How to cope after losing your dog

[wakijaki09]

So on Monday we had our beloved dog put to sleep. He was our third Samoyed dog ( big white fluffy polar bear) and the only one we had from a puppy.
He had been getting slower and slower and then stopped eating. We tried as much as we could but made the decision to have him PTS before he got any worse.
For the first time in over 20 years my house is dog free.
I guess I thought he was still a puppy and always would be.
It hurts horrendously. There's a huge dog shaped hole in my heart and I feel so heavy with grief.
I know it will pass and get easier but I've always had another dog at home to help get over it.
The last few days I've thrown myself back into work and come home and gone on one of our old walks that we haven't been able to do for the past few months as I can't bear being in the house without him here.
Any tips? Thanks

What a gorgeous dog , sending hugs, kisses & sympathy on what must be a massive loss, so sorry

What an absolutely beautiful boy he was. Take time to grief. You will know if and when you want to get another.
I rescued a very old large Romanian rescue in November 23 after losing both my husband and our 12 year old Border Collie 4 months earlier. He will be 17 on February 1st. It was the best thing l have ever done. He has bought joy back into my life.
So sorry for your loss.

I agree. Grief is grief, doesn’t matter what has been lost, bird, cat, dog, horse, etc

Struggle with this too. All I can say is time is a healer to some degree and for me, getting another pet. Though I think about ten years passed before I got another.

Hugs op.

We lost our Samoyed in November very unexpectedly and I am still getting upset when talking or looking at pictures. They are such a wonderful breed of dog, and like you we are now dogless for the first time.

Sorry not really any help but I wanted you to know you were not alone.

@Nicecatneighbour thank you. It seems like they decline whilst you're not looking and you all adjust in little ways to them. And then when they are gone you see how bad they got. Maybe it's some part denial.
I know one day I'll open my heart to another but not for a while. Thank you

@rumred lovely that you were able to find that lovely again. I think we humans have the capacity to love so many animals in our lifetime. When the time is right there will be another..just not the same breed due to my other half allergies

@CoubousAndTourmalet so sorry for your loss. I think it's extra hard when you suddenly have a dog free home. The routines and habits are gone, the home is silent and cleaner without Thier fur and noise bustling around. Someone said to me months ago get another dog now before he goes. But I couldn't do that to him..he deserved all the attention for the time he had left. So glad you got another pup in your life ..it does help in a bittersweet way

@LandSharksAnonymous thank you. I had never really thought about it that way. But yes I guess it's because they always need you to take care of them...from puppy to toddler/teenager and then being old. The last two dogs have seen me through so much... relationship break downs, losing my mum suddenly 10 years ago, my DS leaving home. Unlike friends who might be busy or wrapped up in their own problems so always put you first and try to be there.
I will find my feet again but for now it's a struggle x

@tealandteal so sorry to hear you are going through the same thing and the loss of your family member too. Last week I was sobbing my heart out in the street trying to get him in the car and my neighbour came rushing out to comfort me..she said the same...they are family. If you know you know.
I've found going through all the old photos and videos and reliving him being a puppy full of energy and life has really helped. X

Doesn't seem to me that you've ever lost your best friend. Would you say that to someone who has just lost their child or Thier spouse? Yes there are other dogs out there but they are all individual and different and not my dog. One day I will open my heart to another dog but no one should get a dog for that reason. It's totally unfair on the dog to come as a replacement into a home that is grieving for another

@hairbearbunches thank you and lovely to hear you opened up to another dog.
Yes I've been doing that..it's almost a self inflicted torture but I've spent the last week hunting out all our old photos and videos of him and the others.
It's then when it suddenly sinks in just how small a version of themselves they had got as they became so old. To see him running around and yapping with his friends has brought hot tears to my eyes.
I've been walking our old favourite routes..pondering that I hadn't really fully noticed how much shorter they had become.
I will miss him forever but he is still a part of me x

We lost our only dog a few weeks ago so I completely understand how you feel and I'm so sorry. I think you just have to feel your grief and work through it like you would losing anyone important in your life.
Don't let anyone tell you they were just a dog or can be replaced, to some of us they are important family members and we need to grieve for them.
We know we will definitely get another dog, but later this year probably.
What's really helped me is going through all of his photos and videos ready to make an album just for him. Remembering all the lovely times we had with him and seeing how he changed over the years.

Sorry that you lost your dog, OP. He was a beautiful boy and I am sure he had a great life with you. Losing my dogs has been some of the greatest grief I have known in life. They are such an integral part of your life, always there, always on your mind, that it is very strange without them at first. For me, it has always taken a year or more before I could consider getting a new dog. I also know people who love their dogs deeply and react by getting a new dog straight away. People are different and neither is wrong. In the short-term, I think you treat it like any other loss. Be kind to yourself, try to keep busy, let yourself feel what you feel. It will get better in time.

@JSMill so sorry for your loss of your young dog. I've been through that too with our first rescue dog who suddenly got ill at just 3 years old and had to be PTS due to multiple organs failure. That's a different type of grief as you have so much you've missed out on sharing with them and it's so unfair.
I'm lucky to have pet sheep and ponies who absolutely love a cuddle so I won't be rushing to get another dog. I totally agree that it's unfair to being a dog into a home in those circumstances. However this boy of mine came into our lives just that way after we lost the 3 year old and I knew we all needed something to make us want to live again and also help our remaining dog to heal as she grieved so much and didn't cope well being an only dog. So he helped us heal from losing both of those dogs in the end. Xx

@Heelworkhero after 15 years of only having Samoyeds there won't be another one due to my OH and his allergies. I guess maybe at some point when we do open up to another dog that might make it easier as it will be totally different. But at the moment I'm struggling with wrapping my head around another breed as I have absolutely adored having Samoyeds.
And yes it really does hurt like hell. X

@Bordercolliesarebest1 oh I'm so sorry to hear that. You've had the most awful time and a huge double loss. I'm so glad you have found a way to carry on and give love again. I bet your dog adores you in the same way you do him.
Life is always worth living if you find love in it x

@MyBigCloud so sorry for your loss too. Yours was beautiful ❤️
I've been through losing one unexpectedly at 3 years old. He was our first..an abandoned older pup and he started us on this 'land cloud' adventure.
I didn't think back then until I met my OH 6 years ago that I would ever want another breed. Sadly he has really struggled with allergies and all the hair so I agreed no more as it wouldn't be fair to him.
So this boy was the 3rd and the last and the one that we had from pup to old boy.
'Everyone thinks they have the best dog...and non of them are wrong'.
But I know you will understand the uniqueness of being owned by a Sammy. The hair..the constant barking..the attention they demand when you take them out and people want to meet them.
It's been a huge rollercoaster journey xx

op asked how do you cope - that's how she coped! Me too.

sorry for your loss op

Thanks everyone for you posts and taking the time out to comfort me.
It's been one week today and somehow I've reached this milestone.
So for anyone else maybe reading this thread at some point struggling to cope here is what I've done...
Cried...a lot.
Cleaned around his things but not fully removed them yet.
I've barely slept..instead laying awake in bed feeing the pressure of the emptiness downstairs.
I've gone to work 'as normal' luckily most of my clients have pets so they get it and everyone has been kind.
I've paid his final bill and done personalised thank you cards for the vets and for my old neighbour across the street who would always give him treats.
I've ordered some things to make his grave look nice ..for when I can face that.
I've been out a few times to the grave to say hello but I darent linger there.
I've walked some of our favourite routes that I've not been able to do for months as he just couldn't manage. I've cried the whole way round as he wasn't there when I turned to see him.
I've managed to eat and bathe thanks to my OH and I've really let myself lean on him for support.
I've found his hair everywhere and been sad that one day it will all have blown away or gone in the hoover or the washer.
I've frantically searched through all our old photos and videos of him and the others...happy tears rolling down watching him run and bark with his dog sister and being the little cheeky boy he was...full of life and love.
I've also started writing a mini book about Samoyeds and my life with them.
I've reached out to people like Mumsnet and taken comfort in knowing I'm not alone and most people get it..they understand the pain.
So that's how I've coped so far.
Thank everyone and sorry for not replying sooner...it's been hard to read and know what to say xx

I’m so sorry.

my suggestion is you bag up all the floof that you are finding round the house and take it with you on what was your favourite walk. Deposit little bits on bushes etc as u go. I did this. It was really comforting knowing that my boy was still ’there’ - a way of honouring his presence and it was a very cathartic thing to do.

I don't have the answers as I still mourn my cat (I lost her about 10 years ago).

I have a beautiful dog and I know I'll be lost without her.

Did you know Blue Cross has a pet bereavement helpline? It helps to talk to people with similar experiences.

@ThatMerryReader what a totally inappropriate response.
Animal's are not replaceable or disposable and cannot just be replaced
Shame on you and your shitty opinions
You've clearly never loved a dog properly

It is my opinion. You may disagree with it but that does not give you the right to be so conceited.

@wakijaki09 i lost my first and second ESS within three weeks of each other, both elderly rescues and I think my second boy missed my first too much. I was totally distraught as you can imagine but my lovely vet said two things to me which really helped - helping them over the rainbow bridge is the last and greatest act of love you will ever do for them and it’s better a day too early than a day too late.

PP suggestion of collecting his floof and letting it drift away on a walk is a lovely one.

The death of your dog really is the most acutely painful thing though, you have such sympathy from me. I’m now on rescue number 5 and losing 3 and 4 was no easier… it’s the price we pay for their amazing love ❤️

I'm not sure I'll ever get over it. Had to have our GSD put to sleep at the beginning of covid and still can't face having another.
DH desperately wants another and is constantly showing me adverts for them and coming up with answers for my valid reasons for not having another, but I still can't face it. Everytime I think of the AA Milne quote I wrote on her headstone I want to cry 😢
Sorry I've been no help whatsoever!x