Is it my fault that my dog is Iike this?

[Feelingguilty11]

I have a 2 year old Maltese and I'm struggling so much with her behaviour that I am considering giving her to my cousin (who would absolutely give her the best life).

My dog is extremely highly strung, neurotic, needy, impatient, excitable, jittery, and most of all, incredibly barky.

She is my first dog, and long awaited. I researched training techniques so much, chose her so carefully from breeders I had researched. I have all the training books, watched so many videos, seen trainers and vet behaviourists. Tried medication. Nothing has helped to calm her down or reduce the barking. I cannot take her anywhere and living with her has become a nightmare.

My parents have a Maltese and he is just docile and cuddly. They said they barely did any training! Same story with a friend, they have two Maltese and they bark a tiny bit but other than that, very calm dogs that they can take to pubs and walk anywhere and they just get on with it.

I feel awful, that I have failed her, that I didn't train her well enough. But I don't know what else I could have done. Was my dog born like this, like this is her natural personality and there's not much anyone can do? Or am I just a useless dog owner?!

not necessarily. Just like people, you get some that are highly strung.

Saying that, there are usually many ways that the owners make things worse or better. Have you had advice from a behaviour specialist about her specifically?

Why do you think she will be better with your cousin?

Yes, I saw two. The first said she could be anxious and prescribed anxiety medication. This didn't do anything. The second said she is just a very excitable dog and gave us calming tips to try - unfortunately I had already read about these tips online and tried them with no effect.

It's like she has ADHD or something, she is so impulsive and really struggles to follow instructions.

Cousin is an experienced dog owner who has had dogs with behaviour problems before and doesn't seem to mind it! She has a lot of patience plus lives in the countryside with a massive garden that my energetic doggy would love.

But, I do love my dog, very much so. It's heartbreaking to consider giving her away, but I can't see how I can go on when her behaviour makes me so unhappy.

Have you actually seen your cousin with the dog? Does she behave differently?

Do you walk her regularly?

Sorry so many questions. It must be awful for you to have to consider giving her away, I feel for you.

What is she fed on? She sounds like a hyperactive child.

Yeah a few times. Dog's behaviour is the same, but my cousin is less bothered than me about the barking and energy, she says she's had worse dogs before! I imagine she'll be able to train her far better than I have.

Two walks a day, one is an hour and the other half an hour, which is a lot more than I thought I'd have to walk a Maltese! My parents walk theirs for only 20 minutes per day and it's perfectly behaved.

Markus muhle, it's meant to be a good one.

Not sure if this is totally correct nowadays but used to be thought that a too high protein level would make dogs over excitable etc, might be worth getting some advice on a different food.

When does she bark? In the home or out and about?

When you say you can't take her out, has she been well socialised with other dogs / people / in busy environments?

What would she do if you took her to a pub for an hour?

Finally, what is your temperament like? I don't mean that in a bad way, I just mean, are you quite calm and chilled as a person or do you get quite stressed and wound up easily?

Just trying to get a gage before I offer advice as I have 3 dogs (2 rescues and one dog since a puppy) all who have had different behavioural issues so may be able to help!

Some dogs can just be in a heightened state all the time ! Do you still do the training the behaviourist suggested how many. Sessions did you do ? . Have you tried some 1 to 1 training classes that might help.you, I know you said you have all the training material to hand but do you think you are maybe trying too many at once ?

Regardless of that if you have exhausted all avenues and totally done in, let her go to your cousins l.

It could be she needs a distraction, if any dog has too much time on her paws their behaviour can get neurotic.

Is she crate-trained? The enclosure can make a dog feel safe and they settle there. Maybe at a particular time of the day or after meals.
At age 2 they are still in teenage years so still require stimulation and patience.
Another thing to try is doggy daycare, being with other dogs may help her learn how to behave as well, part of the pack. X

Its maybe too high protein and it might be making her bonkers with too much energy

I have a Maltese, now elderly at nearly 16.

I can't help with the behavioural side except to say they are all different. Mine is laid back at home and never barks but is quite fiesty and unsociable with anyone apart from me. She needs a lot of walks. Right from when I got her at age 3 she walked up to 2 hours a day over 3 walks. This only changed around 2 years ago when her average was more like 75 minutes. After a recent injury and arthritis flare she has now stabilised at around 50-60 minutes walking in total a day. She would never have coped on 20 minutes! Even at nearly 16 she often needs three times that amount.

As an aside, years ago I had a hamster who I absolutely loved as he had the most docile nature. I was devastated when he died and got another hamster hoping for one with a similar nature. Five hamsters later I gave up as they were all so different. If hamsters can have totally different personalities it just shows how different dogs can be, even within the same breed!

Diet makes a difference so maybe experiment with thst? Ultimately though if you're not happy with thr dog it's kindest for the dog to rehome.

I would say don't compare your dog to another just because they are the same breed. Dogs are like people. You could get 5 kids from the same parents, brought up in exactly the same way but all completely different personalities!

Also, 2 years old is still young!

my heart goes out to you! We’ve got a very similar situation with a similar size and breed of dog.
couple of things; is she spayed? If yes, how early was she spayed? There’s some research on phantom pregnancy and ongoing behavioural issues (exactly as you’ve described) when the spay was performed at slightly the wrong time in their cycles. We’re currently working with the vet and using Galastop to see whether this makes a difference to behaviour (it really is, not perfect - but a measurable improvement). If you google this you’ll find a few articles and research on it, which was eye opening.

if not related to the spay, have you tried different anti anxiety drugs? We’ve been through a couple; Gabapentin (spelling!) made things worse, a low daily dose of Trazodone has made things a lot better - enabling her to calmly engage with training and get enough rest in the evenings.

good luck x

It actually sounds like you are so anxious to be a good dog owner, that maybe your anxiety is transmitting to your dog. Rather than treating the dog, try a few relaxation techniques yourself and see if that makes any difference.
it would be a shame to give up on her, you obviously love her

We have sibling/littermates in our family i have 1 Dc has the other and they are totally different temperaments and behaviour.

It's a bit of both probably, you and the dog.

We have a small dog with a similar temperament, very anxious and reactive. We did all the right things when she was a puppy, or at least we thought we did, we were also first time owners.

We tried a couple of sessions with a dog behaviourist but it made no difference, and cost a lot of money. We got to the point where we were about to give her up as she was snapping at us and I was petrified that she might bite someone when we were out.

We got put in touch with a guy, an experienced dog owner and he came round our house to meet her and potentially take her in. He'd been there for about 10 mins when he informed us that we didn't have a dog problem, it was an us problem. He then spent 2-3 hrs with us training us on how to manage her.

She is now the sweetest dog, with us at least, I wouldn't recommend anyone else tries to stroke her until she 100% tells them she's ready. She's still anxious and highly strung, that's just her. But she he follows commands now and I am more than confident letting her off lead in the park. I do still call her over and put her back on it if there are kids around but that is more because I don't trust the kids, she could not be less interested in them.

It was so long ago now I can't even remember the guys name, but he was so nice and so selfless giving up his time to help us and he wouldn't take anything in return.

Where you find someone like that though I don't know I'm afraid. Ask you vet maybe, or dog shelter?

Very kindly, it will be a mixture of things, but mainly you. Some dogs need way more training, time, exercise, mental stimulation etc than others. I think most people underestimate just how much time a dog needs out of your day, even those like yourself, who have researched everything and are very diligent. Just because your cousin will cope better than you with the dog, doesn’t mean that’s in the dogs best interests. If her needs still aren’t being met, it’s still not fair on her.

I’ve got a Maltese x bichon, she’s a total di@khead. She barks at anything that moves. It’s just who she is. It’s can get annoying but like yours mine is well walked, played with, loved to bits…mine has had medication, training etc. she just an idiot, but we love her x

Some dogs are just naturally more highly strung than others, even within the same breed, and it doesn’t mean you’ve failed her in any way. You’ve researched, trained, sought professional advice, even tried medication and that’s far more than most people would do.

It’s really tough living with a dog who’s so reactive, and it makes total sense that you feel exhausted. It doesn’t mean you don’t love her, it just means the situation is a lot to carry on your own.

I know you've said you already tried "everything", but I'll just throw some ideas around. These are the things that I've tried with anxious, nervous dogs:

Sometimes it helps to shift the goal away from “fixing” the behaviour and focus more on creating calm routines. Little things can make a big difference, like mental enrichment (snuffle mats, lick mats, puzzle feeders to tire her brain out) or scent games (scattering treats in the garden, or hiding bits of kibble round the room) which can channel her excitable energy in a positive way.

Stick to predictable daily patterns. Walks, meals, training at the same times. Anxious dogs often feel calmer when they know what to expect.

Have you tried white noise or those calming room scent thingies for dogs? They can sometimes help.

If you haven't given up on training her (don't!), try short, structured training sessions (literally a few minutes a day, end each session early on success, not when she's getting wound up) just working on calm sits/settles, and always rewarding the tiniest bit of quiet or calm. Don’t give attention when she’s barking (even eye contact can reward it). A well-timed treat the second she’s quiet reinforces silence more than shouting “no.”

And honestly, sometimes it’s about coping yourself too. Give yourself breaks and remind yourself that she’s not “bad,” she’s just wired differently. Loads of small dogs are barky and high-strung, and it’s not a reflection of you as an owner.

You’ve clearly given her loads of love and effort already. Try not to compare her to calmer dogs. Every dog is an individual, and yours just needs a slightly different approach.

For dogs like this, my first thought is to consider whether pain is contributing to her behaviour. Dogs are masters at hiding pain, so you may not see obvious signs of discomfort, but sometimes running a pain trial (under the supervision of your vet) can identify whether pain is a contributing factor, or whether it is just a training issue. Once pain has been ruled out, i would really go all out in helping her get some quality down time. Being encouraged to sleep away from the main activities of the day, so she can sleep without interruption and giving her plenty of calming things to do (licking, chewing, sniffing).