Anxious cocker spaniel

[butterwithtoast]

We have a 5 month show cocker spaniel. He's our first dog and I feel like I've massively failed him, and our family. He's generally good at home, but gets really anxious in cetain situations, he doesn't like going in the car, and we're having a nightmare with grooming. He's been going to a groomer who specialises in anxious dogs for 30min intro sessions but today she's told us that his complex anxieties means this is unlikely to work. She's recommended another groomer and a behavioural trainer to help us, but to be honest I'm at my wits end and feeling really defeated. We've tried introducing things slowly, but nothing seems to be helping. If anyone has any experience of managing an anxious pup, and any positive outcomes that can give me some hope that would be amazing!

Loads of sympathy from here. My dog hates the car and it was so isolating when he was tiny. I did a lot of counter-conditioning with him, so sitting in the car with him and doing nothing, driving round the block, etc. But actually I think it's not so much about being in a car, as being in my car with me driving - he's miles better with someone else, or with me in the back. Do you know it's anxiety or car sickness? Or is he just wanting to be up your jumper? Spaniels are very needy dogs, so that's not on you.

For the grooming thing, your groomer's advice sounds like the right thing to do. There's a FB group called co-operative care with Deb Jones, and she has a book too which might help. If you can do the normal brushing and stuff that might make it easier.

You haven't failed him - you've identified he's nervous and you're trying your absolute best to ask for help. That's the best he could ask for x

Thanks @Bupster, that's very kind. I do wonder if it all comes down to separation anxiety. He's not too bad with baths and brushing at home, but he gets very stressed at the groomers. And in the car, he's happy enough to get in but then whines, probably because he's alone. I just don't know how long I can keep worrying and hoping he'll get better without knowing if it's going to work! He's great with other aspects of training, obedience is good, and he's very sweet. But if I can't take him anywhere without him getting stressed, and if he won't be happy left alone with other people then it's going to become really limiting.

Have you tried leaving him with sitters? Is there just you and him? There’s only me and my boy so it is quite intense, but I knew he’d have to go to daycare so he started with sitters quite young. A groomers is stressful for lots of dogs so it might be just the circumstances not the separation x

At five months old, he's still very very young. You've only had him three months, which really is a very short pace of time - although I appreciate it won't feel like that!

You say he whines in the car 'probably because he is alone.' How long is he left alone in the car? Or do you mean alone in the boot or back seat? Honestly, I would say at five months he is too young to be left alone at the groomers - particularly if he is unhappy as all you'll be doing is making his SA worse. Does the groomer not do an option where you can stay in the room with him?

Some people can leave their dogs nearly straight away, and others can't. Unfortunately, cocker spaniels are incredibly prone to extreme SA.

I would use a behaviouristA SA does need working on with a professional - it's very easy to think you're doing the right thing (as my mum learnt!) when you're absolutely not. Try not to be too hard on yourself - my mum bred dogs for thirty years, and getting her first Cocker Spaniel was like being back at the beginning (for all of us) - every dog is different and some just need to go at different speeds, or need a bit more guidance, than others.

As I said, he's still very very young so this is not yet learnt behaviour and a proper behaviourist will be able to help 😊

Thanks @LandSharksAnonymousthat's really helpful. You're right it's still early days, I just see so much about the importance of the first puppy months and wonder if I've already ruined him! In the car he's in a crate in the boot so only alone in the sense that he can't get to me. I'll definitely be getting in touch with a behavourist to help us, and hopefully the even more specialist groomer will have some approaches to address that side of things. He varies in his tolerance for being alone in the house, but you're right that we don't really know what we're doing so probably making things worse despite trying our best to follow the advice. It's just all a bit much tbh, I love the companionship, walks and training side of it, but the managing his emotions is so much more stressful than I'd expected.

He hasn't been with sitters as such @bupster,but he's stayed in our house with my parents for a few evenings and that's been fine. It's me, my husband and our 2 kids so there's almost always one of us around. I've tried building in periods of alone time but it's still a bit hit and miss whether he's happy to be left or not. I might try him with a walker and sitter to expand his horizons a bit but probably need to get advice from the behaviouralist first. Thanks for your advice and encouragement, really appreciate it!

Honestly he's doing fine by the sounds of it - as @LandSharksAnonymous says, he is only teeny still. Does he sleep alone at night?

My boy is ten months old, half a spaniel, and would very much like to be attached to me at all times. At five months I was convulsed with anxiety - if you go through the puppy threads from about five months ago you'll see all my posts panicking about the fact that I was panicking 😄

When they're this small lots of dogs really want to be with their people all the time, and the DTAS FB page (Dog Training Advice and something I can't remember!) which is run by trainers recommends that puppies aren't left alone till much later than most people think - not till nine months or so. My pup has never been left fully alone for more than a few minutes even now, he's always been with a sitter or another dog, and I'm still not in a hurry to leave him completely alone. I know others disagree, but I don't think it's something to be massively concerned about yet.

I think maybe separate out all the worries, as five months was for me peak anxiety time. For the groomers: grooming is in itself stressful, so if you can brush him at home then just avoid it for a bit and take the stress away, until you've got a specialist. For the car: try him in the back with the kids and see how he does. He might just want to be with people. For alone time: only leave him for multiples of seconds at a time, and watch on a camera (they're only about £20 off Amazon). Build up really slowly to five minutes. Make sure you come back before he gets upset, i.e. the second you hear him whining or see him stress-yawning.

Sitters are awesome and can give you a bit of your life back, and a good one will make him much more confident about strangers, even if he worries a bit when you leave and tries to bite your nose off when you return. It's just a matter of very gently expanding his horizons in ways that don't frighten him so he realises he's okay. Honestly I think you are doing fine xxx

Thanks @Bupsterthat's so reassuring. I'm just getting a bit overwhelmed because I thought we were doing well, and for the groomer to say he's basically a lost cause has really thrown me! He's happy sitting in the car on my lap if my husband's driving but that doesn't work when I need to drive! I will take him for a walk in the sunshine and take some deep breaths and just calm down I think 😅 thank you for your kind words, have a great weekend!

Your pup is still a toddler in human terms.
If he's fine being brushed & bathed at home, I would ditch the groomer for now and re introduce it at around 12 months. You should not clip him at that age anyway. (I have long haired dogs and honestly the first 12 months they don't go to the groomer- I do it myself.) Plus the groomers is a noisy, smelly and busy place that can be really intimidating for a young pup.
For car journeys it's like everything else with dogs: little and often. I also found that talking & reassuring the dog in the boot can help settle them. And stop having him on your lap while hubby drives. Putting him in his safe place religiously whenever he's in the car will speed things up.

Does he go to puppy / training class? It's worth doing this until he's about 1.5-2 years old to build his and your confidence.

He's still a baby.

I have a sensitive cocker (though aren't they all, to some degree) who didn't get on with the car (as in shaking, terrified, hiding) and also didn't like handling for grooming.

Where does yours ride in the car? Our boy was in a crate in the boot and we had a breakthrough with moving him to a harness attachment on the back seat. We never worked out whether it was noise/motion in the boot that was different, or if he feels better on the back seat because he's closer to me. Promotion to the back seat, plus lots of freework around and in the stationary car over a couple of months, and sitting in the car watching the world go by and eating yummy snacks, got him to a place of tolerating travel. It's still not his favourite thing ever but he gets in under his own steam these days and isn't terrified.

Grooming was/is slower progress. From bitter experience - do not push him to go faster than comfortable, do not panic and rush the pace or you will make it 10x worse. Mine is a worker not a show cocker so has a thinner coat which gives us more leeway; we hand strip him at home in small doses when he's relaxed, and for his hairy grinch feey we got him acclimatised to the tools to clip his paw hair and nails very veeeeery slowly. Deb Jones's book and FB group have fab advice and protocols. It's all about baby steps, and finding the right way forward for your dog so face to face tailored guidance from a behaviourist would be ideal if you can do that. If you are worried about his nails while you're working on the issue, you can get scratch boards and teach them to target them so they DIY their nails for themselves. You can also try different tools for his nails - he might get on better with a low noise grinder than with a nail clipper or vice versa. Same with grooming his coat, it might be noise or sensation or environment rather than simply sensitivity to touch so detective work could be required.

Don't rush, don't panic, don't beat yourself up - you haven't failed him, he's a baby and you're supporting him beautifully - and make sure you also enjoy his company, play and build your relationship as it's all too easy when a dog has an "issue" for that to crowd out all the good stuff.

Thanks @Cockerdileteef and @Ylvamoon it's so helpful to hear your experiences. I've got an appointment booked with a behavioural specialist next weekend so we can sort a plan for addressing the various issues. Really good to hear about how you manage grooming at home, he's pretty happy being handled so I'm hoping we can do that until he's a bit braver. With the car, we really do need him to be in the boot because the kids are in the back seats, but we'll continue with the slow introduction and work on building his confidence with it. The behaviourist has mentioned looking at his diet and introducing more variety so that's another thing to explore. And we'll keep going to puppy classes, which although the 5minute car journey isn't great, once he's there he enjoys - mostly because he gets loads of treats! (Pic included of him posing with his rosette 😂)