Guilt and grief

[Regretandoverwhelm]

My dog was pts yesterday. She was old and unhappy. She was loved. But since my now 3 year old was born I have been overwhelmed and the dog was a chore whose basic needs were met and she was not the centre of our world like she had been previously. At the very end we did our best to slow down and show her the affection we felt, but it was too little too late and I know the guilt and regret will stay with me forever. Just that really. If anyone has experienced the same and found a way to live with it then advice appreciated. The sadness is all encompassing.

I’m sorry you ve lost your dog. Dogs do adapt and I don’t think they necessarily realise if they were the centre of your world or not. Dogs would have known they were being fed, had a warm bed and would have been happy they were being looked after. They’re not people and I do think at some level are more accepting.

Sorry for your loss OP, thinking of you

if she were given the option to have a more active life with strangers or stay with her family I’m sure she’d have chosen you all every time. It’s a truly horrible guilt to have (currently living it with 3 year old dog and 8 month old baby) but you showed up every day. You felt that guilt and stayed, you gave her everything you had every day, unfortunately some days what you had was the minimum

it’s worth remembering a lot of people give up and put their dogs in a shelter around that time. You didn’t, you were her family until the end and she died feeling loved. Please don’t beat yourself up

I echo this. She always knew you loved her.

I think guilt and regret is a normal part of grief. You have to try to focus on the good. Beating yourself up only makes it hurt more.

I'm so sorry you've lost your dog... please be kind to yourself, you're grieving and it's OK to be sad. We had our DDog for many years and she also went from being the centre of our world, to then us having a baby, to then work expanding into our energies once my child got into high school... etc. The last year or so was difficult, as she developed all sorts of health conditions. Like you, I tried to slow down and love her more. The old age stage is so sad though, and a lot to manage. Fast forward to now, we have a new puppy, who we love so, so dearly... and we do all the things... and I feel that sense of guilt that I didn't nurture and love our old DDog as much as I could towards the end.

The overwhelming sadness starts to fade over time. It's all encompassing now as it's still so raw and recent. As I said, please do be kind to yourself. In your heart, you cared and your dog would have known.

I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s completely understandable that your baby took priority and I don’t think you should feel any guilt about that. In my experience, dogs are often more settled when they are slotted into a family rather than being the centre of attention. Often, when they are growing older, they somewhat retreat, sleeping more etc. I am definitely seeing that with my older boy. He still loves his walks but does his own thing in the house more than he did.
It is always devastating having to make the decision but it sounds like it was the right one and your girl was loved until the end. Please be kind to yourself and let the happy memories return without guilt. 🥰

Regardless of how much your pet was loved, when they die, there is always a feeling of guilt, that you could have done more for them. You remember moments when you didn't have time for them, the time you shooed them off your bed at night because you were desperate to sleep - all those kinds of things - but you don't at the early stage of grief think about the times you sat up all night with them because they were unwell, the times you changed your plans to make sure they were accommodated, the times you searched for hours online to find pet-friendly places to take them.

It's a natural part of grieving, in time it will pass and you'll remember the good times.