Coping with the grief after losing a very old dog

[SomethingWitty44]

We had to make the difficult decision to put our 17 year old lab to sleep last week. He’d had some health issues over the last years but deteriorated so rapidly, it was the kindest thing to do. We’re all so devastated and struggling but none more so than our 20 year old daughter, who grew up with this most amazing dog. How can I support her?
His beds and toys are still in place and I’ve suggested using them to make a teddy or a memory pillow but she’s just so, so heartbroken, how can I take the pain away. Thank you.

I’m so sorry for your loss. We lost our very lovely dog last October, it was quite unbearable and to honest it got worse for a while not better, time to create new memories, a lot of time and I still miss him terribly. We moved all his things to storage on the day he died - we still haven’t been able to face going there. I wish there was a way to make it less painful.

After our beloved dog died I made DH clear all her stuff away, as the sight of it upset me too much. I kept a few bits in a drawer, like her collar and tag. We then made a book of photos of all the happy memories.

Then we got a puppy.

You cant rush grief.
In my experience the only thing that helps is another dog.
Hugs x

The blue cross have free pet bereavement counselling https://www.bluecross.org.uk/pet-loss-support
Sorry for your loss

17 is an incredible age, wow!

I’m so sorry. I don’t think there’s anything you can do to take the pain away. Grief takes time, and it is grief, real grief, when you lose a beloved pet.

A therapist I had once said to me that when you love an animal, they burrow a little hollow into your heart. When they’re gone, that hollow is empty, and it hurts. In time, if you feel it’s right, you may get another dog who will not fill that hollow exactly but will make their own and the empty one will become smaller as a result.

Oh OP, that’s such sad news. Losing an elderly dog is really difficult. Dogs give so much love, it’s really noticeable when they are no longer around.
Our elderly girl died last December, I’ve got a beautiful photo of her on the wall which brings me comfort. She was a lovely girl and we had a great life together.
I'm sure that your 17 years together were wonderful, cherish your memories, talk about them with your DD.
I find the only way to soften the grieving process is to get another dog…
Grief is the price we pay for love…dogs are full of love.

We had to put our 15 year old down last year. We got him a couple weeks before my DH died suddenly, so he was a very important part of my children’s childhood (kids were 4&6).
He too went downhill rapidly - annual check and vaccinations and all well then three weeks later we were being told to make a decision. My DD and I were with him, and I kept my son informed and called him while at the vets (he lives 70 miles away).
We did request his ashes, and a final paw print. We haven’t done anything with the ashes but plan on scattering them at the beach next time we are there as he loved it so much.
We have other pets, and sadly another dog about to turn 14 who is showing signs of age. We can’t consider another dog as she would not like it!
You can’t really do anything for your daughter. Maybe frame a lovely photo of the dog or the both of them if possible. Other than that it’s just time.

I'm so sorry 😞 we had to say goodbye to my 14 yr old jrt cross on Monday. He was ill with diabetes but developed dementia and went rapidly downhill over the last 6 months. I've been crying for weeks knowing I needed to make that final decision its been heartbreaking. We took him on Monday wrapped in a blanket and said goodbye.
It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.
I've printed a photo of him to put on the fireplace along with his paw prints.
Sorry for everyones loss 😞.

My 16 yr old lost he's cat dec he was 12 we lost our 11 week old puppy april my 10 yr old was so heartbroken other kids were just sad we have a 13 yr old cat at old age im.dreading it as he's skinny now but is still enjoying life

I’m so sorry for your loss 😞 We lost our beautiful spaniel 6 weeks ago. He was 15.5 so a really good age. I think everyone deals with grief in their own way. My Ds is 22 so he grew up with our dog, like your DD. For us, we felt we needed to remove all his things from the house straight away as we found it upsetting to look at them. I put a lovely photo of him in a frame in the lounge, so when we sit watching TV, it all most feels like he’s with us. Talking about him really helps. We’re quite spiritual so we like to talk about what he might be doing now he’s free from arthritis and pain. It makes us smile to think of him running on the beach or through the woods.
Im not sure yet whether we’ll ever get another dog. There’s certainly a dog-sized hole in my heart, and I’ve found myself yearning to fill it at times. But it’s such a big commitment, I’m going to give myself at least a year and then see how I feel.

I had to have my lovely dog put to sleep a month ago tomorrow - 2 days after his 12th birthday. He had liver cancer which came on horribly quickly - he only started showing symptoms at the start of July. I miss him terribly, especially as he was such a major part of me being able to cope with anything when my husband died completely unexpectedly. My phone is absolutely full of photos of him (he was extremely photogenic) so I get bittersweet reminders pop up most days. My younger dog is also grieving - for both of us and for your dd, it will take time for the pain to lessen but dogs always take a piece of your heart when they go.

Thank you all for taking the time to reply and sharing your own experiences of your beloved pets. I’ve shown this to my DD & it’s really helped. DD is starting to smile with happy tears at memories instead of sobs. DH & DD are not quite ready to clear away the beds & toys but we’ve gone through our phones and selected some pictures to print to pop in some frames. His nose & paw prints are watching over us.
Another dog is definitely on the cards but we’ll take our time to find the right breed for us.
Thank you again for replying, you’ve helped no end x

It's so hard. I feel like I will never get over losing our gorgeous boy.

Some will never be forgotten.

Sending love.

Thats the thing i forgot to.do but my 9 yr old did hes paw prints and give me day after he died its sitting on top of he's little casket

So sorry to hear this. Just take the time to grieve just like any other bereavement.

We had to let DDog go a couple of weeks before he turned 14 and DH and I sobbed intermittently for weeks. He was part of our every day life so his absence was felt constantly.

I can recommend this service. I called when I was in deep grief and shock over the death of my little boy cat and the lady I spoke to was lovely. It really helped.

Someone said to me -take it slow and I didn’t understand what that meant but I soon realised for me it referred to firsts. The first time you go into a place you used to take you dog and for us there were so many - they included people too - first time we saw people - too many firsts was just too difficult. 10 months on I still have firsts that I can’t face. And I still for a fleeting second forget he’s gone and look forward to seeing him when I get home - replacing memories has been hard.
Another dog might happen one day but we just want him, we aren’t ready to give our hearts away again just yet and our next dog deserves that.

I lost one Lab 20 years ago and one four years ago. I welled up talking about my late beloved boys only a couple of days ago, even though number three is currently sprawled, upside down, at my feet.

I am so very sorry for you and send virtual hugs. My 15 years old dog was put down in May. I was on my own and had to make the decision and do the deed at home (well the vet did it but you see what I mean). It sent me into a bad mental health spiral. I spoke to the blue cross as recommended by someone else on this post. They are a brilliant charity.

i did not have to dispose of anything as I have another dog but I had a big bag of expensive special diet kibbles that I donated to a greyhound rescue charity. I walked some of their dogs and spent the walk crying and with all the volunteers being very kind.

It does get easier with time but I cannot look at pictures of her asleep on the grass. I still feel guilty about whether or not I made the right decision but what is done is done and such is the price to pay for having a dog.

Your dog was loved so much and you were loved back. You can cherish that love moving forward. Your daughter will get better in time. May I recommend volunteering for a rescue?