First time dog owner - advice and tips please!

[snapdragongirl]

We are about to embark upon first time dog ownership (we are planning to get a golden retriever puppy). DH and I both had dogs growing up but haven’t owned one as adults. We have 3 DC (11-16).

What are your top tips/gems of advice for us please? Any books you can recommend as a reference point? Any do’s or dont’s, words of warning etc?

We have thought long and hard about this decision so haven’t made it lightly, but I’m just aware we are novices and I want to do things properly and as well as we can!

Crate/play pen make no difference when it comes to puppy safety, particularly Golden Retrievers. I've known them get their jaws stuck around the bars in their crate, and end up with dislocated jaws, and I've known them try and climb out of play-pens and break their legs. They are incredibly clingy.

Crate training can work, but realistically you're going to be sleeping on the sofa for a few weeks if you do it - unless you going with the 'let them cry it out' method (which I really wouldn't suggest for Goldens). And you can absolutely train them to sleep in a crate and then get rid of it.

Mine are all crate trained. But none of them have ever slept in a crate. They're just crate trained for the worst case scenario where I need them to be confined and okay for extended periods (due to injury etc).

Yeah you can stop using a crate later on if you want… I will say though, they’re actually really handy for going on holiday as the dog goes, ooh my crate, yay.

You do need to crate train properly though, which isn’t just sticking a puppy in and waiting for them to stop crying, it shouldn’t involve any crying - there’s loads of guides online for doing it step by step and it’s usually fairly quick with a puppy.

My big tip would be… because it seems to be hanging round despite science, ignore anything about dominance or being alpha or making yourself the boss. Dogs don’t live in packs, wolves don’t have a strict hierarchy, they’re a family and the ones in charge are in charge because they’re the parents not because they’re dominating the others and dogs aren’t going to try and take charge of your house because you let them go through doors in front of you or any other weird rule. Like teach them to wait at doors if you want them to wait at doors but it’s not going to make any difference to any other behaviour,

Also - there’s no set training every dog should have, it depends on what matters to you, some things are usually universally useful like drop, leave, wait, a solid recall… but I know people that don’t teach sit, they just don’t need it because they’ve got a solid wait and stay and they don’t care what position the dog is in when it’s doing it. Giving a paw, some people like it, some find it’s annoying because then a dog paws at you 😂

I fostered a Lhasa once who knew no commands at all, pretty sure he didn’t even know his name tbh, I tried doing some training with him, he didn’t even seem to grasp the idea of getting a reward for doing something - but he was a perfectly easy little dog because he just pootled about next to you on walks and was very chill indoors. So if you don’t want to teach something and you don’t need it, don’t bother. Equally nothing wrong with teaching a dog to do something just because you like it, mine both know boop and if you point a finger at them and say bang they’ll throw themselves on their sides, both completely pointless, I just like them.

Thank you! This all makes perfect sense and it’s like you read my mind without me even knowing my own mind! We are new to this so have a lot to learn, but I’m busy reading, researching and getting advice - I appreciate it’s rather like parenting and you figure out what works/is important to you (and I’m still winging parenting with 3 kids!) but it’s so helpful having the advice of those who’ve gone through it all.

if you take the crate when you go away, does the dog travel in it in the boot or do you collapse the crate to transport? They are bulky is all I’m thinking (equally a full sized GR is bulky!) I’m assuming the crates can be made flat?

If we weren’t to crate train, what set up would you advise in terms of sleeping, to begin with? I’m happy to sleep downstairs when they first come home, whether it’s using a crate/pen or neither. Wouldn’t want to leave them to cry. I suppose ideally I’d like them to be a little flexible in the long run in terms of sleeping, but am conscious they will need more support/encouragement in the early days and wondered if crate might be best for that… and I am worried what they might get up to when I’m asleep if they aren’t contained when first home!

thank you. Does he sleep in the pen in the day?

Thank you! It is certainly good to be prepared. I am definitely a prepare for all eventualities kind of girl! I’ve already read quite a few things about problems and issues that people are having and ideas on how to prevent/stop them.

@snapdragongirl honestly, it'll sound like a 'cop-out' but it is completely up to you!

Mine have all slept on the bed, or in a dog bed by the side of the bed, since the day their littermates went home. My youngest (just shy of 8 months now) was sleeping 8-9 hours a night through the night since day 1 and honestly the difference it made in terms of my attitude was incredible - a good night sleep, when dealing with a puppy, cannot be under-estimated.

The only tricky thing is Golden Retriever's really shouldn't be climbing up and down stairs too often (or at all if possible) when they're young because of the pressure on their joints so you'll need to carry them up and down initially.

Some people are really happy sleeping on the sofa with their dog for the first few weeks, and the dog is happy as well.

Remember, puppies sleep sooo much. 20+ hours a day is normal. Chances of a puppy getting up to mischief, particularly something you wouldn't hear if they're in your room/you're on the sofa with them, are really slim! I sleep with a fan on and with ear plugs, and I can still hear mine if they retch or squeak.

I fold it, they go flat - I’ve never had a big enough boot to fit a crate in built up. They’re not tiny folded because they’re still the same size as the base, but only about a few inches thick.

You can get boot shaped crates - they’re more expensive though

And yes there’s a lot of similarities with parenting in both finding what works for you and people having real strong opinions on what is the “right” way.

Follow your heart. If you try to follow every piece of advice out there your head will spin and you'll find it conflicting.
Things I wish I'd known before I got my first dog, a lab puppy,.a few years back?
The puppy blues are real. I'd wanted a lab every single day for 35 years before I got mine. That soon stopped after I got one and found out what terrors lab.puppies can be. My utter love of and devotion to the breed only started again recently now my lab is approaching the end of his LONG adolescence. In short, puppyhood is long, adolescense is worse, and it's definately not always cute or easily loveable (think eating poop on walks, which mine thankfully grew out of or was trained out of).
Puppies growl FEROCIOUSLY in play. It doesn't mean you've adopted a wrong'un. It's play. Mine grabbled my elderly neighbours trouser leg and played tug of war with the most ferocious growl. Thankfully now he wouldnt dream of doing so now.
They chew. Everything. Skirting boards, beds, sofas.
You DEFINATELY need a safe puppy proof sanity space where you can leave your pup unattended. You'll need it for longer than you think. Make it whatever you want. I never used a crate. But you will need a puppy proof space.
Your puppy will not arrive as a blank canvas who you can mould in to your perfect puppy. They will not even arrive as a Golden Retriever per say. They'll arrive as themselves, in all their glory. Beware and be ready for whoever they are. It will not be who you think. Mine was cute in outside crossed with a baby gorrilla, velociraptor and kangaroo.
Dogs DO NOT live to please you. They live to please themselves, as most mammals do.
Are the dog quotes real, about all the unconditional love, loyalty, beauty of dogs? Yes. In a way. But they are only a fraction of the story. And they dont necessarily apply all of the time to puppies. They apply to adult dogs, out of adolescence. The reality is 90% different from the dog quotes though. The hours of muddy walks, picking up poop, early starts, late finishes, dark outings in cold rain when you just want to snuggle behind a locked door, the conflicting demands, worries, guilt, training etc are the reality a great deal of the time.
You will be responsible for, and have to make significant sacrifices for your puppy long before you love them truly madly and deeply. But when you do. It'll be unlike any other love you can get from a person.
My dog has been a roller coaster ride. But now that I know and love him so incredibly deeply, he's my best friend. The people I love come first still. But beyond that, I wouldn't trade him for anything. I'd change my house, job or car for him in a heartbeat. He's only 2.5 years old and I already cannot stand a momentary thought of any risk of losing him. I don't have the words to say what he means to me. Yet there are still moments where I question the sanity of having chosen a lab. But they're just moments totaling 5 min a month. The rest of the time. He's indescribably the best friend I ever had and utterltly irreplaceable.
In short, hard work, espescially puppyhood and adolescence. There WILL be curveballs. There WILL be tears. There WILL be wtf have I done moments. (Maybe earlier and more often than you might expect).
But. Slowly at first, and then all at once, there will be a love like no other. Like the best love, it defies words.
That's just my white knuckle ride experience.

I appreciate your honesty and insight, thank you! And I hear what you are saying re follow your heart. I feel I’ve already started on that process as have had conflicting views but felt able to weigh them up, consider them in the context of the person/source they are coming from (and whether that works for or suits our family/set up) and develop my own view based on what feels right. I know it will be a huge learning curve but I’m committed and getting ready 😊

@snapdragongirl to add to the question of ‘can you crate train and then get rid of it’ IME with only one dog 😂 (who is a Labrador) that’s exactly what I did. It came in very useful in the early days when he was overtired and bitey so I could get him to nap. I did away with it when he was about 5 months old but only because he never really showed a preference for his crate, he never chose to go in there and would only tolerate it and I learned we’d both sleep better if he slept on my bed - he’s been there ever since and is now 11 months old. The crate is collapsed and in my spare room in case I ever need it. I am glad I used it in the early days but we haven’t missed it.

I also agree with a lot of what @Saska70 says, but it also goes to show that no two dogs are the same. Mine has never chewed furniture or skirting for example, he’s only ever been destructive with his toys or the odd tea towel that I mistakenly left in his reach. We have probably had issues in other areas though that other lab owners may not recognise in their dogs - for example my biggest issue with mine is that he is too friendly and boisterous! But someone said up thread to train ‘sit - stay - break’ and I completely agree with that. At least it has been incredibly useful for us.

Hiya, yes. I work part time and if I have to go to work rather than wfh then he goes in his pen and will sleep in there. Sometimes if he’s just been a pain in the house when I’m at home and I think he’s over stimulated and I think needs to calm down he goes in his pen and normally falls asleep quite quickly.

A bit late to the party, but I agree with the others who have suggested to restrict the puppy to for example kitchen and hallway - this is an easy way to discourage stealing shoes or any other item from anywhere.

We wanted a city dog happy to go on public transport and come anywhere with us. From when she was very very young we took a the same wool blanket with us to cafes etc - it now works as a cue to her resting whenever we are in public spaces. We have a whippet, so something soft and warm is required when out and about with her, for bigger dogs this might not be as easy.

And in the same vein, one of the most useful things we taught her was ' relax', meaning she will stop what she is doing and lie down to rest, when that is appropriate. It's easy to start this when they are small as well, when they are learning to nap!

Something I wish we'd done differently was finding puppy socialising classes earlier and worrying a little less about her getting ill. The risk of getting ill was probably lower than we thought, and once we finally joined she has such a ball of a time.

The puppy blues are real, it will get better!

Oh enjoy your puppy! I have a 1 year old GR, also show line, and he is just an angel (even when he's not listening or pulling on the lead or trying to sit on my head). There are many others more experienced than me on this thread so I'll just add a few things that I think have helped us. 1. Crate inside a larger pen for when he was small, and generally limiting his access to the house. Meant I could work next to him in the kitchen without having to get up every 5 minutes to pull him off something. And i do think that having less room to explore helped him to regulate better. 2. Pay attention to moments of calm and reward. For the first couple of months I dropped a little treat in front of him whenever he was just relaxing. Our boy is very very calm and we can take him anywhere and he will settle, and I think this early rewarding of calm behaviour helped. It is also his temperament too I think though. 3. Brush early and often tp get him used to it. It has become lovely bonding time for us now to sit and groom him amd it's so mich easier to brush out dry mud than to wash every time they get into a puddle! 4. If you haven't found a breeder, write to the GR society- they recommended us a closed Facebook group where we were put in touch with our breeder, who was and is amazing and is genuinely passionate about the breed and maintaining health and wellness. I had come across some really dodgy breeders on Champdogs who were KC registered etc but just were not right. A good breeder is worth their weight in gold. And finally 5. Don't overfeed. We made the mistake of not calculating treats enough into daily allowances and he did get a bit too heavy. He's slimming down now and has been for a while but I didn't realise how quickly they can pack on weight. It's bad for their joints so you do need to be careful.

This is my boy: he is the absolute light of my life and has brought us all such joy. I waited for this dog my whole life and feel so lucky to have him. Enjoy your pup - he won't be small for.long!

@SnoopDougyDoug whenever I see a picture of your boy I always go 'ohhh' and get all fuzzy eyed. He's such a handsome chap😍

Aaah thank you @TheHungryHungryLandsharks that means a lot, I know you know your Goldens! I often think about showing him but I know that I couldnt cope with him not winning, I would find it mortally offensive because in my eyes he is the perfect GR 🤣.

Every interaction with your ouppy is a training situation.

Be prepared for good and bad days.

The puppy biting stage is horrible and demoralising. Wear old clothes.

Puppy blues are a real thing.

Start researching and booking puppy classes now.

Puppies are hard work.

Get a routine as soon as possible. Sometimes you enforced naps.

Put lots of pictures on mn.

Remember, dogs are happier having a 'job' , nosework, scentwork, agility, mantrailing, hoopers, etc. Look around, see what's available and try different things until you find the dogs talents.

Vary the time you feed the dog, do they don’t assume that as soon as you’re up, then it’s breakfast time. Put the washing in, empty the dishwasher etc. first.

Leave at least an hour after eating before walking. This is to prevent bloat.

Oh yes this is good. And don't make a big production out of letting them out of their crate. I usually walk into the kitchen, stick the kettle on or potter about and say nothing then let him out of the crate very quietly. Cuddles and fuss comes after and only if he's calm - but then there are lots of cuddles of course!

What I wish I’d done is train the dog to only toilet in a certain part of the garden so wouldn’t have to go round the whole garden hunting for poop!!

To echo whats already been said, dont use puppy pads. Take pup outside very, very frequently. If the weather is nice and your doors are open, dont expect pup to be toilet training themself when out there. You will have to keep doors closed and take pup out until they get the gist of things. There will probably come a point in the early days when the pup will make you feel an overwhelming miserable regret. Open up to people, read threads here, it will pass. The biggest shocker for me was not being prepared for the massive love that grew! Dogs are wonderful creatures.

Buckle up for the land shark phase. Puppyhood is tough but enjoy it, it soon becomes a distant memory