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The doghouse

If you're worried about your pet's health, please speak to a vet or qualified professional.

Original poster

Last day for doggie. Please help

33 replies

DancingHippos · 11/02/2025 11:55

My friend's dog will be put down today. She is 13 yrs old and unwell. I have never had a dog and unlikely to have one but I love dogs and this one, I am very close to.
I knew it would happen - for a couple of months, she's been ill- but I am bawling my eyes. She's the cutest, friendliest dog.
How do you cope - if this has happened to you?

OP posts:
Original poster
DancingHippos · 11/02/2025 12:27

Thank you MN for moving this to right place

OP posts:
YouOKHun · 11/02/2025 12:34

It's really hard to lose a much loved pet. I had to have my much loved Labrador put down, sadly on her 14th birthday last September. I had a day of bawling my eyes out but even then I knew I had made the kindest decision for her. I think that is what you have to keep in mind - that you (or your friend) is doing the right and kindest thing as a follow on from giving your dog a happy life. That dog has been lucky to have a happy life and an owner who is putting the dog's comfort first, before their own distress. Hang on to that.

BeMoreAmandaland · 11/02/2025 12:37

You keep going, that's all coping is. Let yourself cry & miss them. It's heartbreaking. Flowers

SnowSnow · 11/02/2025 12:38

I’m so sorry. Dogs are the best. I don’t have any advice other than cry as much as you need to.

Urghhhhhhh · 11/02/2025 12:40

It's just hard and it takes time, I kept crying randomly before bed, having nightmares sore three months or so after I lost my old boy. When it's their time and there is no prospect of their quality of life improving you have to let them go and accept the feelings.

OldTinHat · 11/02/2025 12:42

It is utterly heartbreaking. I had to have my best friend put down 4yrs ago and swore I'd never have another. That went out of the window last September when I rehomed an old lady. She's in the vets atm, on a drip for 24hrs. I'm also bawling my eyes out!

Bloody dogs! The most beautiful souls and so much better than people.

Sending you and your friend hugs.

Original poster
DancingHippos · 11/02/2025 17:35

Thank you all for your comforting words. I know she will leave us in the next few hours. It's so very sad. 😢

OP posts:
EmmaEmEmz · 11/02/2025 17:49

Lots of love.

It is horrible. Dogs really do become like little best friends. I have two tiny dogs which drive me mad but I can't imagine a day without them. Fortunately they're both still very young so hopefully i have many years with them driving me mad, burrowing under the bedcovers and being my best friends.

How do you go on after they go? You just do. Like any death, it takes a long time and grief creeps up when you least expect it. My childhood dog has been gone 5 years and I still pang for a big slobbery snog from her and those cuddles that only a dog can give. But I also think about the lovely memories and smile again.

You carry on knowing you (your friend) has given them a good life and not let them suffer when it comes to the end.

I hope he or she passes quietly and peacefully, as I'm sure they will, and you and your friend take it easy over the next few days and weeks.

Dearg · 11/02/2025 19:11

Oh it’s so very hard.

She’s clearly a very special dog to have you both love her so much. Eventually, you will have lovely memories of this beautiful soul,to cherish.

Meantime, let yourself grieve , as your friend will also do.

Ellmau · 12/02/2025 08:02

Sorry for you and your friend's loss. Saying goodbye to a DDog is always hard.

Original poster
DancingHippos · 12/02/2025 10:30

What's really odd is that I have cried more over this friend's dog than I have over uncles and aunts who passed away. People I have known all my life. Isn't that strange? I would have spent longer with my family members (wasn't close to them particularly) but I felt so much sadder over losing this doggie friend. Can anyone relate to that?

OP posts:
Goandygo · 12/02/2025 10:40

DancingHippos · 12/02/2025 10:30

What's really odd is that I have cried more over this friend's dog than I have over uncles and aunts who passed away. People I have known all my life. Isn't that strange? I would have spent longer with my family members (wasn't close to them particularly) but I felt so much sadder over losing this doggie friend. Can anyone relate to that?

I can.
I wasn't particularly close to my dad. He was overall a good dad, 75 when he died and though I grieved, I accepted it and went through the necessary stages.
My dog died last April and I've never known pain like it.
I read on here that having him pts was the greatest gift I could give him, so I hold on to that.
It won't be easy ( how can it be ?), but you will both be ok.
Sending you both love and strength.

Cadenza12 · 12/02/2025 10:47

TBH a number of people have said to me that they were more upset over losing their dog than a parent, which takes some getting your head around. I think that grief is grief and we do give our dogs a lot of love so it's the price we pay. The pain does lessen but some dogs hold a special place in our hearts.

Floralnomad · 12/02/2025 10:47

DancingHippos · 12/02/2025 10:30

What's really odd is that I have cried more over this friend's dog than I have over uncles and aunts who passed away. People I have known all my life. Isn't that strange? I would have spent longer with my family members (wasn't close to them particularly) but I felt so much sadder over losing this doggie friend. Can anyone relate to that?

I think most of us who have loved a dog can identify with this , our lovely dog died in November last year and our family will never be the same again . Take care 💐🐾💔

muddyford · 12/02/2025 11:44

I think grieving a dog is a very pure grief. You haven't got to do any of the paperwork and things that result from losing a human, you are grieving his presence and love in your life. A priest friend noted that it's much more intense than grieving a human, but is usually shorter in duration. From my experience I would say he was spot on. DH has cried more when our dogs have died than when he lost his wife.

Original poster
DancingHippos · 12/02/2025 16:52

It's been very intense, the grief. I had the day off work so been watching comedies to distract myself

OP posts:
Goandygo · 12/02/2025 17:35

@DancingHippos I found Pet Bereavement and Blue Cross charities really helpful 💔

ginasevern · 12/02/2025 17:47

DancingHippos · 12/02/2025 10:30

What's really odd is that I have cried more over this friend's dog than I have over uncles and aunts who passed away. People I have known all my life. Isn't that strange? I would have spent longer with my family members (wasn't close to them particularly) but I felt so much sadder over losing this doggie friend. Can anyone relate to that?

Yes, I can completely relate to it. I think it's because they can't tell you what they're feeling and you can't communicate "goodbye" to them. You want to tell them that you love them more anything and that you really don't want to say goodbye, but you can't. You can only convey your feelings with physical hugs. You can't have a final trip down memory lane or tell them how happy they've made you. They're also infinitely more innocent than humans in so many ways. I'm probably rambling now but hopefully making some sense.

IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece · 12/02/2025 22:18

DancingHippos · 12/02/2025 10:30

What's really odd is that I have cried more over this friend's dog than I have over uncles and aunts who passed away. People I have known all my life. Isn't that strange? I would have spent longer with my family members (wasn't close to them particularly) but I felt so much sadder over losing this doggie friend. Can anyone relate to that?

I understand, my DFriends dog is frankly, my favourite thing ever. I’m incredibly lucky that I get to Dogsit her when DF has to travel and we absolutely love each other, they move to a different country next month and am so sad (in a supportive friend way!). I am genuinely sadder about that then I have been about relatives deaths.

Sounds like you were very lucky to have each other and I’m so sorry for the loss,they leave such holes in our hearts behind

Original poster
DancingHippos · 12/02/2025 23:15

Thank you all for the kind words. If I think about her, I well up.
Is there something I can get for my friend at this time to show love and support?

OP posts:
YouOKHun · 12/02/2025 23:59

Not sure what you could get your friend @DancingHippos but one thing I was glad I did was to donate some unopened food and some blankets to a local dog rescue along with a small donation. I felt a bit better knowing some other less fortunate dogs would benefit in some way. I also planted a rose that had the same name as my dog.

Goandygo · 13/02/2025 07:49

@DancingHippos you sound like a lovely friend. As with anyone grieving the best you can do is continue to be there. Check in, even later down the line, when so many friends forget to do so. I understand people have their own lives, but for me, when someone asks, 6 or 9 months down the line, How are you coping?, it means so much because I'm able to share my progress and feelings.
It's something I've vowed to do for others experiencing any type of grief.

thedogdiditagain · 14/02/2025 09:52

I'm so sorry for what you and your friend are going through now. It's so deeply and devastatingly painful. I lost my beautiful little dog 6 days ago. I will love her forever. I think the pain is so intense for us because they were always with us, every day, they lived with us. We saw them all the time, unlike some of the people in our lives that we lose. We looked after them every day. It was our job to feed and love them. I feel lost that I can't do that for her now. The hardest part is doing the right thing for them at the right time, and not to let them suffer. We're the ones that then suffer. But I'm glad I had my dog despite going through this now. You and your friend must grieve, no one else can really say or do much to ease that for you. But I guess it will become more manageable in time. Be thankful for that dog's life and love it gave you. Xx

Goandygo · 20/02/2025 07:28

@DancingHippos ( and @thedogdiditagain ), how are you doing ?

I had a bad day yesterday. I do remember my counsellor talking about the ebbs and tides of grief, so it does make sense that some days are better than others.
New day today 💔

thedogdiditagain · 20/02/2025 07:41

Thank you goandygo (sorry don't know how to tag). It's still very raw, I can cry at any point. I now have her ashes back where she belongs. I've started a booklet noting down all my memories of her and her little quirks. I don't want to forget anything. I now have to get used to my 'different' house - I'm truly on my own now in it. Sending virtual hugs to you and OP and their friend. X