How on earth do you do this? PTS

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Hi
Not a dog person but started dating and now married wonderful man 5 years ago and he very much came with dog.
Dog has been everything to me from a vague irritant, to quite cute to now integral part of our lives. But he’s dying (cancer) and tonight it’s clear that tomorrow we need to go to the vets and put him to sleep.
DH is devastated. DSS is equally devastated and has just driven back from 3 hours to be here. Even my DS is phoning in for updates. I can’t stop crying which is really unhelpful because it’s not my dog, it’s theirs but I’m so sad.
Dog is ok; clearly loving the constant cuddles but refused to eat tonight and is now just mainly asleep.
How on earth does anyone do this tomorrow and how do I support lovely DH when I’m so ridiculously upset myself.

You go along and someone stays with the dog whilst the deed is done. Don't leave them alone. It's hard and it hurts but it's better than coming away knowing they're alone in there. Your feelings are as valid as anyone else's, the dog clearly means a lot to you now too.
Listen and just be there.
I'm so sorry you're all going through this, sending gentle support.

Better still you see if the vet can come out to the house. Expensive, but the ultimate kindest to the dog who gets to go to sleep surrounded by their people in familiar surroundings.

You love them. Stay with them. Tell them you love them.
Dogs are the best.
It's hard to say goodbye but it’s even harder to see them suffer. It’s the right thing to do.

Yes it’s hard but you are doing it for the sake of a beloved pet.

When we had to have our dog PTS at the age of 13, we stayed with him for the duration ( I’d always thought that I would anyway) but my husband and son did as well. I’m so glad that we did, as we know for a fact that our dog had a very gentle ending, literally going to sleep while we stroked him and told him what a wonderful dog he was.

When it is over, yes you’ll all be sad and weepy, but it will pass and it’ll get better in time. What surprised me was how much it felt like losing a member of the family, as in a human rather than an animal. But of course, that’s what pets become, a part of your family. I’m so sorry that you’re all going through this, but if you are allowed stay with your dog, do so. It will help in future, to know that you were there with him at the end. As for your DH, let him cry and be sad and reassure him that it is absolutely normal and everyone who has been through the same with a pet will totally understand. Sending you strength and courage for tomorrow. A sad time for you all, but the right decision for a much loved pet.

By the way, don’t feel bad about feeling upset yourself. It shows how much you’ve grown to love your DH’s dog, and I’m sure that it will help your husband to know that you too are grieving for the dog.

I’m so sorry that you are having to say goodbye to your beloved dog. It’s terribly hard but we do it because it is better than the alternative of ongoing suffering and indignity. It is often said better a week too early than a day too late and I’d strongly agree with this, having had to do this multiple times over the years. Tomorrow, try to stay calm if you can, and support your DH and DSS to soothe him as he quietly slips away. It’s really quick and very peaceful.

Thanks all. My DH is planning to
ring first thing and wants the vet to come to us tomorrow but I’m trying to gently be more realistic. We are 45 mins away and I don’t believe they have vets hanging about with nothing to do so I think we will have to
go to them.
I’m honestly totally taken back by how upset I am. Part of it is because I love my DH and I hate seeing him so upset (& his DS whose in his early 20’s but currently cuddling the dog with tears) but partly because the dog has just become such a part of our life. He’s an unusual breed and EVERYONE knows him. He goes to work with DH and all of his clients and people who work for him know him. Anyone who comes to the office knows he’ll be there and is used to having a meeting whilst the dog is bulldozing them into patting him or knocking everything flying with its tail. On walks, he’s such a character with a distinctive look that children look out for waiting to see him and up until 6 months ago he was just so larger than life loonie toons that everyone just knows him. It’s going to be a nightmare because I know the first question everyone is going to ask is “where’s xx”
Honestly - I had no idea how awful this is!

This came up in active for me - so sorry, OP.

Not a dog, but we had to say goodbye to our best beloved cat last year (also cancer) and I am so grateful we were able to give her a gentle, peaceful end, surrounded by love. We actually could have prolonged her life with chemo - but it wouldn’t have cured her, and she would have been really distressed being carted back and forth to the vet for treatment. I’m proud of us for doing the best thing for our best girl rather than what we would have liked, her to live for longer. It is the last act of love for your pet.

20 years on, it haunts me that I wasn’t there for my childhood dog being pts, and while it was horrible seeing our cat go, I am so, so glad I stayed with her in her final moments.

This possibly isn’t helpful, so please ignore me if not or if it’s upsetting. But things I wish someone had told me. I had the vet take her paw prints, and a few weeks later had one of them tattooed on my arm. I am so pleased I did this (I saw it on TikTok of all places). I had to go out of the vet through a back door because I was so upset, but my DP had to go back to reception, pay, and collect her empty carrier. That was awful, and with hindsight I would pay upfront (although they did say we could ring later to pay over the phone). We paid for a private cremation, and then I was blindsided when the pet crem rang me asking about caskets - I was at work and about to go and teach a class, and again, with hindsight, I wouldn’t have shelled out for the fancy urn that I did, because I could have got something nicer/more personal on Etsy or similar.

Also possibly not useful, and not for everyone, but we adopted a little boy cat very quickly afterwards - he was a stray kitten, we have given him a lovely home, and he properly rescued me when my heart was broken. he’s an absolute joy. When we were in the specialist vet place discussing options for our girl my MIL was with us, and I asked her what she would do re chemo. She said that there were lots of other pussy cats who needed a home, and that letting S go would “create a space”. I am absolutely certain our girl popped him up on the Cats Protection website for me to see.

Im so sorry you’re going through this. It’s incredibly hard. When it happened to us the vet booked us in for the afternoon and told us to make some memories with her. The vet also gently reminded us that all of the things she liked to eat but we usually didn’t allow because they’re bad for dogs, well it didn’t matter anymore. So we took her to her favourite place and we let her eat all the crap she used to try to greed. Having that last memory of a lovely morning with her really got us through the time that followed.

Also when we were second guessing if we’d made the right choice, I remembered reading on here that the reason we love dogs so much is because they live so much in the present moment. They don’t hold grudges or look to the future for something better to come along. So when their present moment is painful for them it’s our duty to put their needs above our wishes. I like what a pp said too about better a week too early than a day too late.

You just do it for the sake of the dog.

You offer to drive (if you can) if your husband is more upset than you.

You take strength from doing the right thing for your dog friend. You keep the atmosphere calm, give the dog love & know that they aren’t feeling any fear of being put to sleep and won’t feel any fear at the vets as long as you don’t pass anxiety onto them. I’ve had a previous dog pts and it was a very peaceful process. He was even wagging his tail at the end because we were cuddling him.

Thank you all. Especially for the good advice. Doggo is mainly asleep but getting constant cuddles from either DSS or DH. Vet due at 10 so not long now. Gah - this is shit

I hope everything goes well. You will feel very sad for a while but in time you will be able to remember the dog with a smile as the memories will come to the surface of when he was healthy and full of life before becoming old and sick.

Personally, I feel relief now when I remember my dog - who was happy almost his whole life - that he didn't have to suffer at the end. I can only wish for such a "nice" death myself!

I hope it all went well and your beloved dog passed peacefully. For anyone else finding themselves in this position, if getting the vet to PTS at home is impossible then letting them be PTS in the car at the vets is the next best thing to save them from actually having to go in the vets which most dogs find stressful.