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I think it’s time… but then she keeps rallying

14 replies

frizzynfrazzled · 20/11/2025 09:36

I could just do with some reassurance please. I’m guessing lots of people have been in the same position. I’m just finding it so difficult to be the one with ultimate responsibility for the decision, as my husband has deferred to me and adult son is in complete bits (and a bit of denial).

Our lovely lovely girl is 14.5, which is a cracking age for a Labrador. She’s had various issues building up over the past few years, that were managed and under control…but in the last few months and certainly few weeks it feels like whack-a-mole that I’m failing. Shes booked in for PTS this afternoon.

She has had arthritis in her back legs for several years. We tried librela two years ago but didn’t see much improvement. We made some lifestyle changes and they seemed to help. She couldn’t be on NSAIDs because…

She has a mast cell tumour on her foot. She’d had it removed about 5/6years ago but it came back 15ish months ago. Surgery wasn’t an option due to its position/lack of ‘clean’ skin to sew back up/risk of surgery at her age. It’s v slow growing so we decided to hold at bay with steroids. They shrunk the tumour (altho over time it’s probably grown a bit so it’s back to how it was… but it’s not spread or causing her problems).

We were happily chugging along at this point. She was super enthusiastic about life and whilst we ensured that walks were kept short, and regular rather than one long one, you wouldn’t have really known there was an issue. On walks no one would believe her age.

The arthritis seemed to get worse at the end of the summer holidays and she wasn’t herself. Quieter and she’d had one or two poo accidents indoors, sometimes her back legs would slip slowly outwards when she was standing and she couldn’t stop them. We went back to the vets and they thought the arthritis had travelled up her pelvis/lower spine. We started gabapentin. Initially I didn’t think this was going to work as she got ataxia as a side effect, however thankfully this improved over 3 days as she got used to the meds. We’ve been monitoring her with regular check ups with the vet and had seen improvement and we were happy to carry on, things were on an even keel.

Then, about 2.5 weeks ago, she developed a skin issue. Bald patches developed. They didn’t seem to cause itchiness/upset her. We were given medicated sebolytic shampoo to use 2-3times a week… which seemed to calm them/stop the dandruff and improved the ones on her back, but new ones on her legs keep appearing. She had some near her anus too. We were giving it a week of shampooing, as directed, to see if it improved. The ones around her bum then became inflamed and sore looking and she started scooting.. which then made her more sore. She was leaving damp smelly patches when she sat or lay down. She started having some poo accidents again.

Back to vets again, and they clipped the area to see better and enable us to clean and treat it with prescribed antibiotic cream. Upon examination the vet also thought she had regressed in terms of being sore in her pelvis/lower back so we agreed we’d up her pain meds to max dose. We discovered that her anal glands were very full and needed emptying (never had an issue with them before). The vet hoped that was what had caused the scooting, which made the bald patches inflamed, which made her more sore etc and therefore we’d have fixed the issue and her skin could heal, and she’d be back to normal.

But it’s not. We have been diligently cleaning her bum and applying the cream. But it’s not healed. She is still leaking in her beds (I think anal gland fluid and occasionally a small amount of liquid poo) and sometimes if she’s sitting in a particular way. She’s no longer scooting but it looks very sore.

She’s having accidents again, and her toileting habits have changed. She’s not going as often (outside) as normal, even tho we are letting her out v regularly. I think it might be hurting her to go.

About 90% of the time she’s her usual sunny self. Still bouncy and delighted to be with her people, super keen to be involved in what you’re doing and ideally share what you’re eating. We’ve had a few incidents where she’s had a downhill turn, and I’ve thought, ‘oh no, this is it’… and then a few hours later she’s rallied and very cheerful again. Eg we on Tuesday she didn’t want her breakfast, which she normally inhales. She looked sad and tired. Not at all distressed, just sad. I thought it was time but would wait 3 hours for my adult son to get home from work at lunchtime… by which point she had perked up, wanted her breakfast and was back to normal. We’ve had a few of these over the last couple of weeks. Two or three times being meh about food, more often being unsteady on her feet. But always as I think, ‘have we reached that point..?’, she says nope, and then improves massively with a few hours and is back to normal.

She is officially my son’s dog. She knows she is his dog, and unlike many children he actually did put the work in with her. He did the training classes with her, spent hours teaching her stuff, then just hanging out. He walked her every day without fail (or being asked to), as a teenager. He did the boring cleaning up jobs too, not just the fun stuff. He went away to uni, but since he’s been back they are back in their previous routine of being a twosome. He has his head in the sand.

I spoke to the vet again yesterday on the phone. They said if I think it’s time, it’s time. Based on the updates since last week, that things haven’t improved, and have possibly got worse with the pain/arthritis, that PTS is probably the right call. She loves going to see people, loves visiting the vet. I know she’s going to get excited and be delighted to see them, and look like there’s nothing that bad wrong with her.

Bugger me, it’s tough. My husband has said whatever I think. My son initially blurted out that it was too soon and there must be something else we can do. Sobbed his heart out, had a think and basically reluctantly agreed we’d tried our best but if she’s hurting and on the max dose of painkillers there’s no other option. He slept downstairs all night, next to her bed.

I’m having such doubts that I’m doing the right thing. But I am so afraid that if I put it off, it might come to a head with some crisis in the middle of the night, where it becomes an emergency and she’s afraid and in a lot of pain. I don’t want that for her, but I don’t want to feel I’m jumping the gun. She’s such a sunny little soul.

OP posts:
PersephoneParlormaid · 20/11/2025 09:48

Better a week too soon than a day too late.
Its hard, but you do what’s right for them, not you 💐

noctilucentcloud · 20/11/2025 09:55

I have an elderly arthritic dog (13 1/2) and so much of what you've written resonates, mine also loves the vets and can be really ill and still bound in looking fine as he's so happy to see them!

It also must be so hard to make a decision when your dog keeps rallying and seems happy still. It's also doubly tough as your husband and son are deferring to you. The things that stood out to me are the skin condition that's not settling, that must be really sore, and the fact you've had a few episodes in the last 2 weeks. You want to pick a time when they still have good days, not wait until there's no good left. And like you say avoid an emergency trip if possible (I was worried mine was in this position last week). I think it's time for your dog, although by the sounds of it you could take a couple of days to spoil her rotten first. I'm sorry.

Coffeeishot · 20/11/2025 09:59

I am so sorry, wouldn't it be better she leave with some happiness in her life, than being sick and miserable, I agree with the mantra A week to early, it is absolutely devastating but it is a kindness,

Miffylou · 20/11/2025 10:03

It’s time. I only hope someone would do the same for me if/when that time comes.

Frenchfemme · 20/11/2025 11:32

Miffylou · 20/11/2025 10:03

It’s time. I only hope someone would do the same for me if/when that time comes.

I agree. It is the last act of love we can do for our furry friends. I am sorry you are going through this 💔 but sadly it is the price we have to pay for sharing our lives with such loving and faithful companions.

TheHungryHungryLandsharks · 20/11/2025 11:39

I agree with PPs.

I'm so sorry, OP. It's horrible to say goodbye, but it would be worse to prolong any sort of suffering and leave it too late.

Sprig1 · 20/11/2025 11:48

Solidarity. It's a really hard decision to make but you are doing the right thing and (if you are anything like me) you will feel relieved once it's done and you can look back with fondness.

drivinmecrazy · 20/11/2025 11:49

I’m so very sorry OP. You are doing the right and responsible thing.
My heart and thoughts are with you.
But as others have said, it’s the final gesture of love you can give your dog.

will be thinking of you this afternoon 💐

frizzynfrazzled · 20/11/2025 13:00

She’s gone. I’m broken.

Thank you all for your kind words.

OP posts:
noctilucentcloud · 20/11/2025 13:23

frizzynfrazzled · 20/11/2025 13:00

She’s gone. I’m broken.

Thank you all for your kind words.

I'm sorry OP. Well done for doing her the last great kindness.

Coffeeishot · 20/11/2025 13:34

Oh love i am so very sorry.

Dearg · 20/11/2025 13:41

So sorry Op. I was in your position a few months ago. It was so very hard, and I miss him every single day, but I do still believe that it was time. I do swear he took a chunk of my heart with him.

Be kind to yourselves, and let yourself grieve as you need to. She’s pain free now. 💐

Catarinabella · 20/11/2025 13:55

So sorry, but it will be the final act of love and kindness that you give your dog ❤️

WinterNightStars · 20/11/2025 14:43

So sorry OP 😢 We have a 14.5 year old retriever, currently doing well but I dread the inevitable. Sending love x

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