It's been a month and I can't really think about my dog's last moments

[estrogone]

So my much loved whippet boy (15y11months) was slowing down a lot - really noticeable since about the middle of the year.

He was profoundly deaf, resistant to walks and slept a lot (not unusual for the breed). I could tell he was in pain walking up and down stairs and infrequent bouts of vomiting and diahorrea.

I took him to the vet in early October for a wellness check. Vet agreed that old age was a factor and we set out to monitor him. She picked up a minor / new heart murmur at this visit.

Fast forward to 20th Oct when he started with diarrhoea - we treated him at home. He seemed lethargic but looked a bit brighter in 21st.

On the 22nd I got up to diahorrea in the lounge. My William looked so sad. He was shivering so I cleaned him up and covered him with extra blankets. He didn't have any food and refused his usual morning drink. I sensed he was very unwell and made an emergency vet appointment. He truly loathed the vets - would shake and shiver and be terrified, so I made a decision that if it was very serious I would not leave him there in his own and would discuss euthanasia with the vet.

We got him to the vet - I carried him in and he just lay in my arms (very unusual he was not a lap dog). The vet examined him and agreed that he was very poorly - with a high grade heart murmur.

The vet wanted to admit him, for tests and fluids (risky with the heart murmur). I didn't want to leave him there, terrified. So I made the decision to let him go peacefully. He was just laying in my arms not trying to get up, not shivering or shaking like he always did at the vet- they brought treats to tempt him to eat and he wouldn't.

He died in my arms and I am now haunted with what ifs. I keep thinking I should have admitted him. I feel so traumatised because I made a decision that the vet agreed even though she wanted to try and treat him.

She had never met him before (our usual vet knew how terrified of the vet he was).

Not sure why I am posting. I can't talk about it in real life - still too raw

Hi - I’m a vet.

You made, undoubtedly and selflessly, the right decision. I’m really sorry for the loss of William, sending you a big hug.

Thank you. So much.

It’s really really hard.

What if we waited and see if he perked up a bit on his own?

What if we admitted him and maybe try some fluids?

What if we took him home and book a recheck appointment a few days later, maybe try some meds?

It’s all very valid because he was really loved.

You let him go with dignity, surrounded by the warmth of your arms… without the added stress of spending the day with strangers, new smells, noise, being poked with needles, etc. You did NOT fail him. You were brave.

Oh OP it’s the worst feeling but you did the right thing for your lovely dog. Even if I’m he did recover he would be really low quality if left and a probably short life and suffer through the recovery process. But that even if he recovered. You knew you didn’t want to leave him and you stuck with that conviction.

when my husbands dog was old and sick I had to take him to the vets to be ptswith his mum and I still feel horrible about it. Just awful. 7 years ago.

I think vets have to offer what intervention is literally possible, especially perhaps when they don’t know the dog. But that doesn’t mean it is the best or even a good choice. They are just giving you the options. I can’t see that anyone would imagine that being separated from you and undergoing a stressful time at this stage would be best for your boy.

Bless you OP, the love you have for William shines through. What a lucky dog he was to have you. You did the very best thing for your beautiful boy, and I hope you see this in time. No suffering, no lonely night admitted. I have been where you are, and would have made the same decision. Go easy on yourself x

When you’re ready, you might want to look at the Blue Cross pet loss helpline (phone or online). I’ve heard people say they are very helpful:

www.bluecross.org.uk/pet-loss-support

Oh OP it’s such a difficult decision but you did the very best for him. We have an elderly cat who is slowly deteriorating with thyroid and heart issues. The vet offered an option to completely fix the thyroid problem but it would involve 3 weeks in quarantine and he’s such a timid boy who hates being away from home (he had muscle wastage after being boarded for 5 days because he literally only moved from his igloo bed to toilet). I’ve already decided that if that’s the only option left I just can’t put him through it. The trauma wouldn’t be fair to him. Be kind to yourself x

Reading the start of your post, I was scared that you had left it too late and he died in pain at home. So relieved to see that you spared him that. You put his needs before yours. You did the right thing.

Your lovely William was almost sixteen and ill. You did the final kind thing for him and prevented him from suffering. Remind yourself what a lovely life you gave him and remember him when was well.

I PTS my beautiful boy 2 weeks ago and I’ve been haunted by the same feelings as you’re having OP. I miss him so much, he really was the most amazing, gentle, gorgeous boy. However I’ve been lurking on MN forever and the advice here is that a few days too early is so much better than a day too late guided me. You totally did the right thing and so did I. But it’s so so hard because they’re so loved ❤️. RIP William and Iggy Pup xx

Oh op, you 100% did the right thing. I’m still absolutely haunted by 2 pets that I had admitted despite thinking is this the right thing as my gut was telling me otherwise but I agreed. Both times, they spent the day there, likely very frightened and wondering where I was. They both needed to be PTS anyway. All I think about was their last day was spent scared and away from home and me.

He had you with him (which is THE most important thing) & he wasn’t left there frightened. You did so good by him imo.

So sorry for your loss. You did a brave and selfless
thing and were with him in his final moments. X

So sorry to hear this. I hope you start feeling a bit better and less traumatised soon. RIP to your boy x

Don't feel bad - you were doing your best. If this post shoes anything - and as an earlier poster pointed out, we would feel guilty either way. X

Poor wee William. It must have been heartbreaking for you, but how much worse if he'd passed alone and scared in an unfamiliar place without you with him. The fact that you were with him and he felt safe and loved is the best gift you could have given him. Our oldest doggo (Border x Jack Russell) has just turned 16, he's starting to show his age in a few ways now, and I would have done the exact same thing and not prolonged any suffering. Vets might be experts, but they don't know our pets like we do.

There was no point causing him any anxiety for a possible extension of a low quality of life. You did the right thing.

Vets are businesses too and are often encouraged to offer treatment where they can, not always where they should.