Could really do with some advice - sad situation

[Happyhappymeee]

Hello
Our beautiful mini schnauzer - I just don’t know what to do. She is 11 years old.
Last year she had a non cancerous lump continuously grow and burst open on her back causing her a lot of pain. Each time with was opened by the vet (to release pressure - it got to the size of a snooker ball) it went away and then came back again.

She eventually had it removed surgically which involved her having to be stitched from one side of her abdomen to another and her recovery was extremely stressful for her. In hindsight, we agreed we would never have put her through the operation if we’d known how big it would have been but it was that or have her PTS.

Over the last few weeks she has become more confused. She is still very happy and content. She is now pooing and weeing over the floor every night. She has access to outdoors all throughout day (she is a therapy dog - though more of a retired one now!) and we take her for walks every evening at about 9 so she has a change to go to the toilet. My husband is then letting her out in the garden at midnight. We are up for work at 630am and the floor is covered.

We are back at the vets on Tuesday. The problem is this. My husband is awaiting results re cancer diagnosis. As a result my anxiety is through the roof (I’ve upped my anti depressants), we have two children and both work full time. Though I am not sure how much time we might need off - depending on the cancer results.

We paid £2,500 for her last operation. Whilst we have always paid whatever is needed for her, due to our current circumstances I just don’t know how long we can continue to pay such large investigative amounts which is what we will be facing next for her. Plus we agreed last time we couldn’t put her through another operation.

she is a very much loved family pet and we just don’t know what to do for the best any more with the new health problems all round. I feel I am just about holding my family together and one more thing and I will break myself which isn’t going to help anyone.

we are also meant to be moving house in a month which will confuse her even more.

what would you do/say to the vets this week?

She doesn’t sound happy, OP. I think you know what the answer is - and I am so sorry, it’s horrible to let them go. But prolonging their suffering is unfair and I’d give her a good last few days then say goodbye.

I hope it’s good news for your husband and I’m sorry this is all coming at once for you and your family.

I think her time has probably come ☹️
For a dog that is normally clean in the house, it can be distressing for them to then soil their space.

Oh bless you, what a horrible situation all round. It never rains, does it! It sounds as though your dog had CCD ..we had one a toy,he was eating drinking, enjoyed walks. Incontinence at night,he started barking, then howling at night. We took him to our vet tried a suppliment, then meds. Made no difference, she said the eating etc didn't show a good quality of life..we took turns to sit up with him at night, gave him a lovely run on the beach, before saying goodbye. He didn't have these other issues, like yours, but looking back,for several years,off the lead,he would run off with other people and he was fast! He was almost 18.

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I always think once a dog has started toileting in the house and has started to get confused, the kindest thing to do is to let them go.

I am so sorry - it’s shit x

The thing is, they view life in a very different way to us, being as they live in the moment. They don’t have the concept of a future, and beyond survival instinct have no fear of their lives ending. Not having control as a PP has said can be very distressing to a dog who’s always known what she’s meant to do and done it well. She doesn’t have human understanding and I would say a potential cancer diagnosis for your DH (the practical changes that might mean, less time to spend with her as she deteriorates) AND moving house would be a lot of upheaval for a healthy doggo. It’s really hard cos we see them as people and they are definitely much-loved family members. But sometimes the kindest decision is the hardest. She won’t know what’s happening and that’s a blessing even if it feels to us like ‘giving up.’ We have a choice not to have them suffer a little more every day for our pets and I think that’s a great thing even if it’s hard to face in terms of our own conscience. You’ve done all you can do, by the sounds of it.

Best wishes for good news for your DH.

If she is only toileting in the house over night, is it because she is stressed at being alone?
One of my dogs had dementia (CCD) and being stressed at night time was his first symptom. He didn't like being alone. Moved him to sleeping in the bedroom with me and he was fine.
Hope your husband gets good news. x

Thank you so much for such kind replies. I am currently waiting for the vets to call me back and I have said that I feel she needs to be PTS. The look on her face this morning sitting in her bed knowing she wasn’t meant to toilet on the floor was just heart breaking. She’s such a good girl and I know she would have been utterly distraught waiting for us to come in. She’s had an amazing life so I’d rather it ended when she’s happy than seeing her struggle on for our sake.

thank you so much for the kindness shown to a complete stranger. Your words have helped more than you can imagine x

You are right to have her PTS. This is a last kindness we can give to our pets. I am so very sorry. x

I’m so sorry better a few days too early than a day too late in my view. Not that I think this is too early. I lost my greyhound recently so I know what you’re going through

You poor things.

It’s absolutely ok to put her to sleep. She’s had a good life with you, clearly. You’re not being lazy or neglectful or taking the easy way out.

Give her some wonderful last few days, all the treats and favourite foods and cuddles. You’re doing the right thing.

Thank you x

You have so much going on, OP.

And you answered your own question, really: Plus we agreed last time we couldn’t put her through another operation. - you already felt that she had gone through enough.

As @faerietales says, once a dog is confused and is toileting indoors, it's probably time to let them go: it's awful for them too.

Seeing them off gently is the last thing we can do for them. It's horrible and sad, but better than continued suffering.

Thank you again everyone. I took her to our out of hours vet yesterday and she was put to sleep. She loved going to the vet so was happy to be there. Thank you for all your help yesterday x

I’m really struggling with the guilt. I know she could have had another 6 months probably with treatment (but then again I don’t ‘know’ this as I don’t know what they can do for incontinence like that). The guilt I feel is horrendous. One minute I feel I know deep down it was the best thing for her and us long term but on the other hand I know I panicked at the thought of watching her decline at the same time as my husband possibly becoming ill and I just couldn’t face it all.

I know she would have had to have dental work done again imminently with a general and we’d already decided to not put her through this again after the last. She also missed our cat dreadfully and although I’m not religious I’m trying to at least hope they’re together again. Both my cat and dog were beloved family pets and they’ve both been pts within 6 months of each other. I was so desperate for my dog not to suffer the way my cat did that I probably gave up to quickly? I just don’t know and I guess I never will.

Your “what if” and “shoulda woulda coulda” is so so natural right now. It’ll pass.

You did the right thing. Without PTS, she’d have been on meds, spacing her out, possibly even making her worse, you’d have suffered too (and your husband and therefore the dog picking up on this all).

I’m as atheist and sceptical as they come, but your cat and dog are together. It’s just what pets do! They know.

Please do not berate yourself @Happyhappymeee , you’ve done what was best for a much loved pet . I lost my ❤️ dog at the start of November so I know how you feel . Take care of yourself knowing that you’ve done the best you could for your lovely dog and best wishes to your family moving forward 💐

Thank you. Of course you’re both right. And I hadn’t even thought of the reaction she’d have to being on more meds - so that’s helpful as again it was something we’d decided (in more clear headed times) we wouldn’t do to her again.
I feel now I can start to be sad with less of the awful guilt I’ve felt today. Thank you x

Oh, OP. The guilt is normal, and it will go.

So many people prolong their animals suffering and pain, far past the point that they should - and they can never admit they’re not doing it because the dog is happy or healthy, because they’re doing it for them. You did the right thing for your girl. When dogs stop being clean, that’s when it’s time. It’s not about giving up - it’s about putting them first. Just because we can extend their lives, doesn’t mean we should.

You were the best owner she could have hoped for - you said goodbye before her suffering overwhelmed her and you put her first. I know it won’t make it any better, but I think she was incredibly lucky to have you 💐