni in 5 years time and it will be you and your DH left to take care of it.

There are so many dogs in rescue that need a good home and they are not all old dogs. Go somewhere reputable and the staff will be able to match you with one that meets your needs.

Just because you know someone who had a bad experience doesn't mean that will happen to you. I know loads of people who have taken on rescues that have had fantastic experiences. Similarly not all puppies are hard work like ours was but at least with a rescue dog you will kind of know what you are getting.

It sounds like you absolutely don’t want one, so since it sounds like you would be doing all the work it doesn’t matter what anyone else wants, say no. And I say this from the pov of someone who has fostered a lot of puppies and currently has one with her- they are a lot of work, need a huge amount of mental effort, and even though I’m not working atm it really takes it out of you

Sounds like you aren't at all keen for another. A child being absolutely desperate for one is no reason to go ahead when it's not in the dog's best interests or the family as a whole. They are such a huge tie and cost, the difficulties they can bring can really upset a calm household, at least initially. Definitely wait until you are sure. Your child can sponsor a kennel at a rescue, volunteer (with you) with Borrow my Doggy and learn that many things in life are not about their needs and wants. Best of luck.

If your having to ask the question in the first place then it really is a no

it’s a shame your brother had a bad experience but tbh I know a few people who have had rescues and it’s been a fantastic success

If you’re already having doubts, I’d say no.
Maybe contact some rescues and see if they have anything a little older who is child friendly? Worth a try.

We are a very doggy family and I still get dreadful puppy blues every time we get a pup. Pups are hard work and you do go through phases where you feel like you will be trapped forever with a bitey, destructive (albeit adorable) little arsehole 😂

After our last pup, I said I can’t do it again. We will probably go for an older rescue next time.

If your reasons would mostly be so your DD isn't upset I wouldn't do it. I was desperate for a dog as a kid, but my Dad refused as he doesn't like them. I got my first dog aged 30 after buying my house and it was a big highlight in my life. It's hard work owning a dog if you're not fully committed though, so in hindsight my Dad was absolutely right to say no.

I think the whole family have to really want a dog (especially a puppy). Your DD will have to understand that she can’t always have what she wants.

I like the idea of a dog around the house but I think I just miss my dog and a puppy is not the same thing. I've been reading the puppy survival thread and it sounds hard work and quite shit at times.
Maybe I'll consider the adoption route a bit more. I know there are some great success stories and some people have fantastic experiences.

Ime nobody is ever ready for a dpuppy...
We lost 3 of our ddogs last year. Absolutely devastating
. Left our last ddog depressed.. Tried 3 rescues.. We have dcats so got refused at all 3.
We got a dpuppy.
Bloody nightmare she is.
She's 6 months now and no signs of flagging...

It's too soon after Ddog for another one, let alone a puppy. Give yourself a few months breathing space.

God no don't bother! This is my third and final and no way can i do it again. And I have pugs which everyone thinks of as lazy fuckers but are as puppies absolutely feral.

Unless DD is going to pay for it, walk it, feed it, train it and otherwise look after it…she doesn’t really get a say. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but 99.9% children love the idea of a dog until they have to take any responsibility for it - and even then, it’s always the adult that shoulders most, if not all, of the responsibility.

Rescue dogs are not without their (serious, in many cases) challenges. And, as with a puppy, it requires the whole family to be in. No one should ever be pressured to get a dog unless they can fully commit.

Sorry about your boy. A month is nothing when it comes to losing a dog. Perhaps wait and see what life brings you over the next few months - dogs, even rescues but more so puppies, are life changing. Most importantly, you deserve to be able to grieve properly - not being placed under pressure to get another dog.

Dh agrees we can't just get a dog because dd is upset and wants one. I just hate to see her so desperate and me stopping it but you are all right. Even if she thinks she will help she will in the school holidays but then it will be me all the time and a quick hour or so after school from her.
Maybe a goldfish would suit better😂

If you are uncertain, don't do it. The last time we went through the puppy phase, I got pretty worn down and stressed by it, even though I was 200% certain I wanted him, and even though our two children were grown and I was working part-time and from home.

I had the best possible set up, and he was the loveliest, most problem-free puppy. But he still exhausted us. Everything felt harder than I had remembered it from the previous time round. I'm pretty sure that was an illusion, but it was a compelling one.

None of the exhaustion and stress got me depressed, because I knew we were doing the right thing for us (and him). But any ambivalence would have made things hard to bear.

If you have just lost an old dear dog, that makes the puppy phase worse in some respects. One of the things I remember most clearly from my current dog's puppyhood is how lonely he made me feel, because he hadn't learnt any of the things that could make him a companion.

My dear old dead dog had known every part of my routine and body language, and it made me feel that he was really tuned in to me. It felt like understanding, empathy, intimacy. (I know that interpretation involved a bit of anthropomorphising, but there is also some truth in it). In contrast, my puppy felt like a total self-absorbed egotist with absolutely zero sensitivity towards me except as a source of treats and fun.

I knew that would change in time, but it was still very sad. You have only just lost your old dog. I think you need to give yourself quite a lot more time before beginning to think about whether you can welcome an upstart into the space left behind by your dog.

I 100% understand how you’re feeling, I’ve been putting a lot of thought into getting a puppy eventually. I know I’m not quite ready for a puppy yet. I’ve had dogs for years and know I won’t ever be without one. But I do hate that overwhelming feeling of the reality when you get home with the puppy it’s sort of a feeling or anxiety and stress it can all feel to much. It can be an horrible feeling, And you think what have I done. I just want to go back to normal. If I’m being honest.
I know I’ll love a puppy but it’s got to be the right one and the right time more importantly. And I’ve mentally got to be as prepared as I can be. I can’t expect it not to be overwhelming. So what I’m trying to say is give yourself some time, take the pressure off, you might find the right dog finds you x
hugs x

I wouldn’t get a dog unless I really wanted one as it will all fall to you. It’s a 15 year commitment and your kids will be gone soon. I would consider adopting an older dog 8-10 yrs maybe? Many become homeless due to aged owners and people want to adopt young dogs.

Getting a dog needs everyone in the house to be completely on board. It sounds like there will be minimal help from others and the lions share will fall on you. You don’t seem 100% on board so I really don’t think you should get a puppy under these circumstances. An older rescue dog might be better but that isn’t risk free. You can’t be led by the feelings of a 13 year old you will probably have minimal involvement in managing the puppy and likely get bored quite quickly. As others have suggested could you try any local dog walking schemes who help out where the owner can’t manage Walks for what ever reason. Do it with your DD every time and this will test how much she really is interested in having a dog - I’ll guess it won’t last long as it will interfere with her other activities / contact with friends and it isn’t your family pet who she is grieving for. The fact you are asking suggests you really aren’t convinced and therefore the answer should be no.

Ah I agree with everyone else, don't get a puppy. We waited 6 years before getting another dog- who is now nearly 5. I could have happily given him up at any point during those first 6 months! .... whilst I love him to pieces, honestly, when he goes I won't be having another. I'll just dote on everyone else's!

From what you've said, the only real motivation is to please your DD which, is understandable, but not advisable.

Could you get a cat, instead, or a hamster or some other animal which doesn't require the maintenance of a dog? Fish are nice and they can end up being a hobby with all the accessories you can buy for them, different fish types, etc.

But, also, kids always want a lot of things because they know we parents pick up the slack when they can't or won't and a dog can't have slack. They need a dedicated companion and it just doesn't sound like something you're ready for which is ok.

I am dreading this with our 11 yo dog and youngest DS. He loves the dog so much, but I will need a break when she goes.

Unfortunately I have a fear of cats so thats not a possibility. Not too keen on hamsters or anything like that either.
I've had a good think about what everyone has said and im just not ready for a puppy. I told her we would review it next year but for now its a no