When is the right time to say goodbye?

[hiredandsqueak]

Bella is 16 she was rescued at 8 and had had a pretty awful life until then. She is very much loved and as fit as a fiddle for an elderly dog according to the vet. She still runs and jumps, has zoomies, enjoys her walks and loves her food. She has some dementia now which has manifested itself in toiletting accidents. We are managing them mostly successfully by doing as you would a puppy who hasn't yet mastered being asked to be let out although Bella still does that too but not often enough. We have also had to put her bed in a pen overnight with access to a puppy pad as it was stressful not knowing what I might get up to. So it's managed for now and she is happy as far as I can tell but when do you know that it's time?

Bella sounds happy at the moment so I wouldn't stress just yet. If her appetite decreases significantly, that's a clear sign.

I think if she isn't showing signs of pain or like she's tired of it all, then she is probably OK for now, but definitely monitor her.

Try and be honest with yourself about the signs of pain too, such as excessive panting when not exercising or hot etc.

Many do say that "you'll know" when its the right time, but I'm not convinced that's true. We are dog people and sadly have lost a few dogs over the years and it's just the worst bit.
I fully believe that euthanasia is the kindest gift to prevent suffering at the end (especially since I worked in end of life care) , but my dh seems to struggle with the concept more and it definitely dragged out longer than I think was fair for his dogs.

I lost my almost 16 year old a couple of months ago. Like you, I was struggling with the right time although it did become clear in the end with worsening mobility/falls, incontinence and a new symptom which we just couldn’t get under control. She was still eating enthusiastically right up until the end but this is not a good indicator of health/happiness if food is the only enjoyment they have, it’s not a great quality of life if they’re struggling with everything else.

From what you’ve said it doesn’t sound like it’s time just yet, if she’s still enjoying walks and can safely move around.

Having said that, dealing with worsening incontinence is extremely difficult if it’s happening day after day. It can become very wearing on the owner if the house is constantly covered in wee and poo.

How often is she having accidents?

It sounds as if she still has some control over her bladder/bowels - I think when they lose that, it's time.

I lost my dear old dog a couple of years ago and this question is such a hard one. I look back some days and think we did it too late, some days too early and I know many other people feel this way too.

I've been trying to think of ways that I will do things differently next time and have come up with a couple. They might be helpful or they might be complete rubbish but I thought I'd share them.

Next time I will keep a diary and take little videos so that I can compare properly and see clearly how my pup is doing. I think when you're with your dog every day (and so in love with them) you don't notice the day to day changes. I think I might also ask a trusted friend and dog person to give me their really honest advice. Perhaps have regular vet check ups, say every three months.

Perhaps I'm being too scientific and I will ignore all this next time.

Sounds like your Bella has fallen on her feet with you OP and has and is having the best, most loved time.

I think youbhave to consider your own quality of life as well as Bellas. My husband was resistant to the idea of euthanasia and it definitely had a significant impact on my quality of life. I had to go to work everyday in a job where mistakes cause patient deaths on disturbed sleep due to the dementia and sundowning. Couldn't relax in the evenings due to toileting accidents, couldn't leave him unattended for more than a couple of hours, couldn't leave him overnight with a sitter as we'd done previously. I definitely still hold a resentment for those 6 months of dubious quality of life for a dog being prioritised over my mental health. Better a couple of months early than a day late

Our little dog was 15 with dementia, she wasn’t having accidents but she was having increasing long periods where she was very confused, even to the point that she didn’t know who we were, it was heartbreaking for her and us.
The vet wanted her to have brain scans, tests etc but we said no because she was never going to be cured and her distress caused by the dementia was not something we wanted her to live with.

I do think once a dog is becoming distressed, that’s the time to say goodbye.x

You do know when it’s time. Dogs generally like their environment to be clean so will signal that they want to go outside, it must be unpleasant for them when they have an accident indoors.
I'm firmly in the camp of going a little early rather than a moment too late, it doesn’t make it any easier though.

Not every day and not every night but it would be more often if I wasn't taking her out hourly I think. So nothing in the day yesterday and nothing overnight and nothing so far but a poo in the day Friday and a wee on the puppy pad overnight.

Too early and only it’s really you that suffers, the pet knows nothing. Too late, or once you’ve realised it should have been done already, it’s the pet which is suffering and you have guilt and grief to deal with.

I’d talk to your vet, but if you do feel the end is coming, book an appointment for a months time. Then the decision bit is made. If a week out you really feel it’s still not yet the time, push it back another couple of weeks/month.

We do have the vet out for this sort of euthanasia so have to plan like this in advance but also I think doing it this way gives you some acceptance of the inevitable, whereas having to make a more rushed decision is harder to do (or recognise?)!until it is too late.

Such a difficult question and maybe different for different people to some degree.

We had to make the decision for my old dog of 17.5 2 years ago now ( similar circumstances, dementia, gradual worsening of incontinence but active, affectionate etc.) and I kept thinking we’d know but looking back, I’m not sure I really did. I tried to think is she still having a reasonable quality of life? Not in pain, mobility okay, etc.. Sounds like your girl currently has a decent quality of life still so you're perhaps not there yet but good to have a plan. I think as someone else said keeping a diary, little videos is a good plan, regular vet check ups.

I have to be honest, the last 6 months gradual deterioration were tough both to watch and cope with. She slept in our room and I was woken up every night by her being unsettled as the dementia worsened. I was on constant alert for signs of pain, symptoms worsening, constantly encouraging her to make sure she was eating enough. The incontinence did get worse. She’d been by my side through years of chronic illness and I was determined to do the same for her.
Eventually though we could see her quality of life declining and new signs such as pacing, wobbly back legs, sleeping much more, lack of appetite told us it was now definitely time. My SIL gently said if you’re questioning is it time, it probably means it is. I think in hindsight, it was maybe time a little sooner but we did what we thought was best for her. We had her put to sleep at home, in our arms. One of the hardest but kindest things I’ve ever had to do.