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If you're worried about your pet's health, please speak to a vet or qualified professional.

Coping with losing my dog

11 replies

Anotheranxiousone · 17/06/2025 16:19

My beloved GR was pts on Saturday aged 13 years and 2 weeks. It was a sudden deterioration and we found out at emergency vets he had extensive mass on his chest/lungs which had reached tipping point. He was clearly in distress with exaggerated breathing from his abdomen and very pale gums, and for first time in his life wouldn't eat the high value treats I offered him. Yet that morning he had been on his normal short, slow walk and had been pottering around the house folllwong me for treats and playing with my younger dog in the garden until he became unwell at 5pm and by 10pm was dead. Vet said absolutely nothing we could do for him and only real option was to PTS but I'm in shock, intense grief and guilt.

I keep thinking we should have brought him home and seen how he coped so we had more time to assess and decide what was best. I also keep looking at photos of him enjoying his walks last week and wondering how things suddenly got so bad.

more than anything I feel such guilt that over last few years since my children came along I've had less time for him. He was still walked daily and he went out with a walker for a bit of group fun once or twice a week. We will stroked and cuddled him but not as often and it was often my husband who did more walks than me as I would be busy with kids or trying to catch up on my sleep after a disturbed night.

we returned from holiday last Wednesday and he didn't seem right Thursday but after bit of pain relief he perked up and was normal again Friday and Saturday until the afternoon. I wonder if he held on for us coming back from holiday. I just have so many unanswered questions and so much guilt :(

OP posts:
LandSharksAnonymous · 17/06/2025 16:38

I’m really sorry for your loss.

Please don’t think about what-ifs, although I know it’s easier said than done. Just try and focus on three things;

a) Vets don’t advise PTS unless they genuinely believe there is nothing else they can do. You made the right decision.
b) thirteen is a good age for a Goldie, a really good age. You must have done more than just something right for him to live that long. That’s a testament to your ownership, love and dedication. Don’t think any differently.
c) you’ll be thinking about l the things you could have done differently for the last 13 years, but chances are there’s not much you could have done differently.

The fact you feel the way you do, only shows how much he was loved. He was lucky to have you.

Anotheranxiousone · 17/06/2025 17:15

What a kind response, thank you, that's really helped. I think the 'could I have done more with him over last few years' would probably be the case regardless as I know I've felt like this whenever I've lost a person or animal, you always look back and wish you'd spent a bit more time with them I guess. Thanks again x

OP posts:
AcquadiP · 17/06/2025 17:40

Losing a much loved dog is always so painful. In my experience though, most dogs do go downhill with little and sometimes no warning. Of my 5 late dogs, only two had old age illnesses where the prognosis was a couple of months to live (with treatment.) In the case of the other three they all reached a good age, were still enjoying their exercise, food and life in general and then one day they stopped eating. In each case, I took them straight to the vets, tests were run and the results meant it was kindest to put the dog to sleep. Like you, one of mine I had put to sleep on the same day (15.5 year old Border Collie, inoperable stomach tumour.)

I know it's deeply, deeply upsetting but at least you were able to let your dog go before things got worse for him. It was the kindest and most loving thing you could have done for him. If your vet felt you could have had a few more days with your dog I'm sure he/she would have told you so. Sadly, sometimes that time just isn't available. Please don't beat yourself up, your dog would thank you if he could. X

DoggyDaySpa · 18/06/2025 00:04

This happened to us last week,OP, I have a thread in the ‘Dog Thread’ on here.
I am still heartbroken, over the loss of our darling Ddog, but I am feeling little better than I was. I literally couldn’t eat or sleep with the pain of the grief I was feeling. I just prowled the house, thinking I could hear her.
I questioned my every action and tortured myself with ‘what ifs’
Sadly, our lovely dogs are different to us, and their short lives mean we will usually outlive them, so we have to cope with losing them. I have had many German Shepherds in my life, both owned and fostered, and each time one passes away, I feel the most awful grief and loss. It doesn’t last forever, it turns into a warm memory of their time with you, and you remember them with a smile and a story.I am so very sorry for your loss, but your vet did the right thing. Your lovely dog lived in the moment and wouldn’t be able to compare how much time you spent with him from one day to the next. He would know the love of his family right up til his passing. Please don’t be hard on yourself, you loved him and he would have felt that.
You will feel better, be kind to yourself and remember him with a smile. 🌸

Springflowersyay · 18/06/2025 00:12

There is pet death counselling that may be useful. In person or online

Lettuceleafy · 18/06/2025 00:20

I’m so sorry for your loss. I know how desperately sad you feel. I’ve lost two dogs at age 13, it’s so upsetting because we love them so much.

In time, you will remember the good times and the amazing life you gave your friend. 🐾💔

DoggyDaySpa · 18/06/2025 00:36

Springflowersyay · 18/06/2025 00:12

There is pet death counselling that may be useful. In person or online

I spoke to one last Monday as my DP was very worried about me.
To be honest, I felt a bit ‘meh’ about it and ending up feeling worse. Maybe I just didn’t connect with the lady I spoke to.

hehehesorry · 18/06/2025 00:46

It's normal to an animal that if a female gives birth they spend alot more of their time on their young, he wouldn't have thought anything bad of you for spending less time with him when you had a little you in the house. He sounds like he had a good life and 13 is a very good age for a golden, but the guilt is normal and if you had petted him as much as current you wishes you had, you'd only wish you petted him more. Sorry for your loss, they're never here for long enough.

Anotheranxiousone · 18/06/2025 06:36

Thank you so much everyone, you've made this all a bit more bearable and made me feel a bit less guilty about the decision and about the reduced time I had after the kids came along x

OP posts:
Dearg · 18/06/2025 09:09

So sorry for your loss . It really hurts like hell doesn’t it?
What ifs? & the like are entirely normal I think. Certainly seems that way to me. I lost my wonderful lab at 14 a few months ago.

Your GR would have loved being part of your expanded family. My childhood GR was my best pal for years - never told my secrets. He will have felt the love and you gave him a great life.

I would live to give you some platitudes about it getting better - it does of course- but it’s a pain like no other 💐🐾

firstusername · 22/06/2025 01:21

Feeling the same, had to pts our just 4 year old golden last week due to chronic renal failure… heart breaking

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