Advice please

[Pipsqueakthedog]

First things first, we own a dog, as do most of my family, I grew with dogs. I'm very happy around dogs, I love them. But I'm also not a dogs = kids person or believe any dog isn't capable of biting.

BIL has a dog. A terrier mix (parsons and schnauzer I think). He and his partner have done a lot of training with the dog but it's all about managing and reducing the behaviours he does - resource guarding, barking etc. BIL and partner don't have kids but are looking to adopt this year.

Here's the issue: due to distance we don't see BIL that often, but when we do the dog is always present and this won't be changing. We (DH and I) need to come up with how we behave.

The last 2 times we've seen them these things have happend:

1. Dog was on BIL knee, sat up, awake. DD(8) walked past to get to the other room and dog snapped at her
2. Dog was asleep on the sofa between me and BIL. DD walked up to me to speak with me and dog snapped at her.

Both times the dog made contact with DCs arm but did not break skin or clothing. The first time there was a bruise on her arm.

BIL seems remarkably calm about these incidents. Feels it's DCs fault. But I really can't see how - DC wasn't being loud or fast or unpredictable. On both occasions they were minding their own business just doing normal stuff, not actually interacting with the dog, having food etc. More over BIL days that the dog "just snaps" but doesn't bite. I dispute this.

I'm not overreacting am I? This is really dangerous? DH is really really not a dog person so has no idea if this behaviour is normal or not but is really worried about our next time seeing them, and PIL and BIL seems to be brushing it off.

What do we do? DH is happy for me to make the decision being more dog savvy than him and he will tell BIL and PIL.

The dog clearly has resource guarding issues, which can never be solved and only managed. And it is on every single person in that dogs life to act responsibly around those behaviours.

On incident (1), that's a case of badly managed guarding. The dog should never have been on the sofa, on it's owners lap, in the presence of others. Although your DD must have been close if the dog was able to get her.

On incident (2) if a dog is asleep - be that on the sofa, floor, bed - and you approach them or people next to them, if it snaps it is on you. I have always taught my DDs never to approach a sleeping dog, or if a dog is sleeping by a human and they want the human, they announce themselves and we wake the dog up gently beforehand. This incident is not resource guarding, thats the dog being woken up and reacting and is something that happens far too often. And that incident is on you and your DD.

I've met a lot of dogs prone to resource guarding - my breed are very prone to it and a fair few of our rescues have resource guarding histories. It is all about careful management and knowing what the triggers are. And, ultimately, your BIL and SIL are not doing a good job of managing the behaviour - the dog should not be on the sofa, as almost all dogs with resource guarding tendencies will guard their humans in some way/shape or form at some point, and putting them on a sofa next to them where there's lots going on is stupid. But your DD should have been giving the dog far more space, and not approaching it when it sleeps, if you are aware it has behavioural issues.

As to what you do, I wouldn't have an issue going back to the house but that's because I have a fair amount of experience with resource guarding...but I am not you. And in your case, given the lack of awareness from all involved around how to avoid these triggers, I wouldn't go to the house and I would explain why.

Thanks for the feedback. In terms of space, we're always at PIL house, which is small so there's very limited space, you have to walk between the coffee table and the sofa to go anywhere.

The asleep dog situation, DD approached me on my left side and the dog was much further away on the right hand side and in my view wasn't close enough to be an issue ( wasn't touching me at, you could have sat a small person between us) obviously I was wrong but it means the children can't really be in the room with dog due to space and furniture set up as there's no practical place they can be with the dog and their parents.

I’m a dog person, but I believe a dog that snaps is capable of biting.

Unless you can ensure your Dd can keep the necessary distance at all times, then I agree you cannot be 100% safe.

It would obviously be best to have your BIL onside. Where do they go for advice on the training they have done so far? Could this be a source for some realistic advice they would listen to?

Sometimes people’s resistance is more to do with not knowing what the solution is. If you can come up with a reasonable solution, that ‘feels’ fair to all, would BIL co-operate?

I understand that BIL’s dog is the problem, not you or your Dd, but if you want a solution, you may have to compromise to find a solution, if you know what I mean?

At the last resort it may be that you feel you can’t let your Dd be in the same space as the dog, and I think that’s reasonable.