Partners Dogs....

[CosyBungalow]

My partner has Dementia.
We both own our own homes.
It is likely that he will need to go into a care home sooner rather than later.
I do what I can to help him, but am also caring for my 95yr old mum
I live in a shared ownership house and am allowed one dog under the lease conditions.
My partner has 2 dogs.
If he goes into a care home I can't have his 2 dogs due to my lease conditions.
His house will need to be sold to pay for his care.
Theoretically I could move, but would need a mortgage, which I dont have currently, and the mortgage payments would be more than my monthly shared ownership rent.
I'd be heartbroken to have to rehome the dogs, but equally is it madness to take on a mortgage to be able to keep the dogs?
Not sure if i should put this in the Money chat, the Doghouse chat, or AIBU 😣

You would need to re-home both dogs. You can only take on one dog due to the conditions of your lease, and it would be unfair on the dogs to separate them. You would need to contact a dog rescue who could arrange for them to be rehomed. It would be down to the rescue to assess if the dogs can go to separate homes or must stay together. Don't think about taking on a mortgage because of the dogs.

Contact The Cinnamon Trust...

Taking on a massive debt just to keep the dogs is utter madness.
How old are they? Will they live very much longer.
Start making enquiries to find somewhere you will be happy for them to go.

In the first instance I would ask the appropriate person if it would be possible to have both dogs live at your house given the circumstances.
If that’s not possible then rehoming them together would be best but not necessarily what a rescue would be able to do.
What age and size are the dogs?

Sorry was just trying to edit to say I also have a dog, so having either of the 2 goes against my lease.
@caramac04 there is no appropriate person, it's a housing association who own the other 50% of my place.
The dogs are both 5, not litter mates. One would make a perfect only dog for someone, the other is quite clingy.
We are both in our 50s, and certainly didn't plan on one of needing care so soon.
They are both Spaniels, and I do donate to Spaniel Aid, and see the great work they do, so they would be my first contact.
I just feel so guilty thinking that I wouldn't be able to keep them with me

I personally wouldn’t take on that big of a financial burden for a boyfriend’s pets.

Is someone trying to manipulate your decisions?

Different circumstances, but one of my dogs was rehomed to us. She is a very happy, settled dog. Her needs are met, she is very loved and spoiled.

My point is, dogs live in the moment. As long as they are rehomed carefully, so their needs are considered, they will be fine.

Don’t overthink it, and do not give up your secure home.

Sorry edited to add:

Is it that , even subconsciously, you are looking to keep that link to your partner? I am so sorry that you are both facing this. 50s is no age to be facing this horrible condition.

@U53rName ... no, no manipulation, other than my guilty conscience!
We both visited the breeders, and decided on the dogs together - apart from my dog who is a rescue.
I know in my heart of hearts that moving and taking on a mortgage is not the thing to do. We are also sole beneficiaries in each other's Wills, but of course his savings his house and savings will go on care fees - which is how it should be, but if his death was sudden I would be able to have all 3 in his house.. things dont always turn out as you might have planned.
I know from my own rescue dog how successful an adoption can be, and his 2 are great dogs, it's just as time goes on inevitably we can't keep them without me making a massive financial decision - which is really not the best move

I think it would be best to rehome the dogs. Spaniels are a lovely type of dog and they are still young so it’s easier to rehome them. If they don’t go together well they will be fine.
I’m a massive dog lover but in your situation I wouldn’t move and take on a mortgage purely to house the dogs.

Op no help just flowers and hugs x

Have you spoken to the housing association about it? Could you increase your share of the property so the housing association would no longer have a say?

@businessflop25 my mum has a place in the village I live in, with the same housing association. She owns 75% of hers, I own 50% of mine...you cant buy 100%... she is only allowed one pet too....at 90 it would be unreasonable to ask her to take one.
Although there is only 6mths age difference, they are not codependent, in fact the girl could be a very happy only dog, which i suppose would make them easier to rehome rather than together

I am so sorry OP. What an awful situation for all concerned.
I currently foster a 10 year old dog. She had lived with her sister for about 5 years before they both came into rescue. The dogs went to separate foster homes and one has been rehomed to a family. Both dogs have settled well in their new homes and are very happy. So please don't feel guilty about not being able to keep them.

Have you looked at marrying your partner and moving into his home. This would mean you could keep all three dogs and legally not have to sell the home to pay for his care .
Sounds mercenary but it might be the answer.
So sorry that your dp has early onset dementia, it's such a cruel disease.

@thecatdidit .. it had crossed our minds, we're not sure how we would stand with the house as it was husband before we met. I know marital homes are disregarded for care home fees, but not sure if they have to be owned jointly?
Also I currently care for my mum, so not possible at the moment... and meant in the best possible way, but she'll probably out live all of us ...

@thecatdidit ...you've got me calling him 'husband' just by thinking about it 😆

Might be worth looking into, I am no expert but I do have experience of my mum self funding her dementia nursing care.
I wouldn't hesitate to act in my best interests if I was you and if that means marrying to secure a home for you and the dogs... do it!

@thecatdidit ... I think at the moment my heart is giving me the guilt about the dogs.... maybe it's time my head gave some thought to the more practical side of things...
Thank you

it’s worth getting in touch with the Cinnamon Trust well before you need their support as they do expect the dogs to be “profiled” with them and to have all the details.

I would just keep the dogs and not let the HA know. When they find out you will get the best part of a year while they complain. I think it’s unlikely they would start any sort of eviction? I mean they can’t really, you own half the house. You might get stroppy letters and I would engage legal advice.

you may also be able to fight this with legal help as long as you’re clear with the HA that this is a short term thing, that you won’t replace the dogs when they die etc. I’ve seen people do this in supported housing when only one dog was allowed, they brought 3 elderly dogs with them and the complex agreed they would have them as long as they agreed not to replace when they died.

all the above will give you time so that you can rehome the happy non clingy one to a good home and get it settled

Are they working dogs out of interest?

@LaurieFairyCake thanks for that info -that's definitely worth bearing in mind, and a different way of looking at stuff.
@OrlandointheWilderness ... no, they're not working dogs. One is a show type cocker, the other is a Clumber x Show Cocker

I’d probably go with @LaurieFairyCakethen! If you do go down the rescue route then spaniel aid is absolutely fantastic.

Sending hugs. No one expects to get dementia in their fifties.

@Silverbirchleaf thank you. I didn't either...it's called Young Onset. We hope he can stay at home for a while yet, but caring for my mum as well isn't going to be easy as time goes on