Reserved a pup - now panicking/ feeling anxious!

[Grannyethel]

Backstory. We lost out much loved dog two years ago.Since then have been walking friends dogs and having one friend s dog with me once a week for the day.
I absolutely loved it and recently noticed two things.
.I seem to have started to detatch a little from the dogs
. seem to be thinking about my own a lot
. spoke to a friend about the fact that I seem a little less intrestred in other people s dogs , but started to look on dog adverts .But why nit be satisfied with a ideal set up of the joy of a dog with out the responsibility?!
like a grandma being able to hand the grandkids back!
She says that even though its lovely, there is nothing like your own dog - do you agree!?

There are few things going on here.

I have a great free life I have a camper van and go abroad a month at a time and travel around england - with dh blessing.. as I work seasonally and am 60 with a small pension. I am free a great deal of the time and I love it
i do worry about the tie of a dog

The other side of things is that when I have my mates dogs - i have great days . I live a few mins from a beach , gorgeous villages , woods.
When i dont have the dogs I tend to stay in or go to the pub at lunchtime to people watch visitors and meet mates for lunch.I dont tend to walk or go off on days out without a dog. I feel less motivated , structured without a dog - yet at the same time my mind says i love the freedom- I cannot afford to jet set off abroad often , but without a dog -its that i know i can psychologically!
My friend has come up with a solution - instead of having my own j dog- with the pros , but also the cons of money, restrictions, that I can have her x 5 a week - including sleep overs in the week . She is the easiest calm dog who just comes everywhere with you and i love her and would choose her as my own .

on paper this sounds ideal.
a dog
freedom
no exprenses

I quite significantly want to take this option
However , she could change this arrangement at any time couldn’t she - as its her dog.

Despite this offer- there is a niggling voice that talks to
me about a dog of my own . I want to be a dogs adored human. I want something to love . There ive said it !
But does this mean i want a dog.
?
How is anyone ever sure ?
is ot normal to feel
so anxious beforehand
people keep reminding me what a tie they are

my goal would be to take dog with me on uk hols in my van , daily potters and spain for a month yearly.

the thing is I absolutely love the freedom of travel in my van . But between those trip s life can feel empty and on past experiences dogs give me joy and structure.
I do have lots of friends- but walking I much prefer a non talking companion.!!

These thoughts have been going round my head for a year now. I know that i will never be 100% sure about what decision is right.

I saw a litter and I fussed one dog and cried. I felt maternal.
Since then - most days I have felt in a state of anxiety- and one in a state of ooh I am going to be a new mummy!!

My questions are

.Is this normal - the fear , the doubt
. what is going on re my mates dog - this sensible option ?!

.whats going on here?
Is it because I don't want one - want my freedom?
is it because I am feeling the fear of the commitment?
is it because the joy of seeing the pup is now on hold as i wait for her to come ?
Can anyone please give me their thoughts.?!
My dh says I am a happier person around dogs.

How is anyone 100% sure . ?
am going between excitement and claustrophobia type feelings . I see so many people with dogs and I love them- but how on earth do you 100% know you want one .?
life seems a bit empty without one - but i am anxious about getting one !

We were on the show circuit for years. Being a champion show dog is meaningless. We've seen show dogs growl, snarl, lunge for other dogs. All it means is that the dog closely conforms to the breed standard. It often has little bearing on health or disposition. Most show dogs do have a stable temperament, but by no means all, so it definitely isn't a cast iron guarantee and should not be taken as such.

It does sound as if you've already made your decision though, so good luck and I hope your pup will fill that gap in your life.

Definitely get one! If you have a camper you can just take your dog with you? Someone has posted that dogs value stability but ours seems really happy to go wherever with us. She adapts fine! I would get a puppy and then they will learn to fit in with your lifestyle. I would just go for it, you only live once.

FWIW we went round and round a bit before we got our dog and it’s not been as bad as I imagined at all. She toilet trained within a few days really. Also we got ours in October. It was fine.

VioletBramble
I rang the kennel club for advice on this as its important to me - the kc spefically said that a champion dog’s disposition is part of what he is judged on at crufts- is this a lie then ?

Dancinginthemoonlightbulb
yes i have a camper- its my transport , i go away most weeks in her overnight, for a few days, a week exploring random areas and to spain .

Dancinginthemoonlightbulb

about the dog valuing stability- I assumed that i wd be the stability- not a place!

I honestly think you’ll be fine. My dog would love camper holidays 😆.

Dear OP, I also had trauma in my life and animals are soothing to me too. It doesn’t mean in any way that I can’t respond to their needs, it’s the act of caring for the animal that soothes me. I lost my old dogs recently and took a while before I got a new puppy. I still am not sure I ‘love’ her but I can feel it growing, I think it’s probably normal when you get a new dog after years of loving another. What about fostering dogs for a local shelter? I think they’d bite your arms off to have someone like you help them and you might find the dog that fits your life perfectly?

Not a "lie" but definitely misleading. Most people who attend Kennel Club shows will have a slightly different view from the KC line in regard to breeding, temperament and health. There was a lot of talk on social media this year about one of the Crufts group winners being aggressive towards dogs and people and many think it should not have been placed by the judge since aggression is a fault. This is why I say it is meaningless. Faults are often overlooked in a dog that is otherwise a good specimen.

And our current one would never cope with it, even though our previous two happily holidayed in our camper van. Every dog is different and there are no guarantees of what you will get.

"can anyone understand why , tho i love this dog amd id have all the freedom in the world in a part share - that i am not sure - is it because shes not mine ? It seems such an ideal solution - she wd be with me x4 days a week inc overnight… but …. Something feels off and i cant for the life of me put my finger on it."

Is it because she is not your old beloved dog?

I'm in a similar position to you OP. Still broken by losing my dear dog two years ago. I too lead a small, gentle life. I travel, I camp, I garden, I walk miles every day. My life is so dog friendly is is ridiculous.

I would love another dog, but what I have come to realise is that the dog I want is the girl I lost.

Losing her was very hard and the last two years with her were hard as she was old and both of our lives were restricted by that. I loved every minute and would have her back in a heartbeat, but since she's gone I can go out in the world again and I really value my freedom. We had such a connection and I'm not sure swapping the freedom for another dog will be worth it.

On balance, I will probably not get another dog, at least for a while. If I was you I would enjoy your friend's dog and have a think, let the dust settle.

TheLilacStork

thank you for your understanding- basically the touch / presence of a dog sooths my brain that has had severe trauma .
i think it relases hormones that calm

what in feel - despite caring for others dogs for a good year now isnthat when i am out - i - as normal talk to dogs , blow them kisses, look at them .
which makes me think they are my focus in life .

i dont really understand why i still want my own! Initially i was happy looking after other people’s and i am v happy indeed when i am with them -but its the times inbetween — tho i love love my freedom - it feels like a sort of empty space?
one that o do love , but also dont!
would you mind at all pm inh me ? No problem of not - but this is quite a complex issue and someone who understands trauma would be so good to talk to . I totally understand if you dont want to.. and thank you .

SeaAndStars
feel for you xx yes i would have mu old girl back in a heartbeat. I guess that in a way thats what i am worried about - that i want that in a way

ive just realised that its not the gettt of a dog i am anxious about ! Its that i dont know what the nature will be like

so - i have chosen a breed I love

• with mum who has a lovely nature
• am trying my best to get the best roll of the dice

but i now realise what the anxious is about its the temperament.
i can see in the litter that ive chosen not the most boisterous or the shy resevwd( like my old dog)

so is a dogs temperment fixed - i assumed i could mould it x

There are no guarantees with a puppy's temperament and you can only mould them so much. And even if you start off with a lovely natured one, things can happen which change them.
One of my previous dogs was always a bit nervous. When he was around a year old, he was attacked by four other dogs and he became fear aggressive. We spent the rest of his life having to avoid other people and dogs.
One of my current dogs would have suited your lifestyle perfectly. We'd travelled up to ten hours away and gone to tourist places. I planned to explore the Scottish Islands with her. But then she needed an operation and all of the vet trips made her become scared of the car. After months of desensitisation, she can now cope with 15 minute journeys, but anything longer and she is extremely stressed. I would have to sedate her to do anything over an hour.
What would happen if the dog doesn't fit into your lifestyle? Are you prepared to change yours to suit theirs if necessary?

Sorry OP, I haven’t read the whole thread in my urgency to reply to you because I could have written this exact post myself. Even down to having the experience of ‘borrowing’ someone else’s. I had an ex live with me for half of the week (while DS was at his dad’s as I didn’t want to rush in to them meeting - good job really as he is my ex for a reason but I digress)
I loved his dog, she was a beautiful wee thing and we really bonded.
I type this with my own, nearly 5 month old Labrador puppy lying at my feet. I have had him for three months. During the time when I was waiting for him (I put a deposit down before he was born) I went through all the same worries and emotions as you. Even down to the ‘tie’ of having a dog. My lifestyle suited a dog, I work from home and absolutely love walking in all weathers but I had never had my own dog before, let alone a puppy.

All I can say is, while I’ve always loved dogs, I was NOT prepared for how much I love my own dog. I can’t put in to words how glad I am that I got him. I’m completely besotted with him.

I don’t know if that helps you or makes you even more confused but that’s my two pence worth anyway. Borrowing someone else’s dog, whilst lovely, is just not the same IMO.

To add to the travelling - he’s been coming in the car with me since I got him and travels extremely well. The longest journey he has done in the car is two hours and he just slept the whole way so I do think it’s more than possible to acclimatise them to travel.

Hello, I thought possibly you were unable to have kids.. one of the first replies said " get a dog" you asked why did they say that. You admitted you aren't 100% on board with getting a dog, this puppy. Your DH doesn't really want one, but is happy to go along with you. Our last puppy was pretty easy to train. I elected to do the night shift, because I had retired from over 30 years of nights. DH used to get ill if he was woken up in the night. So I took her into the spare room, then COVID first time ever,was so ill, I was still getting up twice in the night, until I couldn't. My vet of 25 years plus said puppies shouldn't sleep alone. So she was in a little crate by our bed, when she whimpered DH then took her out. You said you struggle without sleep, puppies are babies.you love your open road life, I can see challenges with a dog. We took ours away this year on holiday,it was quite difficult and they are used to the car.you may suddenly need to find an emergency vet, the dog might not bond happily with your DH if it doesn't see much of him. I would wait until next spring,so how you feel. You said your friend might change her mind about you having her dog, how does she feel about you driving off into the sunset! We do need a picture of the puppy, just for scientific reasons naturally 🤣.

Could you foster for a breed rescue for your preferred breed? It gets you back in the swing of having a dog 24/7, means you get to build a positive relationship with the rescue, and it might lead to your ideal companion.

Nannyfannybanny

As requested

Here

Trying to send pic

yes i do love the freedom and the open road
i am pretty sure that i cd get a dog to come on adventure s in the uk earlly socialisation in van , daiky car trips with a happy vibe
with my old girl she was ill on holiday once with kennel cough
it was stressful - but i loved her so o coped .
the thing is i am not bonded to this pup yet- with my old girl id walk over hot coals for her - so i guess that i am seeing what i cd loose here atm rather than the gain of the love of a dog

If you read my post - and the content- i feel that i have to say -!i am not 100% sure that i want a dog again- but what i can 100% say is that they ground me and i feel un anchored wiith out one . Even looking after other people s. My dh is worried sick about this but says that i am a better me with the RIGHT dog

That's why I suggested fostering...