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The doghouse

If you're worried about your pet's health, please speak to a vet or qualified professional.

Original poster

When is it time to say goodbye?

30 replies

Delphigirl · 18/01/2026 19:59

I have the most fantastic 14 yo standard poodle. He is very elderly - have always had SPs and they usually go at 11 or 12.

he has a bit of arthritis and a bit of a wheeze but otherwise ok. However since Christmas he really seems to have gone downhill. He is very skinny, and it is difficult to tempt him to eat. For example I cooked him some chicken thighs today and cut them into little chunks and he ate very little. He loves chicken. For the last few weeks he has been asking to go in and out into the garden literally every 20 mins or so if I am in the kitchen, and when he gets out there he looks confused, like he doesn’t know why he is there. We were thinking that he had forgotten that he had just been out. He stands just looking at the walls sometimes, again looking confused. He has been sort of groaning a bit.
Today however he seems to have become incontinent. He marked the playroom with urine in four places, and when I put him in the kitchen to clean up, and then sat near him with my supper, he made two wet patches in the bed and then urinated on the floor. We have kept walks pretty short for a few months as he gets tired, but today he really didn’t even to walk around the (2acre) garden.
I will take him to the vet tomorrow but should I be expecting to be asked about end of life, and if so should I do it? I really really don’t want him to be in any pain and I just get the feeling he is finding life tiring and confusing at the moment.

my younger SP will be devastated as will we all.

OP posts:
Helplessandheartbroke · 18/01/2026 20:11

Awww im sorry op. Im 2 years on and it still breaks my heart. No advice really as my ddog was a sudden thing and we had to decide there and then and still dont know 100 percent if we made the right choice. Its horrible but just wanted to offer a hand hold

Cluckycluck · 18/01/2026 20:13

I'm sorry that you're going through this.

It sounds like it might be time for him. Speak to your vet and rule out anything that could be easily medicated.

If it is a case of it being time would your vet allow your younger SP be brought in afterwards to see? My vet asked me to bring my younger dog along to sniff and see to prevent any confusion.

noctilucentcloud · 18/01/2026 20:15

For me the not wanting to eat (even yummy food), losing weight, not wanting to go out, being confused, and groaning would all be things where I'd consider pts. But go and speak to the vet incase it's something simple like a uti.

Original poster
Delphigirl · 18/01/2026 20:21

Thank you everyone. I needed to hear that. I am very grateful.

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sizzlingteapot · 18/01/2026 20:39

My boy had dementia & his last few days were exactly like you’re experiencing now. I made an appointment to see his vet but in my heart I knew he wouldn’t be coming home with me. As expected the vet said the decline was so great it was the kindest thing for him. So sorry Delphigirl.

Original poster
Delphigirl · 18/01/2026 21:44

sizzlingteapot · 18/01/2026 20:39

My boy had dementia & his last few days were exactly like you’re experiencing now. I made an appointment to see his vet but in my heart I knew he wouldn’t be coming home with me. As expected the vet said the decline was so great it was the kindest thing for him. So sorry Delphigirl.

Thanks @sizzlingteapot . It is so hard isn’t it. The worst.

OP posts:
Pinkissmart · 18/01/2026 22:01

noctilucentcloud · 18/01/2026 20:15

For me the not wanting to eat (even yummy food), losing weight, not wanting to go out, being confused, and groaning would all be things where I'd consider pts. But go and speak to the vet incase it's something simple like a uti.

My vet said often dogs will still be eating , even when it’s clearly their time

mondaytosunday · 18/01/2026 23:33

My dog died last weekend. She was increasingly unwell and started to mess inside and her breathing was laboured. She crashed at the vets and I didn’t want them to do extraordinary measures so they put her to sleep. They had found masses on her liver and fluid in her lungs.
Your dog seems to be in pain, confused and incontinent. The latter might be very stressful if your dog was usually very good about going outside. It’s time. Much better to be a couple days early than a couple days late. Don’t let him suffer.

Insidemyownhead · 18/01/2026 23:39

when it gets to the point of toileting indoors, they will ask the question to you, so please be prepared for that tomorrow. my parents had a dog who they treated as their baby, his back legs started failing him, doing both number ones and twos in the house. It got to the point where when they let me know he had passed, I sadly felt relief. Give your boy the dignity he deserves, and a big cuddle, it sounds like you both love each other very much.

MarxistMags · 18/01/2026 23:40

You're going to know what to do tomorrow.
My sympathy to you.

BasiliskStare · 18/01/2026 23:59

@Delphigirl - I have had two beloved dogs PTS. One 17 , one nearly 16 ( terriers who tend to live longer ). Firstly I would say don't worry about the younger one , look after the older one. and secondly I would say your eldest doesn't seem to be having a good quality of life. The way the vet put it to us was would you want to live , incontinent , not interested in walks , not eating (although some do ) , losing weight , confused ( and you can't explain to a dog he's getting older. ) Your boy is probably feeling stressed even if not showing it. The groaning I think is a very bad sign.

It sounds like time for you to let him go to me. But you must decide. Wise words are "better a week too early than a week too late" . Being PTS is ( in my experience ) very peaceful for the dog. It's the last act of kindness you will do for him.

I do feel for you. I wept buckets at my 15 year old being PTS - but I know it was the right thing. We wrapped him up in a blanket and gave him treats at the vets.
I don't envy you the decision , but I would say think about him. He is relying on you to do the right thing, whatever that is

🐾💐

Original poster
Delphigirl · 19/01/2026 08:26

Thank you everyone. I will keep you posted.

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Frenchfemme · 19/01/2026 09:09

I am so sorry you and your beloved dog are going through this. Sadly , it sounds as though it is time 💔 Is it possible for your vet to come to the house? Maybe less stressful, and your younger dog can be aware and see that his friend has passed. Thinking of you and sending love and strength.

Original poster
Delphigirl · 19/01/2026 10:47

Vet coming to the house at 12. He had some nice little bits of steak for breakfast but then had a seizure and lost use of his legs for an hour or so. Breathing quite laboured. We are all in bits but glad they are coming to house and poor younger dog can understand what is happening. She is quite unsettled today.

OP posts:
Helplessandheartbroke · 19/01/2026 11:55

Im so sorry op. Sounds like its his time to cross the rainbow bridge. Bless him. Thinking of you all x

Original poster
Delphigirl · 19/01/2026 12:33

He has gone. Thank you everyone. Awful awful awful but he is at peace now

OP posts:
Frenchfemme · 19/01/2026 12:36

You have done the best, and the hardest, thing for your lovely dog.Be kind to yourself 💔🌈💔

wheredidtheteago · 19/01/2026 12:36

Bless you. I’m sending hugs ❤️

noctilucentcloud · 19/01/2026 13:50

I'm so sorry OP.

Original poster
Delphigirl · 19/01/2026 15:26

Thank you everyone you have been so wise and kind and I’m so grateful

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thebinkster · 19/01/2026 16:09

You have my deepest sympathies,I’m sitting here in floods of tears after having my beloved spaniel put to sleep this afternoon.Hopefully they’ll meet up at the rainbow bridge.

LoveSandbanks · 19/01/2026 16:22

My friend had a dog who was ill and the vet had told her that there was not really any further treatment and there would be a time when she’d need to put him to sleep. On deciding when to do this the vet advised “better to be a day early than a day late”

We had our dog pts a couple of years ago. He became ill very suddenly and deteriorated within 3-4 days. I held him as he went and it was, honestly, the calmest he’d been for several days. They’ve served us so faithfully, we have to do what is right for them.

Helplessandheartbroke · 19/01/2026 16:39

My deepest sympathies @Delphigirl and @thebinkster someone has said this up thread but the best advice i can give is be kind to yourselves. Its the hardest decision I've ever made and all kinds go through your head but remember all the good times and how you did the kindest thing you could ❤️

Tara220 · 19/01/2026 16:46

Im.so sorry your going gbrough this. It sounds like dementia, we arw going through exactly the same debate right now with our elderly dog. Ita so hard to know what to do. Weve had him checked by the vet and hes not in pain, but he paces up and down a lot, stares into space (or at the wall) and we put him in the garden for ages and he comes in a poos in the house. I personally fewl its time.DH is struggling though and wants ti give him longer

Original poster
Delphigirl · 19/01/2026 16:47

thebinkster · 19/01/2026 16:09

You have my deepest sympathies,I’m sitting here in floods of tears after having my beloved spaniel put to sleep this afternoon.Hopefully they’ll meet up at the rainbow bridge.

Oh I’m so sorry! It is absolutely awful. Huge hugs.

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