Lost our gorgeous girl on Friday

[Dazedandconfus]

Good morning. We lost our darling girl on Friday morning. She was 15 years and 9 months old.
She had been declining a bit for a while, we were managing cushings and gall bladder issues and I was starting to think it would be time to have a conversation with the vet soon, however during the night on Thursday she began being sick and it didn't stop. We took her to the vet who believed this wasn't a normal tummy upset and was related to her gallbladder mucocele which we had been managing with tablets.

She was put to sleep and although it was one of the worst times of my life, it was in fact peaceful to see her little body relax and let go of the discomfort and pain she was in.

I am struggling now. I am not doing terribly, I think because of her age I knew this day wasn't far off, but what I was not prepared for was the quiet in the house. The pain of her not being here and the sadness at knowing exactly which part of our daily routine I would be doing right now if she was still here.

I work from home, DH works at an office and DD is at Uni so we were a little pair day in day out and I loved her to bits.

I've joined a facebook pet bereavement group, and it's very kind, but to be honest, everyone is so beside themselves with sadness, that I can't find much in the way of practical advise, or stories of how it got better for people.

I am a worrier and I also go over and over things in my head. I remembered the vet had suggested a supplement to support her liver, and I didn't get it as she then improved at the time and now feel awful as maybe it would have made her more comfortable. I think of any time that I could have given her more attention. It feels like I ignored her for chunks of the day, but in reality she was sleeping most of the days away. I keep thinking of the what ifs, and how I should have been better.

DD has been at Uni for a while now and DH and I did say that we have never really had the freedom that can come from children becoming independent as we would never leave our dog for more than a couple of hours, and if we went away we would have a pet sitter but worry about our dog a lot. I suppose a part of me was thinking it would be nice to have that freedom and to be able to be spontaneous. Now I feel awful, as if I was hoping for this to happen and I would happily never leave the house again if I could have her back,

I will miss our daily routines and little walks. I feel so sad. I would appreciate words of encouragement and tips and things that have perhaps helped other people.

So sorry for such a long post.

So sorry for your loss OP. Please don’t be hard on yourself, you gave her the best life possible and that’s a wonderful age. Let yourself feel the grief, cry when you need too. They are our best friends and it’s devastating when they go.
What time was she fed in the morning or go for walks? How about using that time to sit and have a coffee, or take a walk yourself. Create a memorial space, somewhere you can pause and take a breath.
I have a cat, she’s nearly 19 and I’m definitely going to find it unbelievably hard when she goes and too miss all the little things and routines.
Sending you a big hug, fly high beautiful girl 🌈

Thanks so much @UnsocialButterflyy I appreciate your reply.
I work from home a lot and she was my constant companion. I think I will still walk at lunch times and just take that time, like you suggest.

I've actually just been to see her one last time at the crematorium. I wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do, but once I knew it was an option, I thought it probably was a good thing for me.

It was actually really lovely. I think it might have helped a little with the shock of her not being here, as I saw her, spoke to her and really took in what had happened. At the vets I told her how much we loved her and that she was a good girl, as they were putting her to sleep, but it was through so much shock and tears it felt unfinished.

It's just so bloody hard. The house is so quiet and I keep feeling like I'm panicking as the realisation hits that she will never be here again.

I do hope your cat stays by your side for as long as possible. They definitely work their way right into our hearts don't they?

Im so sorry for your loss op. I had similar thoughts when I lost my boy over 2 years ago and the guilt consumed me. It gets easier and you much remind yourself of all the positives you did for your girl. Best wishes

I lost my gorgeous collie a few years ago, he was only 10 and had to be PTS because of cancer. He was out constant companion and so very much loved. For the first couple of weeks we said no to having another dog then all of a sudden missing the companionship and routine of walking him became too much. We decided to get another dog but agreed not to get the same breed. Six weeks later she arrived. It was the best decision we ever made. We’ll never forget our first boy, we still have his ashes and collar but having a new dog is lovely.

Oh I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss and I totally understand how incredibly tough it is whether it’s expected or not.
I know It’s such a cliche but honestly the only thing that helped me was knowing that it would get easier in time. I’ve lost all 3 of my dogs in the last 4 years and each time the grief hit hard. I was at home full time due to chronic illness and they were my constant companions so the quietness in the house after each loss was simply awful.
I think for me acceptance and knowledge that the intense stage of grief would pass and although I’d always miss them, it does gradually become more bearable in time and hurts a little less.
Its very very early days for you and honestly right now, just take it one day, one hour at a time even and try to accept that the waves of grief will hit you.
The phrase ‘ grief is the price we pay for love’ brought me some comfort.

Practical tips are Distraction in whatever form can help, keep busy doing something, anything.
When you feel able, think of a way to remember your beautiful girl, print out a favourite photo or chose a plant for the garden in her memory. I planted forget me not seeds for mine. There are lots of memorial type jewellery around if that appeals. I bought my DD a simple paw print charm for her Pandora bracelet but lots of ideas on Etsy too.
Take Care of yourself and remember your girl absolutely knew she was loved.

I felt after 3 losses in 3 years, I couldn’t even think about another dog. The losses felt too much.
A few months later I joined ‘ borrow my doggy’ and formed a lovely friendship with a local lady who needed help now and then looking after her little dog. That little chaps constantly wagging tail and enthusiasm for fetch reminded me how much joy they bring to our lives. Ten months on, I now have a little rescue sausage dog snoozing happily on my lap.

We lost our girl about a month ago. I also struggled with the level of raw grief on those types of groups

I would describe the loss of our dog as a clean stab to the abdomen, mightily painful but healing well. Unlike others where there was trauma around the end, our wounds seem to be healing cleanly and I think mostly because her passing was peaceful. At the time it seemed incredibly difficult to make the decision but actually in hindsight its probably the decision I'm most proud of in my whole life

We struggled a lot in the early days, it seemed so empty and like there were reminders of her everywhere, all our routines changed in a flash. We gave ourselves a few days to completely grieve then slowly started to emerge into nice walks, and normality

The last week or so we talk of her often with joy and gladness of the life we shared, and less pain. There are still things that pop up that bring a tear to our eyes but I do feel much more healed, and much more full of misplaced love rather the pain/hollowness at the start

She was such a smashing girl who took up so much space in our hearts and lives that of course it will take time to stop falling in the holes they leave behind but you'll get there

As with any of those groups the people that need support are the most vocal. A few weeks ago I was reading lots of posts, reaching out etc but as we've settled i have needed them less and withdrawn. The people that are doing ok tend to withdraw, while those still in pain post frequently

Thank you everyone - this is so helpful and it's so useful and calming to hear your views and experiences.

I just have these massive moments where the realisation engulfs me that she's gone and never coming back. It just seems so unbelievable.

I am having so much trouble not blaming myself for various things. Now thinking we should have acted sooner as she had declined recently, but we didn't make that decision and then disaster struck and we ended up with her being pts at the vets.

I would have a loved a calm and good last day. However I know on the flip side I would have struggled to pick a day and make that decision as on Wednesday she was great, Thursday under the weather, Thursday night bit worse, early hours of Friday clearly very unwell and then vet at 9am.

Do you think just your presence makes dogs know they are loved? She slept so much but always near my chair. She came on the sofa sometimes but often wanted to get off as she was too hot, but she stayed close by.

She knew she was loved. I was the same I wfh and didnt pay him loads of attention etc but we do that every day with people. Think of her being near you and she knew you were there when she needed you. We all make mistakes etc. My boy wasnt even 7 when he passed and I wish id have seen a specialist etc but we do what we can at the time. She was nearly 16! She was ready

Would you like to tell us about her ?

What is her name
and what type of dog ?

and if you could bear it, a photo ?

your life as you knew it changed overnight, your routine.

If you do go for a walk at your usual time, be aware that you may come across other people who know you and your dog, and you will have to say why you are walking without her.

Absolutely your presence will have made her feel safe, calm and loved.
I think your guilt and could I have done it differently is a normal reaction given the way she declined suddenly. My eldest dog I talk about upthread, we chose the day, we knew when it would be. It was still stressful, I was heartbroken before she’d gone, knowing she was going the next day. Everything we did was for a last time. I found that hard though it was best for the dog. I still felt guilty.
My littlest girl I lost last year was a similar story to yours, knew she had a heart condition and we wouldn’t have long but a sudden decline meaning pts in vets office. I also felt guilty, should we have gone out of hours, the day before? But we made the decisions we thought were the right ones at the time and so did you. You acted as soon as you saw the decline. A day earlier likely wouldn't have made any difference.
Guess I’m trying to say it’s hard however it happens. Be kind to yourself.

So sorry. Our last dog was put to sleep in January at age 14. Our other dog was put to sleep in September 2024 at 15. It was clear it was time for both of them. My DD is also at uni and my son has his own home. It is strange, I wfh very part time for myself so my routine has gone out the window. But I do have two Maine Coons, which are great. They are big, one is quite dog like in that he’ll curl up next to you on the sofa and loves belly rubs and makes his presence known! I can leave them for up to two nights (they have a cat flap) or be out all day without worry. I come home and they are waiting for me. No walks but they are a great halfway between the high maintenance of a dog and having nothing. They do make the house a home. Something to consider.
Im sure your dog knew she was loved. You were her world, and your presence was what she wanted most. I still look around for the dog when I have a tasty piece of bacon left, I sometimes think I can feel her presence at the end of the bed (it’s often a cat now). I also call one of my cats her name occasionally. I had her cremated and we will take the ashes of both dogs to the beach that they loved. I won’t get another for the time being, the cats are enough.

@Dazedandconfusaw I’m so glad you got to see her one last time. They definitely do! Take care of yourself x

@OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon

She was a border terrier cross and her name was Lady.
She came to us age 6 when her first owner became ill with Alzheimer’s and had to go into care.
She’s the only dog we’ve ever had and she was an absolute cracker. Made us laugh with her antics and gave us so much joy over the years.
Hopefully these pictures upload. The one with the feather stuck to her nose was just on Wednesday on our last walk.

@mondaytosunday so sorry for your losses too. Your cats sound fabulous. I love animals and the way they make a house a home. Other than Lady we have only had smaller furries - hamsters and guinea pigs, when my daughter was younger.
It did cross my mind about a cat - maybe in time we can look into that. I know nothing about them really though. Are they best in pairs do you think?

@TodayIsatrickyone thank you that makes sense and I think you're right, no way is easy. Sorry you have gone through this, it really is brutal. I think it's their innocence that makes it feel worse.

@Helplessandheartbroke so sorry for your loss too. You're right, we do what we can at the time. I was home loads, she slept loads, but I was there for her. I'm sure you were for your boy too.

@Moll2020 that's lovely you are happy with your new dog. I wish you many years of fun adventures.

@TodayIsatrickyone thank you so much. You are right it's the quietness that hits hard. Forget me Nots sound lovely. I will have a think about nice things to do. I was thinking about a photobook maybe. We have so many pictures of her which is nice.
I've just been reading all the posts and see that you now have a little rescue which sounds adorable.

I hope I've replied to everyone. This is helping me so much. I miss her so much the sadness is just deep at the moment. I know it will ease and will hang on to that thought.

Oh she’s just beautiful @Dazedandconfus I think ‘ this will pass’ became my motto and it absolutely did. I miss them all, every single day but in time I was able to smile when I looked at photos without the same gut wrenching ache of the early days.

@TodayIsatrickyone I will take that as my motto too, thank you.

It's such a rollercoaster. As at times I feel reasonably calm, can appreciate her age and that it was her time. Then the waves of grief come in where I start questioning everything I ever did and all I can think it "my girl has gone".

I have been able to look back at photos. I thought it might be too painful but in fact I'm finding it therapeutic to see the memories over the years.

It's been a long lonely day today. I work from home mostly but will go into the office tomorrow for a chance and company. Hopefully I can keep it together.

Aww she is lovely ! Thank you for sharing Lady with us.

She was a very lucky girl to be adopted by you after the loss of her original owner - I guess she has now passed away and she must have watched from Heaven and seen how happy and loved Lady was.
and now they are together.

@OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon you're very welcome - it was nice to be able to share her picture so all the lovely people helping me can see her and her wee face. She was just a happy go lucky little love.

Her previous owner sadly passed fairly soon after Lady came to us. I had always said for the family to take Lady to see her any time they wanted to but I think the decline was quite rapid. I like the thought that they are together again, as she was definitely cherished by her previous family too.

I had been saying for a while that I thought we might not have that long left, but I don't think I was really taking it in.