anyone here for a handhold..

[babyproblems]

On Tuesday I have to take my little dog to the vets for the last time…I’m heartbroken. it’s not my first rodeo as I’ve had many rescues all oldies; so I know what to expect; but this one is particularly hard.. he’s actually been with me the least amount of time but he’s gotten into my heart like no other.

I am so so sad.
I adopted him at 15, a tiny skeletal 2.5kgs of skin and bone. blind, deaf, picked up by the police in a terrible state. Really he came to me from the rescue center for the very end; they couldn’t manage his care in a typical shelter setting and thought he would be obviously able to go more comfortably in a bed in a warm home etc. But then we’ve spent nearly three years together. I assembled a small team of wonderful vets and although he has a lot of health issues, caused by the neglect he suffered for years before he came to me, we really managed to improve his health and he was mostly quite stable. We’ve found a way through together and he has really schooled me in resilience against the odds, about stability and just how to keep going and enjoying the moments of happiness and joy even when things aren’t all great.

I love him so much and I’ll miss him so so so much. I just wondered if there was anyone here to listen 😭💔

I'm so sorry. The love you have with an animal really is like no other. It sounds like you gave him a wonderful time.

@OneAndDon3 thanks for replying.. it’s horrible and now it’s Sunday night and the weekend is over I feel like I’m watching the clock countdown to our appointment 💔😞
i know it’s a kindness and his quality of life now isn’t good enough, I thought I’d be ok with it when his time came but really I’m broken 😞

Oh bless him. Poor little mite, he sounds a real trooper and he's lucky to have found a home with you and to know your love.

It's so, so hard when they go. I've only had a few dogs but my second dog was a rescue in my teens. He turned up as a stray and I didn’t know what I know now about training dogs or have the decision-making power that I do now, so although in hindsight I wish we'd done things differently, I loved him so much and I still think about him 25 years later.

Very sad reading your post; it sounds like you’ve given him a loving and joyful home for far longer than was ever anticipated - you are clearly a great dog mum especially to take on a chap with those needs! I hope with time the sadness will ease and you’ll remember the good times. He sounds like a really special dog and they do live on in our hearts and memories. Will think of you on Tuesday and be kind to yourself.

So sorry OP. I hope you can hold onto the fact that you gave him a happy ending to his life, and I’m sure he knows how loved he is. It takes a really special person to adopt and oldie and give them love. Hugs to you ❤️

Thankyou for all your replies, it’s comforting to feel less alone. he likes to be in a sunbeam. This weekend I’ve been moving his bed around so he can feel the sun ❤️ not that we’ve had much of it but the bit we did have

Do you believe in reincarnation? I think your dear friend has worked off a lot of karma in this life, and will be reborn as a happy being who has all their senses and will be able to experience life more fully. And perhaps will even come back to you, in one way or another.

Forgive me if this is too woo woo for you, but as a very baseline thing I am sure the spirit of your little friend will be around and will be thanking you profoundly for the friendship you have shared. 💕

Oh 🥺🥺 I’m sorry op

you changed his life and I am sure he is so grateful to you and loves you just as much. Wish you both a calm night together, and a peaceful time for him in doggy heaven - which I imagine for him, will be just like the home you gave him, only with permenant sun ❤️

@weirdoboelady i don’t know to be honest. I probably don’t believe in reincarnation as such but I do believe we are all part of the world and you can’t really ‘destroy’ anything because all matter becomes matter in another form, so I suppose that is a sort of reincarnation. It’s very comforting to think he might come back to me though in some way..
he’s never been able to really express himself at all so other than be ‘at peace’ with me for example being calm and cosy in a cuddle , I’ve never really had any obvious love back from his side. It sounds strange because he is a dog but he’s never licked or shown me any of that kind of affection because he can’t. I hope he knows I love him and I hope he has felt love and felt like he is ‘home’.. I’ve tried so hard to show him what love is - to help him feel
love despite all his lack of senses - because I don’t think he had much of it in his previous life. x

I am so pleased you found each other.

"And when it comes time to put him to his final rest, knowing that an irreplaceable part of your heart will follow him, you will do so knowing that you loved him."

And I suspect, in his own way, he loved you just as much.

Thankyou for your lovely words. Death is so final and it feels like I’m about to lose a part of myself. @Crunched that’s a more comforting way of seeing it.. like he is not going alone. On one hand it’s a kindness to PTS when they no longer have any quality of life, but on the other hand it feels barbaric. Hard to not feel guilt even though I know it’s time now. My grandma was a huge dog lover and she would’ve absolutely loved him. He came into my life just as hers was ending with Alzheimer’s.. she’s passed now a few years ago but I imagine her in heaven waiting for him..that’s also comforting if not completely dolally xxx

Have you ever stopped to think how blessed and lucky he was to have found you against the odds? I adopt oldies as well and every time I get my heart broken and I say ‘never again’ another needy homeless dog comes into our lives ❤️❤️ he won’t be scared as long as you’re with him xx

Been there, done that 💔
It always seems like the right thing to do doesn’t it? An older dog, awful life, you can take them on for a short retirement. Show them how life should be, give them some love, you won’t get “too attached” because they won’t be with you for long and you knew what you were taking on. Right?
Wrong! These older dogs who have suffered so much somehow just….hook into your soul. And, they rally. Which is great. Some good food, good medical care and love and what you thought might be a few months turns into a few years. And you cherish every minute. And they do too. And they…wheedle into your heart in a way that is just indescribable.
And when it’s time? Your heart bloody breaks in a way you swore it wouldn’t when you agreed to adopt them.
But, you love them, so you give them the last gift you can, a peaceful goodbye, safe with you by their side. It’s the last thing you can do for him.
Sending massive hugs op, it’s the shitest, most awful thing. But it’s the right thing for him and you’ve always done that xxx

@Buildingthefuture yes.. he is number 6 for me.. ❤️ but particularly hard because of where we started from - such a low bar. I do think we came a long way in our nearly three years together and I knew this day would come.. I naively thought this time would be easier because it felt like we were always on such borrowed time. But it’s actually even harder!!!

@DogsandFlowers well what can you do but fill the dog shaped hole in your heart with another.. it was so bad for me, I decided I’d always have two so that I’d never be without one 😆 so I do have a second who is a bit younger at 10 to keep me going Xo

I think it’s much harder because you absolutely pour love into them, because it’s love that helps them heal. And when the time comes all that love is so heartbreaking, but you’d do it all over again if it meant they could live a few more good days, weeks or months. I hope you have a lovely time with him for the next couple of days. I have no doubt he has felt loved and cherished by you.

Quite right, there’s always a needy dog that needs a loving home I miss all my dogs that have passed but I never seem to learn 🙄🤗

‘Won’t get attached this time’
Every single time!!!!
❤️

@Jellycatspyjamas i think you are right.. Ive loved all my dogs but this one has been so différent. I know him inside out, I can tell by his body language if he needs a wee or a drink. I’ve been so ‘alert’ to his needs for the last three years it’s going to be a shock to not have to constantly be monitoring him and what he needs. They always leave a hole but I feel this one will be huge as he took up so much space in my day to day. You have to try and see it a success story - which is what it is ultimately - even though it doesn’t feel like success to me at this moment in time. Xo

Oh, I pretend every time it will be easier, because I knew we wouldn’t have long! It is never true 💔 your lovely boy in his cute jumper was lucky to have you and you were lucky to have him too.
For what it’s worth, I’ve decided when I die it will mean one of two things. Either, I know nothing, so I just won’t care. OR I will be reunited with all my doggos gone before me. I actually think that IS true, I think we will see them again. It’s goodbye for now, not goodbye forever xxx

Im sorry OP. I took on a terrible neglected cocker spaniel. She graced my life for 20 months. It was heartbreaking letting her go, so I feel for you xx

@LadyLolaRuben oh.. 💔 I know cocker spaniels well.. they are the angels of the earth you know. Have you managed to only have one cocker? If so that’s quite impressive. Most people start with one and it snowballs from there 😂 my first rescue was a cocker. My DH didn’t like dogs. We’ve since had three cockers. It’s the eyes and the velvet chops for me xxx

Ridiculous isn’t it? I’m honest in every aspect of my life, but when it comes to these dogs? I lie to myself, every time 🤦‍♀️

@Buildingthefuture it would be lovely to be reunited with them all together after the end wouldn’t it.. I hope truly this is where we end up!!!

Keep lying!!!!!
The dogs will thank you ☺️